[rapf777]

Hi all, I know I can count on you all. As some of you know my SIL and I got into a big argument months ago and we are still not talking. Now things have gotten worse. Apparently I have not been the only one noticing her drinking problem as well as some other issues. Today my brother calls me and you can tell his heart is hurting. My DB is the only one working to put food on the table so he could not stay at home in the evenings to take care of his 10 year old son. In between jobs my brother went home to get some paper work today (Most of the time he leaves in early am and comes back late pm to a sleeping household everyday (even Saturdays and Sundays). My nephew proceeds to tell his dad that he has not eaten all day. So my brother quickly goes to make him dinner to find nothing in fridge and only a package of hotdogs in freezer. He quickly makes him dinner and told him he promises he will be home early tonight. Apparently she has stopped cooking, cleaning, talking, and eating. She just lays in bed. My brother wants to get her help but she refuses to go. My brother is thinking of baker acting her. Before he goes to this point can anyone offer any ideas on to get her help. We also need your prayers. She has been suicidal in the past and we are afraid that one day she will end her life. Also pray for my brother to keep him strong through this. And especially my nephew who is struggling with all of this. My heart goes out to her...I don't want anything to happen to her...deep down I really do love her even tho I am upset with her. Please need advice ASAP!!! My brother is coming over for dinner with my nephew tonight and I want to throw some ideas out to him...

TIA

Rose

[shoegirl06]

I wish had some advice for you, but I'm sending good thoughts your way that everyone will be able to find some peace through all of the chaos.

[DeeVee]

I wish I had some good advice, but I don't. I know how difficult it is to try to convince someone to get help when they either don't want it or don't believe they need it or that it will do any good. Sending prayers your way for you, your nephew, your brother and SIL.

[LadyTink]

I will be praying!!

[connorsmommy1999]

oh my gosh Rose!

I think the baker act might be the way to go.

I dont have any other ideas on how to get her into treatment. Can you make some small fridge/freezer meals for your nephew that he can microwave ?? maybe put your leftovers into small tupperware continers?
that little boy needs to eat! My DS is almost 10 and they just cant go without food...they get mentally irritable, moody, sad etc because their little bodies need so much just to keep up with the growing and playing. He CANT deal with all that's going on and have his blood sugars out of whack from missing meals.

oh my gosh, my heart just aches for that little boy.

keep us posted. I'll definitely be praying!

[joepegcamp]

Wow. Prayers are coming your way.

We had this in our family a few years ago. With our aunt, it was a major depressive disorder. We had her committed for the 48 hours allowed by law and then she sought out-patient treatment on her own. She was also drinking, but in hindsight we realized that she was self-medicating.

Please check with your local authorities about what can be done in your state. Most states allow for an involuntary 48-hour hold. After that, if the person isn't an obvious threat to herself or others, she is released from custody.

But, in those 48 hours, she is seen my doctors, therapists and social workers. And that helps.

[dac_cincy]

I am so sorry for what your brother is going through, I will say though, and I say this wiht kindness and compassion. Your brother is an adult and he has a choice in this matter- your nephew is 10 and he is a victom. Please talk with your brother and see if there is someone in the family who could take your nephew in for a week or 2. This child needs to know that he is more important than his mother's disease. He needs to be fed, he needs to be cared for. I am not saying that oyur brother does not love his son, in fact his actions show just how much he does love his son. but this situation is not healthy for your nephew and his physical well being need to be addressed as a priority.

Your brother and his family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Love to you,
Deb

[humanpitchpipe]

My DH had to be hospitalized as a result of a mania episode. Fortunately, he was willing to go to the hospital. I could not take him because of my work schedule and also I knew that at the time I could not emotionally handle it. My pastor who is also a very close personal friend of both of us took him. Is she unwilling to go at all? Or perhaps someone else can take her. I was told by our therapist that in the future I could always take him to the emergency room at any time because they always have someone available for mental health issues. I thank God every day that DH was able to quickly find a good medication mix that works for him, and I have not had to face this situation again. I am saying major prayers because this is something that I would not wish on anyone.

[JPDakota]

It is my opinion that no one can help your SIL. Sadly, addicts can't be saved. They have to save themselves if they can. I think both your brother and your nephew should get involved with one of the programs for children and loved ones of addicts. They can learn how to cope and they can be honest about how they feel with people who have been there too. That little boy can come to understand that this isn't his fault.
I also agree with the the poster who suggested the little guy stay somewhere else for awhile. This problem is way bigger than him.
Good luck and we'll pray for your family.

[Dmitry'smom]

I am sorry that your entire family is having to go through this. My oldest brother is a recovering alcoholic. He had been a drinker for years but I was always sheltered from it. About 2 years ago he hit rock bottom and my brother and I had to commit him to a recovery center several times. Once we had him forced into the center against his will. If nothing else it saved his life at a time when we thought we would get that dreaded call in the middle of the night.

I am proud to say he just celebrated 2 years sober so there is always hope.

No advice just lots of prayers coming from our family.

[rapf777]

Originally Posted by dac_cincy

I am so sorry for what your brother is going through, I will say though, and I say this wiht kindness and compassion. Your brother is an adult and he has a choice in this matter- your nephew is 10 and he is a victom. Please talk with your brother and see if there is someone in the family who could take your nephew in for a week or 2. This child needs to know that he is more important than his mother's disease. He needs to be fed, he needs to be cared for. I am not saying that oyur brother does not love his son, in fact his actions show just how much he does love his son. but this situation is not healthy for your nephew and his physical well being need to be addressed as a priority.

Your brother and his family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Love to you,
Deb

Hi Deb,
First of all Thanks for the well wishes. I fortunately live in the same neighborhood as them and it will take less than a minute to get to their house if ever an emgency would arise. My DB just left our house and I gave him a list of hospitals with pshycologist listings on them. I also gave him information for a support group for them as well as for my nephew. We found out some new information that he "thinks" might be bothering her. But we will never know until she talks to someone. As for my nephew he does not want to leave his mom alone. So since I live close enough I will be checking on him throughout the day and will make sure he is being feed and if he wants to go with me for a few hours he has his dad permission to let me know and I will pick him up. He will be getting in touch with a counseling ministry on what steps to take. He does not want her to get any worse than she is and wants to make sure of the steps he needs to take. Again I appreciate all the help.

Rose

[hscott]

Originally Posted by JPDakota

It is my opinion that no one can help your SIL. Sadly, addicts can't be saved. They have to save themselves if they can.

I am going to have to disagree. Sometimes people need the strong intervention of another person to even get to a place where they are capable of helping themselves.

Rose, your family is in my prayers!

Heather

[rapf777]

Originally Posted by JPDakota

It is my opinion that no one can help your SIL. Sadly, addicts can't be saved. They have to save themselves if they can. I think both your brother and your nephew should get involved with one of the programs for children and loved ones of addicts. They can learn how to cope and they can be honest about how they feel with people who have been there too. That little boy can come to understand that this isn't his fault.
I also agree with the the poster who suggested the little guy stay somewhere else for awhile. This problem is way bigger than him.
Good luck and we'll pray for your family.

Hi,
I have given my brother information for a support group for him and my nephew. Thanks for the prayers.

Rose

[rapf777]

Originally Posted by hscott

I am going to have to disagree. Sometimes people need the strong intervention of another person to even get to a place where they are capable of helping themselves.

Rose, your family is in my prayers!



Heather

Hi Heather,
I heard of a group called something with tough love. I have heard this to be very successful. My DB and family definitely need some sort of intervention of a professional who is a specialist in this matter. I appreciate the prayers.

Thank you,
Rose