[mommyto2guatboys]

I was wondering when some of your children started noticing the color of people's skin? My son is 3.5 and just in the last couple of weeks he has started to notice other people's skin colors. One day when we were out at a store he told the clerk that his brother was the brown one. Now on that note, both boys are from Guatemala, but youngest skin color is very dark, and my oldest is very light. I know he is just pointing out the obviouse, but it is embarrasing. Just today he went with my friend to her house, and my friends boyfriend is African American and he ran around the house and asked her where the brown guy was. She called me laughing and had to tell me this because I had told her a couple of weeks ago what he had said about his brother being brown. I guess I am just wondering if this is normal? and I would love some help with good things to say to him about this. I have talked to him now alot about it is okay to be different, etc and read books, but I don't know what to say to him right at the moment in public because I am usually so shocked! Any help with thigns to say would be great!

thanks,
Magen

[mommytoEli]

3 or 4 is probably normal. eli is not quite there yet, but my 5 year old started when he was about 4. he will notice attributes in people and then say things like, "why is her skin brown like eli's? that is just how God made her?" i can say yes....and it is over. i have decided to not make a big deal about it right now. but i have taught him that he can not say it in public...he has to wait until we get to the car. this has helped many of our LOUD 'noticings' for now.

[bethy724]

My son knew when he was about 2 years old when his Montosorri (sp?) teacher told him he was brown & his mom was white - I pulled him from the school-he is now in a more diverse school with intellegent teachers. I thought we'd have a few years of color blindness- unfortunatly other people & their big mounth's are not color blind.

He's 4 now & notices skin color more often. This past Christmas he was afraid of every Santa Clause but at the last Christmas party we attended he ran to him - I asked why he wasn't afraid of that Santa & he said "his skin is brown like me" (all the other santas were white)

I remind him God knew exactly what he was doing when he made us & we are EXACTLY how were supposed to be & we are all the same inside.

[giovanni7460]

I think its very normal. I would just say something like "Oh that brown guys name is _________". I think I would say yes your right he is brown but its nicer to call him by his name. And yes your brother is brown but its better if you say this is my little brother. If you look at mommy and daddy we have a different color. But you dont call me white and daddy white. You call us mommy and daddy. Sometimes people get there feeling hurt if you dont use there names. We call you our baby (name here). Buat you know thats so cool that you know your colors. Why dont we try to name colors of all the things we eat today. Now whats mommys friends boyfrieds name? Its really nice, isnt it?
Hope that works a bit.
Patty

[jose'smom]

I think everything you described is normal. My only comment would be to say to you specifically to try not to be embarrassed by the comments. Honestly, he is just stating what he sees as fact. He sees brown skin and white skin and they are different. I doubt he has any other hidden agenda there. I think when we get nervous or embarrassed, they tend to realize that there is maybe something wrong with stating skin color and that's when they learn differences. Just my experience.

[drasusi]

My niece was 3.5 when my son came home from Guatemala. She brought photos to her pre-school for show and tell. She told the entire class, with great excitement "I have a new cousin. His skin is brown. It's cool...the rest of us are all pink." (We are a fair-skinned family.) My sister said the teacher reported that she said the photos were beautiful, and isn't it wonderful how we're all the same inside......Think it's a pretty normal age for noticing color differences.

[luvcynee]

my son is 2 and he notices-he will sit in my lap and pat my skin(white!) and then pat his..and look at it quizzically. He also points to darker, or latino kids in books and stories and pictures and say "D!" (his name is Diego, and he calls himself D) and point to little girls who are fair, and blonde "Abs!" (his cousin is named Abigail and is white) so I think for now, he likens each darker child to him, and lighter kids for his cousin. She is 2.5 and one day he and she were outside running in the sprinklers naked (potty training!) and she stopped and pointed to his skin, and then hers and gleefully said "hey! you are brown, and I am white!" and ran off again. To me, I was proud that to them, the difference is the norm so far. (his cousin lives with us right now as well) But I am waiting for the question as to WHY next.. so, I will get some good answers from this forum as always.
Cynthia

[Momonthefarm]

I recently purchased several children's books to have on hand and to share with our girls' teachers if necessary. One is by Sesame Street called We're different We're the Same. The Colors of us by Karen Katz, It's Okay to be different by Todd Parr (really bright colors, funny illustrations, great book!), I don't have your eyes, by Carrie Kitze. Our library is great about inter library loans if you could do that to preview before you would buy them.

All of these would be a great starting point for discussing differences of many kinds and then perhaps reminding him of how others may feel sad if he points out those differences. Good luck! Renee

[Clare'sMom]

My little girls started to notice differences at about 3, but they mainly focus on hair and eye color. We have lots of skin colors in our very large extended family. Brown eyes are a big deal in our house, but one of my 4 yr olds wants blue eyes like Cinderella when she get big.....

[mommytoEli]

after i read this thread today i was hanging out with eli, and he asked me a question about toes...i could have sworn he said he wanted to know why our toes are different colors and why mine were white. i was a little taken back, so i asked him to repeat himself and he said, "mom....why are my toes white, and your toes red?" lol.....ahh....not race, just nail polish....now that is a question i can answer easily.

[Dmitry'smom]

When my son was 3 and 4 he thought he was african american. We had a friend who is African American and Dmitry walked up to him one day and as plain as day asked " how long you been black?" My friend laughed and sail All my life...Dmitry replied "yep, me too".

Of course this is the same boy who would ask his friends "whose belly did you from?"

It's funny because they see it clean and pure and we worry about what other people will think.

[DPline]

When a friend of mine was close to her due date with her fourth child, her then 3.5 year old son announced one day that this baby would probably would be brown-skinned since they already had three white kids. His logic being my family had one white skinned child and two brown skinned children so they should be due for a brown skinned child too. It was cute because he was so serious about it.

I think it is all pretty normal at that age. My kids all started noticing difference (not only skin color but weight, height, etc.) between ages 3 and 4.

The problem is that at age 5 I STILL can't get DS#2 to stop making comments at full volume and pointing!

[guatparents2be]

Not sure about specific age but I have to agree that imho it is not such a terrible thing for the kids to make these comments out loud. If we make a big deal about not noticing skin colors that we obviously notice it is a subtle comment that it's not ok to talk about it at all.

I bet Quesita will have some interesting thoughts on this...

[amyfk]

My child is 2 3/4 and so far she still doesnt notice the racial differences/skin color differences. She does pick up if someone has a pimple on his face or if someone is handicapped(just beginning to), but not skin color yet.
I am in an adoption group where many folks have adopted transracially. According to the women in the group around late 3 - 4 the kids start to pick up on this difference.
Amy K, NJ

[mommyto2guatboys]

Thanks everyone for such great responses. Last night we read Todd Parr's book, it's okay to be different, and when the part about color came up my son didn't blink an eye and kept making up his own it's okays to be.... so yep, I think he's normal just noticing the world around him.

Magen