[carolynpep73]

Before I begin, here's a little background. This daycare is affliated with my church. I've been there for a year and have been very happy. Olivia has a history of hitting and biting if a child is in her space (old school before this one) or doing something unwanted. She is not an instigator she is a reactor. We work a lot at home on using words and controlling our temper. She was just moved into this new 3 y/o classroom 3 weeks ago.

Yesterday when I went to pick up Olivia from school her former room teacher handed me a phone number and said, XX's mom wants you to call her right away, it's an emergency. Naturally I was very curious what this could be about. We only know each other in passing and our girls LOVE to play together at school. That's where our relationship ends.

So I called her. She tells me that Tuesday when she went to pick up her DD she walked in on the other teacher "yelling in my daughter's face" because she had just hit another child in the classroom. My daughter was screaming and crying in time-out. I asked her if she witnessed the whole incident and she told me no but that the director was in the room also. I thanked her for letting me know and I told her I would be speaking to the director ASAP.

So on my lunch break today I called the director (I tried to call last night but she had already left and I was running late this morning). I told her I wanted to discuss this incident. She told me she witnessed the whole thing. Apparently Olivia smacked another child in the face. The teacher told her to go to time out. She told me she was "loud". I said, "So in other words, yelling". I asked her if she had spoken to this teacher after the incident and she told me yes. She waited for the other parents to leave. I asked if the teacher understood that it was inappropriate and she told me yes, and that the teacher apologized. I emphasized that my only requirement for Olivia's care is that she is in a nurturing, safe, loving environment. If she is doing something wrong then, yes, she needs to be dealt with. But it needs to be constructive and not degrading.

This new classroom is very similar to the one I pulled her from a year ago. I pointed out the the director that there is no "life" in that room. It's very bland and blah. The teachers are nice people; but it has to be more than that. She told me she is aware and they are "working on it".

I also explained that I do not demand perfection from my daughter's teachers. I do demand is that they recognize when a situation was handled inappropriately and use it as a learning experience to grow and change. No one is perfect. Even a teacher. I know, I'm a teacher myself. We ALL have moments when we look back at a situation and say, "I could have handled that much better." I am not overly upset that this happened, I just want to make certain it does not happen again.

On a side note, I feel like there was an attempt to put me in the middle of a Room 2/Room 3 war. Olivia's old teachers, while wonderful, seem to think that no one is as good as them. I think it validates them when they see parents getting upset about something that happens in another class. This mother that called me is NOT happy in the classroom and is making it very difficult for these teachers. I think she is being encouraged by the Room 2 teachers to complain. I think they felt if they got me on board, it would evolve into a big drama fest. That's not my bag. I don't handle things with drama...or at least I try not to.

So, if this was your child, what would you have done?

[angieandstever]

I think you handled it well. I am concerned about the environment though as you describe it. I wouldn't want to keep moving her if I was you however I wouldn't want her to be in a room with no life where teachers lose their cool. Hopefully that was a 1 time thing but I know I still would be concerned.

[RuthC]

There is simply no excuse for the teacher to be yelling or raising her voice in your daughter's face. I have worked in the child care industry for 8+ years and her reaction isn't acceptable on any level.

[Niclayson]

You handled it well. You are a teacher so you probably already know this...just watch your daughter's behavior. I second that it is just not appropriate to yell at a child....ever! As a nurse, if I yell at a patient it is grounds for termination.

My son had behavior changes at home after being switched to a new classroom. I knew there were issues with staffing but they covered them up well (except for the one day I spoke of on another post). What did happen though was my son came home one night with an adult sized hand print on his back. Its a long story and yes we reported it...but what I'm trying to say is trust your gut. If your gut tells you..."I'm just not sure about this situation" then get her out. I should have followed my intuition. My son has had enough issues...he didn't need that one.

[angieandstever]

Originally Posted by Niclayson

You handled it well. You are a teacher so you probably already know this...just watch your daughter's behavior. I second that it is just not appropriate to yell at a child....ever! As a nurse, if I yell at a patient it is grounds for termination.

My son had behavior changes at home after being switched to a new classroom. I knew there were issues with staffing but they covered them up well (except for the one day I spoke of on another post). What did happen though was my son came home one night with an adult sized hand print on his back. Its a long story and yes we reported it...but what I'm trying to say is trust your gut. If your gut tells you..."I'm just not sure about this situation" then get her out. I should have followed my intuition. My son has had enough issues...he didn't need that one.

Oh my goodness I am so happy you got him out of there before something more horrible could happen. It is scary.

[carolynpep73]

I am definitely keeping a close eye on this. I'm going to check out a couple of other schools in the area this week. It's so frustrating because this is a good school. It's just this room that isn't working for me. I would really hate to move her because I know she likes it there. I really do hope this is an isolated incident. Please understand that I am in no way excusing this teacher's behavior. Yelling is innappropriate on any level. I'm hoping and praying that this was a very isolated incident. I have not had a chance to personally speak to this teacher because she was not there this morning when I dropped off and my friend did pick up for me this afternoon. But my eyes and ears are on every move and noise they make. If the classroom doesn't change by the end of the month, we'll be outta there!

[Niclayson]

Originally Posted by angieandstever

Oh my goodness I am so happy you got him out of there before something more horrible could happen. It is scary.

Yeah, I just still have tremendous Mommy guilt about it because I sensed something was wrong but kept thinking it was just related to adjusting to a new room, etc. It is scary.

[angieandstever]

Originally Posted by Niclayson

Yeah, I just still have tremendous Mommy guilt about it because I sensed something was wrong but kept thinking it was just related to adjusting to a new room, etc. It is scary.

Personally I think your story is a lesson for all. Thanks for sharing it. I know a lot of times I dismiss my feelings as paranoid but it is better to act on it then to ignore it and something be wrong. Thanks for sharing!

[mommytoEli]

what would *i* do? :

pull her out.

i did it last year. my then 4 year old had a similar thing happen to him, that i witnessed bc i was standing at the windowed door and teacher didn't see me. i knew he had been having problems because he was coming home saying things that happend....but when i called they just said he was a "quiet soul" and they had no issues with him. liars. i even asked the teacher about the particular incident and she flat out lied to my face. my son cried on and off for a week and just kept saying, "i'm irresponsible." it broke my heart! it was a preschool at our church. no one took me seriously. they tried to make me feel like i was just a complainer...and i was....but i SAW and HEARD what happend....coupled with what ds had been telling me....what i saw had happend before. i pulled him out of school that day...and when we couldn't get anywhere with the administration..which also serves on church administration..we left the church. for me....i thought it was better to teach my child that school and church are safe places to be..and when mom and dad saw that it was not a safe nurturing environment, we would not let him go. like you acknowledge your daughter's tendency to hit...i acknowledge my son's tendency to be fidgety and a noise maker. it is annoying..i don't like it either....but it doesn't give a teacher the license to yell in the face of a preschooler. i don't know about you...but it hit me doubly hard because it WAS at my church...i had high expectations.

I also explained that I do not demand perfection from my daughter's teachers. I do demand is that they recognize when a situation was handled inappropriately and use it as a learning experience to grow and change. No one is perfect. Even a teacher. I know, I'm a teacher myself. We ALL have moments when we look back at a situation and say, "I could have handled that much better." I am not overly upset that this happened, I just want to make certain it does not happen again.

i think this is so important...and you are completely right......so far, i've not been this lucky with my middle son's teachers. i wish i had experienced this with one of ds's last 2 teachers. maybe then i'd be less neurotic. lol.

[angel_bayou]

I too would have called them to see what happened and also would have asked how this teacher was repremanded. Will this go into her file as a complaint in case this continues on with other children? Even if your daughter did hit a child to me they should NOT have yelled in her face!! Do you also know why this other mother dislikes the teacher? Maybe something similiar happened to her child. Also the other teacher may have issue with this person and her treatment towards the children which they have reported and nothing is being done about it.

It's a tough situation. I hoping things get better for you and your little one!

[KKR213]

What did your daughter say about the whole thing?

I understand what you are going through. My son was recently moved to a new room and he cries almost every day at drop off. Everyone's posts have me scared since I have a "Mommy vibe" too but was thinking it was the new room. I too will be checking out new daycares.

Part of what my bad feeling is that I think they expect too much of a child that is almost 3.

[hbrown22]

Trust your mommy intuition. I think so many times we don't use that enough or think we are just being paranoid or overreating because it is our own child. I feel it is more than that. If you have a bad feeling it is for a reason. Go with your gut, I have ignored my gut feeling so many times thinking it is just me being paranoid but it is always right.

[carolynpep73]

Thanks everyone! I am going with my mommy intution and gut and saying this was an isolated incident.

Today when I went to pick up Olivia, her teacher approached me and sincerely apologized for the other day. She told me that she never screamed at Olivia or "got in her face". She said, "I went down on her level and told her that it was not nice to hit her friends" She said, "I didn't realize that I was as loud as I was. I'm sure if I saw myself on tape I'd be appauled." I thanked her for apologizing and told her we all have times in our life when we wished we could rewind and do things over again. I appreciated that she was able to recognize that she had made a bad call and I'm confident that the next time an issue arises she will deal with it better. To me, it speaks volumes of someone's character when they can openly admit they made a mistake and vow to never let it happen again.

As far as the room drabness goes, it's gotten a bit better. It seems that they've made some changes just since I spoke to the director yesterday. Sometimes people just need things pointed out to them. I feel over the next few weeks we're going to see a room that is more colorful and engaging.

Onto the mother and the other teacher. My gut also tells me that this was an attempt to spark an all out war. Before Olivia was moved her teacher told me that I shouldn't expect the same kind of classroom and that things are very "different". She has said things to me in the past about other staff members or students that I felt were crossed the line of professionalism, but I chalked it up to her being very comfortable with me and confiding since I was a teacher too. Now, I'm not so sure. She and I will no longer be communicating other than to say hello.

From this point on I am washing my hands clean and beginning anew. It is important to me that Olivia understand that in forgiveness there is grace. I am not turning a blind eye or a deaf ear. I will always work within my child's best interest.

Thanks again for all of your help, suggestions, and personal experiences. You are all wonderful!