[p00lbys]

Yesterday we had a cook out at our house with my side of the family. I have 2 nieces who are terrible children. It hurts me to have to say that about them but it is the truth. They are 7 and 9 years old. They are disrespectful, sassy and will not listen to anyone. I do know that a 7 year old can not fully undertand adoption but she fully understood that she was saying mean things to my son. She said to him twice, "Ian when you were a baby you were taken away from your family." I did not hear her say it the first time but my sister-in-law did and she told me and said she was completely shocked that she would say that. Then she said it again in front of me. She knew she was saying something mean by the way she was looking at me. I just told her that that was a very hurtful thing to say and she should never say that to him again. Can children just be mean? I believe that she is. She kicks our dogs all the time and did it again yesterday and I saw her do it and I yelled at her. She said, "Sorry" but very sassy. I know I have to talk to my sister but she is going to get very mad at me. I think my sister needs to sit down and explain adoption to her children and make them understand what they should not every say to Ian. I never expected that I would have to protect Ian from my own family.
Any advise would be great.

[pvanabel]

Wow - I would definitely talk to your sister and very soon. That is just awful. At 7 years old she should have much better behavior, especially with kicking a dog. She should definitely explain adoption to her and some other behavior changes too.
Wow - best of luck.

[cjrogers]

Wow.

I'm no child psychologist but it sounds like these kids have some anger issues going on in their lives. Anything going on at their house that you know of? Are they abused, even verbally? Are they picked on at school? Parents fighting alot?

I realize kids will be kids and I know they can be mean. But the mere fact that she kicks the dog makes me think that there is more going on here than just :"kids being mean".


I think you are doing the right thing by gently correcting her. Talk to your sister/brother about these issues and watch your child and your dog when around these children - you may even want your son to avoid being around them until the issue is resolved.

Remember these kids are 7 and 9. They are not adults and are learning from their environments, including adults.

I have a brother just like this... he was the product of a very horrible domestic violence. I was lucky that I didn't react this way, but my brother was (is) angry and hostile into adulthood.

Good luck and sorry you have to deal with this.

[amyfk]

I also agree that you have to sit down your sister alone to discuss her daughters' comments. Doesnt sound like something that would come out of a typical 7 yr old's mouth. I also wonder if this kid is getting into trouble at school. Tigers dont hide their stripes verywell. Anyway, I am sorry you guys had to deal with this at your home, while you were entertaining, on the holiday weekend.
Amy K NJ

[GuatMommy2Be]

Nip it in the bud right now. Your sister can get angry with you if she wants, but you need to protect your son above anyone and everyone else.

We have a very mouthy niece on DH's side, and usually I mind my own business but at one of our cookouts, she was being SO darn nasty that my mouth just went without thinking. However, she did stop being nasty for the remainder of the day and I don't think she will get mouthy in front of me/with me again.

[kretzklan]

Unfortunately it sounds like those girls aren't getting too much parenting. You should talk with your sister, but be prepared for the worst outcome. She is creating that in her children and probably won't react well to being called on it. Have a "plan" for if things go badly...a quick escape, perhaps! Good luck!

[guatparents2be]

well, if it were me, i would not only talk to my sister about the incident, but i would also encourage her to get the child help.

being deliberately mean is concerning. kicking the dog is VERY concerning. not to be dramatic but i think her child needs a psych assessment, asap.

[goldeneagle]

Chidren at seven don't usually understand what they are saying I find most seven year olds hear things from adults. Why should they say this. A seven year old has not got the concept and understanding of adoption. Someone most have said to them you have been taken away from your mummy. My cousions used to say your special you were chosen. That is what they heard so repeated it to me. I think I would be asking the question which adult has been talking in frount of themxxxxx

[goldeneagle]

P.s. kicking the dog not nice. Look at google scholar children who are cruel to animals. I think there is a case study who talks about a seven year old. Most of google scholar is evidenced based. You can look at anythingxxx

[Tammy2005]

I agree with goldeneagle 100%, a 7 year old for the most part will not come up with the hurtful words she said if she didnt allready hear them from someone else. Maybe this is what those kids are told in their house, and if this is the case, the 7 year old is not going to know what she has said was hurtful and not right, because this is what she hears. I think its their parents who need the talking too. Until then I wouldnt let any of them come to your family functions. Tammy

[Lorraine123]

Childhood cruelty to animals is VERY serious. I would be more concerned about that than anything else.

[beverlyanderic]

holy crap- yes, those are some mean kids. unfortunately, kids that young do have mean streaks and they usually learn it from others- most likely who they are around the most (i.e. parents, good friends, etc). is your sister mean spirited? her husband?

as others have said, you have to talk to your sister asap. cruelty to animals can be serious depending on if they learned it from someone or not. if learned from parents, it's still bad, but may not be as bad as if they just want or like to be mean to their dog.

regardless, talk to your sister soon and who cares if she gets mad at you- if she does, she is not a good person. i know that sounds harsh but come on.

good luck. keep us updated!
eric

[shelbydog]

If she kicked my dog and said those things in my house, she would not be allowed back in the house until she made a sincere apology and until I had a heart to heart with the Mom. Period. There has to be a consequence to her actions and words, and if her Mom didn't discipline her right there and then (a.e. demand a sincere apology - a sassy one doesn't count), then you "discipline" by telling them to leave. If she kicked my dog, she would be leaving my home then and there. Priveleges lost.

[EZ2Luv]

I am with Lorraine, kicking the dog would have been the begining of the end for that child. I will tell yoou that if it was only the adoption comment I probably could understand and figure she just didn't know any better, but deliberateanimal cruelty screams out there is a serious problem going on. Is the 9 year old equally cruel and abusive? Could it be possible that the older sister schooled her on adoption?

Sister or not, ytours needs to be made aware that her daughter is messed up and needs help. The fact that you anticipate your sister becoming angry tells me there is alot more to it. Mosty mothers do not get angry and defensive unless they know you have hit on the truth.

EZ

[Tazer]

It sounds like your niece has some jealously issues regarding your son and the manner in which he became your son. You can't watch and protect your son 24/7 no matter how you try, so just make sure he knows you are aware of what she says and asked how her statement made him feel. If in the future your niece or any other sassy kid should play the "adoption" card in a mean way use the opportunity to scoop him up, smother him with kisses and reassure him of your love while showing her just how lucky your son is to be adopted. Its exactly what my sister in law did when a mean neighborhood kid said things to the daughter she adopted from China while at a birthday party. This kid actually said "Your Mommy and Daddy had to adopt you 'cause in China they throw babies in the river and drown them because all of them are ugly." Later he said Your folks paid for you since your old Mommy and Daddy didn't want you."

My brother and S-I-L always turn it into a positive..ALWAYS.

I would be even more concerned about her animal cruelty. I wouldn't leave either my child or any of my animals with her AND I'd rush to tell my sister why. It sounds like she might need therapy at some point and your sister needs a heads up ASAP. Take care...Tracy