[kagmbg98]

Coleton turned 5 in June and is very "young" for his age. Academically, he is okay to start kindergarten but socially I don't think he is there.

Has anyone held their child back a year? If yes, how did it go for you? I can have him do another year at his montessori school (I work there so the money thing isn't an issue). I can then have him do Kindergarten in public school or if I felt he was ready for first grade start him in first grade and call next year is Kindergarten year.

I appreciate any advice you give.

[spidermanteache]

I am a Kindergarten teacher in public school. We tell parents that if they have any feeling that their child is not ready, then don't send them. Of course, it is totally up to the parent to make the decision. I had a little boy who turned 5 after school started...Aug. birthday but it was before our state's Sept. 1 deadline. He was young and a bit more immature then the rest, but academically he did fine. I would say that his Kindergarten year was a success. So, you just never know. Personaly, I would make sure that you send him to Kindergarten in public school if that is where you will send him to 1st grade. Anymore, many skill foundations are built in Kindergarten that are needed for 1st grade. Of course, these are only my opinions.
My son's birthday is in Sept. so he will actually almost be when he starts Kindergarten this year. I was glad that I didn't have to make the decision to hold back, but I think that I would have held him back. He was nowhere near ready at this time last year.
Good luck,

[akasohappy]

I had 2 friends recently do this with their boys.
One chose to do Kingergarten at the local public school and see how it went. She decided that this Fall he will repeat K in the private school they chose for him.
The other family felt that their little guy did way better than they thought socially and academically and they went ahead and moved him to 1st.
I almost forgot, but we know another family that decided to repeat K again, but moved him to another K classroom so he felt liked he moved and got a new teacher. He was excited and didn't seem to know the difference. He had just left preschool where he had stayed for 2 years so he rolled with the change quite well.
Good luck on your decision.

[DPline]

My bio son's birthday is in early September and like you mentioned about your son he was ready academically but not really socially. (The cut-off here in Michigan isn't until Dec. 1st.) We held him back and he went through a year of 'Young 5's' and started kindergarten a few days before his 6th birthday. I have never regreted for a second holding him back. He is now about to enter 4th grade and is an excellent student who gets great grades, is loved by his teachers, and very confident. That extra year really gave him a chance to mature and be much more prepared to go to kindergarten and for the years to come.

My younger son (home from Guatemala in Feb. 2005 at age 20 months) turned 5 in late May and we are holding him back as well. He is a wonderful, charming, social child, and everyone at school adores him, but kindergarten is so academic now (reading and doing basic match, etc.) and there is just no way he has the maturity and self control to focus as he would need to. He will probably end up being the oldest in his grade, but someone has to be.
And hopefully being one of the older, and (hopefully) more mature kids in junior high and high school will be good as well.

I have many friends who have held their children back from starting kindergarten for one reason or another, and I have never heard of anyone who regreted it. And do know several people who regret not doing so.

Good luck!

[becky]

As a long time Kindergarten teacher I strongly recommend holding back any child who is not mature enough for it. It is much better for your child to be one of the older and more mature children in his grade than to be the opposite. By being older and more mature he can be a leader in the classroom and I think that is a tremendous advantage to give your child if you can.

Good Luck!

[praying4rlittl1]

We homeschool, but for Sunday School and such, Emilee will be held back a year. Like your son, she turned 5 in June and in many ways seems more like a 4 year old to me. I think she'll be just great with the year below.

[lou0728]

I SHOULD have held my youngest ds back in Kg. Instead we struggled through it and through first grade. I am an educator and knew he needed to be held back. His dad wouldn't go for it. His grades were always above average, but he was so frustrated all the time. He didn't have the attention span he needed. I ended up holding him back after first grade, and it was the best decision I ever made. He is now a solid happy student about to enter the 6th grade. So many times boys just aren't ready..... In my experience they often need that extra year.......

[TeeTee]

I held my bio son out a year. He had been to 4 yr old preshool 2 days a week and I just didn't think he was ready for Kindergarten all day 5 days a week. I sent him to 5 yr old preschool, they offered this to parents who didnt think their child was ready. He too was immature, an only child at the time and had never been to daycare or anywhere since I am a SAHM. I am SO glad that we did, it made a HUGE difference! He did great this past year when he started Kindergarten, and never once have I regretted holding him out a year. Go with your gut, you won't regret your decision.

[Mil]

I taught preschool for about 8 yrs. My opinion is that if you're in doubt (especially for boys!) hold them back. It never hurts and can help them tremendously. My twin grandsons just made the cut-off date for Kindergarten in Michigan and my son and his wife opted to send them to Young 5's as opposed to Kindergarten. What a great move! It gave them that extra year to mature and develop skills that helped them alot. In retrospect, I should have held my own son back years ago. He just made the cut-off date and I was told by his preschool teacher and several others that he was so ready that I should send him. I shouldn't have. I should have gone with my gut and held him back.

Good luck - it's a tough decision.

[purejoy]

In our public school they offer Transitional Kindergarten for the "young" 5's or even the older ones who could use an extra year of growth. Almost everyone in our area whose child has a summer birthday sends their child to TK at age 5 and then to kindergarten when they're 6. Our school has very high-ranking test scores and a very challenging curriculum, so that extra year is really beneficial to many kids.

We chose to wait with our dd (who has a May 31 bday) b/c even though she was very academically ready, she was still napping a few times a week! (Kindergarten here is all day, every day.) I also know that those social immaturity issues may not be a big deal now but can be exacerbated in the junior high years (although, jr. hi isn't much fun for anyone, I guess!). So we tried to think of the long-term effects of our decision, rather than just short-term. As it turned out, almost all the kids born in May and after registered for TK. I like the thought of her turning 19 just before she heads off to college too. Something about having that extra year is kind of reassuring.

I also have had several parents AND educators tell me that they've never had a parent regret WAITING to send their child to kindergarten... but there are a few who regret sending them too early. So... when in doubt, wait. BTW, this is just my $.02 based on our geographical area. Maybe some of it will resonate with you, but if not -- just do what you think is best for your child and don't look back!

Good luck!

[trixila]

yikes! If you have the opportunity to hold back your son now, you should do it. My son was born in July, attended a Montessori preschool which did not pick up on his adhd and he ended up repeating Kindergarten at his next school. We had been working with several doctors by then, and rec'd some great advice: if you do not hold him back, he will always be the youngest kid in his class. Youngest to drive, go to college, etc. It was a very hard decision to make, but his very experienced Kindergarten teacher at a private school bluntly told us that my son was not ready either academically or socially to enter first grade. The earlier you hold them back, the easier it will be down the road. I so wish that I was hooked up to these message boards when I was registering my son for preschool. It is never fun to have your child repeat. I could've avoided the emotional trauma he felt at repeating if I was aware of the whole "boys with summer birthdays' thing.

[kagmbg98]

Thank you everyone! I really know what I have to do... but it helps so much to hear true life experiences.

[SKL]

It sounds like you have a good idea what you want to do and have lots of support here.

I just wanted to say that being the youngest in the class is not necessarily a problem. Most of the people in my family were the youngest, or near youngest in their classes (half of us started KG at 4, including myself), and none of us had any issues with being the youngest. I would say it wouldn't feel any more odd than being the oldest.

I just wanted to make this point for those who may read this and be sort of "on the fence" about holding back. I have heard many people comment that any child, or any boy, born after May should be held back; and I know some teachers pressure parents to do this even if there is no other evidence of non-readiness. I feel that's a troubling trend, because KG is supposed to accommodate all the kids in the prescribed age range, except for a few outliers. If a normal child falling within that age range isn't being properly served by his kindergarten, I feel that's a problem with the school, not the child. JMHO.

[connorsmommy1999]

we held both of our boys back (now 9 and 17) and have never regretted it ~

I really think they need to be ready - all the way around - and if giving him another year will allow him to be academically and socially ready then that's terrific.
I think you need to go with your gut....I was on the fence with both boys but by the next year I just KNEW they were ready and that "knowing" is such a great feeling...no worries, just a deep down "I know he's ready, he'll do great!" feeling.


---and I should add: for both boys, as they get older, we meet more and more kids who were held back...so there hasnt at ALL been a stigma- in fact DS has always thought it was really cool to be one of the first ones who got to drive, get a job etc.

[Mil]

These days it's quite common to hold kids back from starting Kindergarten or repeating K. It gets tougher to do after that age. It's more of a stigma for kids after that.

[QUOTEIf a normal child falling within that age range isn't being properly served by his kindergarten, I feel that's a problem with the school, not the child. JMHO.][/quote]


I agree with the above statement up to a point. But K or 1st grade seem to accomodate the differences in abilities, whereas when they get into 2nd, 3rd the differences become a problem.