[sfalone]

OK, I can't take Dulce and her not sleeping. Last night was horrible.
She went down a little after 8. Was up at 9:30, 12:30. 3:30, 4:30 and up for good at 5:30 am.

When she wakes she is just sobbing and I just can't calm her. I usually just go in her room and lay on the floor next to her. She is so restless. I have never seen anything like it. She takes about a 1 hour nap in the morning and maybe another 1 to 1/12 hr nap in the afternoon. I have tried her being in our room and it doesn't help. The only thing that seems to help is her in our bed and even then she is restless that it keeps dh and I up but she doesn't wake. When she wakes I believe she is having night terrors. We have been home 2 weeks today.

Isn't there a book out there about children and sleep?

[myrachel]

STACY..
I feel for you.. Rachel did this for a good 2 months after we were home... for the 1st 2 weeks she was up every hour & didnt nap during the day.. rachel co slept in Guat but not an option for me so I just got up whwn she did & tried to calm her down.. rachel was fed all throughout the nite so maybe dulce is looking to eat or drink, I eventually weaned her of that too..

sorry not much advice just wanted to let you know that I feel your pain.. I was there too...

even now after 4 months shes not the best sleeper but its getting better..

good luck
alex

[mom2zachy]

Oh, yeah. I SO remember those days. Dulce is grieving; her whole world, from sights, sounds, smells and tastes to language to food to who takes care of her major needs has been changed suddenly and, to her, without any sense to it....

Z did this for about four months. Mostly we comforted him as best we could, rocked him endlessly, walked with him, talked to him, played Spanish lullabies, tried Calms Forte (minimal results), and lived through it. He was never one to want to sleep in our bed, but he was comforted a lot by his bottle and by one stuffed animal in particular. He eventually lengthened the time he was asleep and became a fairly good sleeper. He sleeps about 11-12 hours a night (but he's usually up once or twice) and then a two hour nap in the afternoon.

Hang in there; it gets better!

[DPline]

I am so sorry! Sleep issues are so hard. The book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child was a God-send for us when our daughter came home and was not sleeping. It really helped me to get her on a schedule because for her, sleep begat sleep. (We didn't do the CIO part.)

Good luck!

[parrotheadmom]

I Second the Book DPline mentioned it has helped us too ! My Son used to wake a lot and would want a bottle. Now he sleeps in His Room most nights from 8PM until 6AM with a 1.5 to 2 Hour Nap in the Day.

[sfalone]

she did co-sleep with the FM and she was given a bottle whenever she woke. They were giving her a full bottle every 3 hours. During the day she is ok. We are having some attachment issues but I am reading books and practicing the techniques. She is going to dh and can tolerate some people around her ( both grandmoms to be exact) just as long as she can see me.

Stacy

[CEB]

I guess the best I can tell you is this is fairly normal and it will pass. Curtis woke every 1.5-2 hours all night long and was up for good at 5 am for 4 full months after he came home, and then moved to waking every 3-4 hours for another month thereafter. After a month, we started sleeping with him on a futon on the floor of his room so when he woke, we were in his room (so he associated his room with sleep) but right next to him. We found he calmed down much faster that way. He too co-slept with his foster parents, had never slept in a room by himself and like all our kids had his world turned upside down. He was very easy during the day, but totally stressed at night. We found both the Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and No Cry Sleep Solutions books helpful, but we did not follow their prescriptions for the first couple of months - we just felt he was not ready yet. Once we did, he settled into sleeping through the night just fine - but he still gets up between 5-5:30 am every morning (UGH). Good luck!

[prayingmommy]

Thanks so much for posting this. We have been home a little over 3 weeks and are going through the exact same thing. DD is very restless during the night and cries about once each hour. The ONLY thing that works is for me to pick her up and hold her and it has to be me, not DH. She is sound asleep before her head hits my chest. It is a cycle that goes on all night long. When we first got home I tried putting her in in crib which I had put right beside my bed, I could pat her back she was so close to me. She would have none of it and would cry uncontrollably and sling herself around in her crib. She is now in our bed and keeps us all up most every night. I just keep thinking that it will get better. It has to get better! I can't figure out what is wrong with her. It must be that she is reacting to the drastic changes in her life. Our pediatrician said to give her a month or so before we try the crib again.

For those of you who have already been through this, please give us some examples of the methods that have worked for you. I don't think DH and I can stand to let her cry it out. We just can't make ourselves do that to her.

[robandjulie]

You don't sound like you're completely against cosleeping, just that she's too active for it to be practical since you two can't sleep. So could you compromise with a pack-n-play or crib in your room? Or for a few weeks have DH sleep on the couch and you cosleep until she gets more secure? During that time maybe he can watch her from 5:30-8 and let you get 3 solid hours of sleep in the morning which might get you through. And after a week or two more she may feel secure enough to sleep in her bed, or in a nearby P-N-P or you two will have settled into a comfortable cosleep pattern and he can get back in bed.

I'm a huge fan of cosleeping, especially if they're used to it already. Not trying to guilt people into it, but how would you feel if you went from sleeping at night with your significant other curled up a few inches away to being left alone in a bed in the middle of a strange gymnasium at night. Of course you'd wake up and freak out and not sleep well for awhile. For kids not used to their own bed and own room--not to mention the sights, sounds, smells, textures, and tastes of their new environment, it seems like a miracle if they would sleep at all. I really feel strongly about this, obviously, and see positive sleep experiences as a major opportunity for bonding.

One other thing--many of my friends who coslept with either a bio child from newborn stages or an adopted child starting in later infancy or toddlerhood agree that after a week or two you learn to sleep better together and that it does really disrupt the first few weeks but cosleeping gets better. Just like you learned to ignore your spouse curling up or snoring lightly or whatever, you learn to tune out the floppy little one enough to sleep.

Now, all that said, if co sleeping really isn't an option, we did use "the no cry sleep solution" to deal with some sleep issues while co sleeping and again when we transitioned DD to her own room eventually. It really covers a huge range of ages and ideas.

[Luvhannah]

My daughter cried off and on every 1 to 2 hours for first 2 months after we got home in March of this year. She was a year old when we brought her home. Now it is better but she still cries out about twice a night and I go lay down beside her and just stay there all night. She hated the crib so we got a twin bed and she does do better. I did not let her cry it out at all. It will get better but it takes time. You are in my prayers. I know how you are feeling.

[susy...patience]

Since she's only been home a few weeks, I think she's scared to death....

My DD has been home over 2 months but we still have some rough nights. I went with the co-sleeping (I have learned to sleep & sometimes I think I fall asleep before her), I also give bottle when she wakes (I know some people say no, but I go with it), and finally we played with & I talked about a special bunny that makes her feel better & she clutches it to sleep. I also put a small bottle in corner of her pack n play of juice/formula & sometimes when she wakes she finds it & starts drinking it vs. becoming so upset.

My adoption clinic also suggested 2 things:
fan or white noise in background to mask sounds of new house that might scare her (clock, air conditioner,etc that we pay no attention to might scare her)

AND

having a parent sleep with a piece of bedding for her bed for several nights (I've used pillowcase I've used or even slept with crib sheet then put it on her pack n play)--supposedly when they wake they can smell you & thus feel comforted.

[mom2zachy]

I swear, I had so little sleep during that time, that everything is kind of hazy LOL

What I remember about it is that Z just kind of wound down on the waking up thing is how I remember it. When he first came home, he would wake up every hour to hour and a half, sometimes 45 minute incremements, crying uncontrollably and difficult to comfort. Our bed wasn't even an option with him....he wanted nothing to do with it....I don't think he slept with the fmom. He very gradually transitioned from waking every hour to waking every two hours to waking every three hours and I remember there was about six weeks between each transition. I took close to 12 weeks FMLA and I remember he was still getting up about every three hours when I went back to work.

Things we did that seemed to help:

-establish a bedtime routine (bath, lotion rubdown, story, in bed, music on, lights out) and stuck to it at the same time every night

- we used the bedtime lavender scent shampoo from Johnson's and Johnson's. As weird as it sounds, that did help....especially after a few nights...it just seemed to trigger something in his head that it was time to start settling down.

- we bought a CD of Spanish lullabies....REALLY SLOW music and left it on low volume while he slept. After a while, it stopped playing (maybe like after 10 or 11 weeks) and we replaced it with REALLY SLOW music, but this time in English...and that one is still working (yay!)

- we used the no cry sleep solution, too and it was helpful. We really didn't let him CIO, too tramatic for an already traumatized child, in our opinion

- We rocked and rocked and rocked him. Had to be me and not DH and had to be standing up, with his head on my shoulder and side to side. Couldn't be rocking chair. Couldn't be him lying in my arms. Couldn't be back and forth rocking. Don't ask me why, but this was what usually got him to sleep for the first few weeks.

- We let him keep the bottle, but slowly replaced 1 ounce at a time with water, until now we have a 7 parts water to 1 part milk solution in his bottle. It's disgusting, IMO, but he adores it. He's 28 months old and we still let him have a bottle at night. It is his soothy and he really needs it to feel safe. We were going to wean him off it this summer, but he's making a lot of strides in other areas, so we decided to let it be until the fall. We'll re-evaluate at that time.

- got him a special toy (GloWorm) that we gave to him whenever he cried....eventually, he would look for it and clutch it. He also has a very soft stuffed lamb (named: what else? Lambie) that he just adores and he would clutch it and suck on it and rub it on his face to soothe himself. Let me tell you, this thing got so disgusting I was embarassed to show it to my own mother, but it was like magic after a while.....it didn't keep him asleep, but it sure did help him go down!

Hope some of this helps and that you can get some sleep!!

[LJR1974]

We used Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child too. 6ish weeks after coming home, DS was still up often thru the night. We needed major help.

We couldn't co-sleep (we also had a newborn in a bassinet in our room that woke often. Plus we're both 6 ft tall in a queen bed) and we didn't have room in our small bedroom for a crib. DS had to learn to sleep in his own room by himself. And quickly.

After reading the book, we immediately started a bedtime routine. Bed, bath, bottle, rocking, soft music, fan to drown outside noise.

We also temporarily moved his bedtime up drastically. He was getting so tired he was running on adrenaline and couldn't sleep. So for about 2 weeks, he went to bed @ 5:30. I know, it sounds nuts. But after moving his bedtime up he only woke up maybe 2 or 3 times since then. Eventually we slowly moved bedtime back (by about 20 min every 4-5 days). It's still early... about 7/7:30. Now he sleeps thru the night every night (roughly 7-7) and takes a nap every day. It took awhile, but now he NEVER cries going to bed anymore. I think toddlers really depend on structure. A routine so they know what to expect.

I was running on so little sleep I thought I'd lose my mind. It was very, very hard. But it gets better. I really recommend Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.

[kvondera]

your daughter sounds just like our son-- we tried everything to help him with his sleep issues. We ended up co sleeping with him and that really helped. He only tolerated to be held by me, my husband, and the grandmas ( if I was within reach) for a long time. Now he is doing great, but he still wants to sleep with us. We are slowly transitioning him into a big boy bed and he seems excited about that. I remember feeling soooooo sleep deprived and then dealing with my two five year old girls at home. I was a wreck for a while. I feel your frustration. On a side note-- Brody really had trouble sleeping when he had an ear infection-- which we didn't realize was going on because he didn't have any outward signs.... just a thought to keep in the back of your mind. Good luck and it does get better. No two kids are ever alike that is for sure!

[dmg0703]

She is grieving. Try a comforting stuffed animal to sleep with and a nice, soft blanket. Get her into a routine as quickly as you can. Read a book to her before bed, hold her as much as you can before bedtime. I am sorry to bear the news that it will take a few months (most likely) before she gets better, but it will happen. I refuse to co-sleep, JMHO. But I did spend A LOT of time PLAYING with DS in his room during the daytime so that he grew to know and feel comfortable in it. We now have mostly good nights (some random set backs, off and on) but a THOUSAND times better than when he first came home......

ROUTINE, ROUTINE, ROUTINE - it saved us!!!!!!