[AnasMama]

I used to come here frequently to talk about my sweet little girl, and to read about all of your sweeties. I used to have a blog for my sweet little Ana, until someone posted an ugly comment that really broke my heart. Lately, I find myself reading a post written by a person that is very anti adoption. All of the things that are said are very hurtful. It was a real wakeup call to me that there are people out there that hate us. There is no way on this earth that takes away from the intense love that I have for my daughter.

The recent news on the case of the stolen children in the Guatemalan circuit has really hit me deep and hard. I mean I am 99.99997% sure that my child was not stolen, but there is always the part of me that says "what if?". I mean there is corruption in adoptions all over the world. There is corruption in the United States, Canada, Mexico, Asia! It is so terrible that this has happend. I do not want to devalue that in any way. I just wish that the press would have a little sensitivity.

I need to know that my daughter is going to grow up and know that she was loved and that she was not stolen. I need her to know that she was not simply a bandaid to heal my "infertile soul" (btw... I am not infertile, and if I were there would be nothing wrong with that).

I just need another adoptive mom to tell me it is going to be okay. That they understand how I feel.

BTW. Today is my husband and my 4th anniversery. I should be in a better mood!

[kelceesmom]

Not from the Guat side of adoption. But, your feelings are valid and I am sorry that you are going thru your pain right now.

There are a lot of insensitive people out there. Some try to get your goat up just because. You will get thru this and tomorrow is another day.

[JustBarbara]

Well, Happy Anniversary to you and your DH. Oh some people are just so miserable in their own lives that they feel the need, get some kind of a kick, by bashing other people, their lifestyles, their life choices etc. There are many, many people in many countries who feel IA is wrong and that people should only adopt domestically. Usually they are ignorant of the IA and domestic adoption processes and how constantly the rules, protocols etc. are changing. These people are certainly entitled to their opinion. Not everyone loves children. Not everyone loves adopted children. Not everyone treats adopted children the same as bio children. Try not to waste any more energy or emotion on those who are so miserable. I know it's easier said than done. And most of us here on this board know, KNOW, that there will be many more negative comments re: IA after reading the most recent news article. Don't blame it all on the media - it is usually non-media people who post the nasty comments. In both IA and domestic adoptions there can always be some questions. It sounds like you're in a bit of a rut, feeling sad and hurt by the comments. I sleep well at night. I love DS more than I can even believe - I am blessed to have him in my life and I would do anything for him. And I feel pity for those who need to lash out. Perhaps they've just lost their job, had a fight with their spouse, can't have children and can't afford to adopt, have children and don't love them. And on and on. Hang in there - little Ana is adorable.

[TeeTee]

It is very hard to think of what the future will bring. Love your child now and they will always know that you loved them. Don't pay attention to any of the ugly posts made by ignorant posters! They do not deserve for us to get upset about their ugliness and shallowness! I know that is easier said than done.

I know my child was given up by choice as we have pix of her birthmom handing her over to the Foster Mom. However I must admit that I do worry what will go thru my dds head about her adoption when she is older. We love them so much that we want to shelter them from any pain and suffering. I hope and pray that loving her and being there for her and raising her to be a confident person will show her that this is where she was meant to be and that she was loved by many. Who all helped her on her journey home to us!

Please dont let this all get you down...try to have a wonderful anniversary.

[dspakowsky]

Personally, I believe that God has lined up my life with my daughters... and that's a power with great force. For whatever reasons in this world, "my" child was choosen for me, by God. That's huge responsiility, and I don't take it lightly. I don't have all the answers, but I do know that each day is a gift. I do know my heart is pure with intentions, and I pray our my children's adoptions are honest too. I lay my head on my pillow at night feeling confident that I am the parent to my children and will will love them to my best ability.
HUGS

[mildredjohn]

Today s a special day for you and your husband so BE HAPPY!!!!
Don't let others to rule your feelings. There's so many ignorant and stupid people around the world that I think that when you see or hear something from them just think how miserable their lives are and how blessed is yours having the opportunity to know and feel the special feeling that we, AP, feel when we are adopting and then when we have our kiddos home. Be sad for them, not for yourself. They don't deserve any second of our lives.

[b_fettes]

Have a lovely anniversary! I think the only way to set the demons aside is to have birth family contact. Then you can share the truth with your beautiful daughter and the posts of others will have no impact as you will know the truth of your adoption.
I know there must be other reasons for a search too but our contact has brought us and the first families so much peace of mind.

Good luck
Mary

[mayaprincess]

I have said this many times before, and I will say it again: "As a native Guatemalan, I know first hand the poverty that many of us have grown up in. I have seen the children begging, hugry and dirty. My parents left Guatemala to give us a better life and I have had a great one. I questioned and cried over my infertilit, but only to have God tell me that there was another purpose for my life. Years later, my husband and I have adopted a Guatemalan child. This is God's gift to us.
I thank each and every one of you who have adopted one of my own. I know that they will no longer be a statistic in Guatemala. They have a great future ahead of them with a family who loves them and call them their own. They will have the chance to grow up and be productive and hopefully return one day to their native country to to help their own. I thank you from the bottom of my heart, for adopting my little brothers and sisters - my Guatemalan family! God bless you!!!

[duckmom]

I read the post you are talking about too. As far as feeling peace about what really happened with our own childrens adoption, what struck me most about the post was that we shouldn't believe everything we read, especially from the media.
After all the hoopla about stolen babies and illegal activities, in-process cases were scrutinized and birth mothers were dragged in to be interogated about their decision to place thier babies for adoption. I have heard about only a few cases where there may have been inconsistencies. I have even read that they are stopping these interviews because there were no cases of irregularities. So, if the irregularities are so far and few in between, I have to believe this for my child who was brought home before all of the interviews.
I have thought alot about what the birthmothers went through in that interview. I cannot even fathom it. To go through that, I know her love for my now "in-process" child ran deep. I have no questions in my mind about what my childs birthmother desires were. She stated them clearly to the authorities. More than once. And there are no words for the gratitude and love I feel her.
I hope that made sense.

[Claudia214]

Happy Anniversary!!! - Today is our anniversary too - and we have also been married for 4yrs!! -- Funny!

[angel_bayou]

Happy 4th anniversary to both of you!!

I don't think I read the post you're referring to and I hope it wasen't posted on this board!! So many people can be so cruel and they'll never know the love one can have for a child that is not from their womb!! I too have wondered about what my daughter would think but I now hae contact with her first family and I'm glad I know there story! I do want to say though that as I have contact with them I still have not gotten the same story twice!! Both versions I got on both my trips to meet them were totally different!! I hope your heart heals and love that little one!! BIG HUGS to you and it will get better!

[Slatond10]

I understand your feelings and hope the other posters have given you some peace. Have you considered a birthmother search?

This may not be for you? So do what is right for you !!! But I applied and received the G884 "original" documents of the adoption and reviewed them closely. Also hired a searcher to find the birthmother/brthfamily. I did this to make contact and open a door for my DD to have a relationship w/ her birthfamily.

BUT a wonderful side effect was that I did make contact and although may never know the WHOLE story I do know that my DD was not "stolen." The media stories like you mentioned still tug @ my heart strings but at least I don't internalize them.

A search for me was a roller coaster ride w/ lots of emotional issues too... However, most of it has been very positive. I pray that our relationship will continue to grow with the birthfamily.

[DPline]

I saw your post yesterday and didn't post as I just didn't know what to say. I still don't other than I know exactly how you feel.

(((hugs)))

[AnasMama]

I have acually considered doing a birthmother search. I always imagined doing it when Ana was a little older, like 8, but I guess there is no time like the present. I would love to be able to at least comunicate with her first mother and send her pictures for her to see that her (our) child is loved and cared for. Thanks for the information on how to start!

[SKL]

I looked at the article whose link you provided. I feel sorry for the miserable, possibly mentally ill person who wrote that article. Nobody who was right in their mind would write something so unkind.

This is one aspect of adoption of which we are blissfully ignorant until we become part of the adoptive community: attitudes that can twist something beautiful into something ugly. I understand how you feel, as I have felt extremely defensive myself at times.

If you've done your research, you know that "stolen babies" in modern Guatemalan adoptions are quite rare, though they do exist. You know that the vast majority of our children were voluntarily relinquished by women who believed, and continue to believe, that it was best for them to be adopted by us. I feel it does nobody any good, and least of all our kids, to second-guess whether or not we are the right people to give our children love throughout their lives. For me, the time to get comfortable with the process was before and during the process. Each of us has done so in our own way. Now our first duty is to parent our children without any second thoughts. If we handle this job right, I feel our kids will be less likely to feel betrayed or abused by the adoption process. (This negative view by adoptees is NOT the norm, though it seems to get more press than the opposite.)

I think establishing contact with the birth mom may be a good idea, but I don't personally feel it is necessary in order for me to get comfort and give my kids the explanations they will need during their youth. They will have to decide for themselves whether they need more to understand their situation as adults.

Peace! Don't let miserable people drag you down with them.