[SKL]

If I was feeling gutsy that day, I'd say nicely, "I couldn't help overhearing you. I'm an adoptive mom and I assure you that I am in every sense of the word my child's real mother."

More likely, wuss that I am, I would have just rolled my eyes and walked away.

[keirasmom]

I probably would have said "Hippa, Hippa, Hippa" loud enough for them to hear me and then walked awayor if I was feeling punchy I may have interrupted them and said in a low whisper"what do you mean not his real mother? Was she imaginary?"

Usually I just ignore those comments, while it would be nice to "educate" the masses on proper terms it would be exhausting and probably lost on the ding dongs that say the ridiculous things. Its' not just the insensitivity regarding adoption and adoption terms either, my skin crawls when Asians are referred to as Oriental (um no, that describes a rug or vase not a person) and why can't people come up with something more appropriate than "Chinese Auctions"...Grrr that makes me nuts (especially when it is usually churches and upstanding organizations that use that term)! It's really hard not to be annoyed or angered by such ding dongs.

The important thing is what our kids hear from us.

[drjeanne]

Oh my! Oh my! HUGE HIPPA violation! Wow! I think I'd have looked over with furrowed brow and said....LOUDLY....excuse me ladies but, you're clearly violating the Hippa act by talking about this in public. Could you please at least lower your voices so the rest of us don't have to participate in breaking the law"?

I hear the "real" mother comment from time to time too...and, I have to admit, when I first brought DD home, I caught MYSELF using it a couple of times! I know I know but, really, I've never been around adoption before and it just kind of slipped out so, I can see how others might slip up too. As a medical professional I have to say I was more shocked by the gossip about a client than the use of the term "real" mother!

Jeanne

[RavenSong]

Originally Posted by keirasmom

... if I was feeling punchy I may have interrupted them and said in a low whisper, "what do you mean not his real mother? Was she imaginary?"

I have to admit when I first read this thread, this comeback made me go into hysterics. Brilliant, just brilliant! I can just see Keirasmom whispering that line to those inconsiderate people!

[mildredjohn]

Probably I will say:

excuse me I know I'm not part of this conversation but is so loud that you made me part of it. The term used as REAL MOM is totally incorrect because even when that woman is not the biological mother is the woman who's raising the boy and just that make her his mother.

[wildboyz2]

As "myguatbabes" said, personel talking like this is breaking client confidentiality and I would more likely broach that.

[2xaround]

Besides the inappropriateness of the "real" mom comment, this is total violation of HIPAA confidentiality laws. I work with individuals with developmental disabilities. Many of my clients don’t have the ability to advocate for themselves. It’s my job to advocate for them. If those staff members were discussing an individual’s personal info in public(and whether or not one is adopted is definitely personal info), it’s a violation of the law. Period.

I’d have reported them in a heartbeat….
km[/quote]

KM is absolutely right here. Besides the fact that they are in violation of the law, as the mother of a DD son, I would be very upset if staff were discussing personal information about my child and would want it reported.

[annaguat]

I would have complained to park and rec. It is totally unprofessional to discus clients in public. I would not have responded on the commment in this case because of the situation. Anna

[alinev]

Depending on my state of mind, I would likely have politely asked them if they had "eaten a brain tumor for breakfast" and then continued with commentary about what a "real mother" is and how inappropriate it is to be discussing their client so openly.

But that's just me..

[purplecat]

I work with CAP-MR/DD and every cosumer has the right to confidentiality as required by our state law, federal HIPPA statues and the Constitution of the United States.
Any provider or staff member who breaches consumer confidentiality shall be subject to corrective action, including legal action.

The real mom comment is very insensitive and ignorant.

I definitely would have reported them.

[RCK816]

Not being as cool headed as ej-momtobe, I would have said something because she said it loud enough for everyone around her to hear. I might have said that adoptive parents are real parents and would take offense to that remark. That way, you're not outing you or your son but making a sensitive observation and educating someone very ignorant.

A similiar incident happened to me this week in CPR certification class. A woman who is trying to foster-adopt two toddlers made a remark that bothered me about her children. It was something we were discussing in class about how to save a tooth and one option is to put the child's dislocated tooth in your own mouth (saves the dentin) until you get to the dentist. Sounds gross but I think most of us wouldn't think anything of this. This lady blurted out that she didn't know if she could do this as she had 2 FOSTER children and I looked at her like "so what"?

[drjeanne]

hahahahah So, I guess the lady thought she had to have the same genetic code as the child in order to keep the tooth wet? Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez! People are SO dumb! It's disheartening sometimes.

Jeanne