[DeeVee]

I just got off the phone with my mom -- who I love very much and talk to several times a week (but it's probably good that we don't live near each other).

Anyway, I told her the good news about Jesse getting out of PGN, and she said "I'm shocked. I thought you had given up on that." I knew I wasn't going to get a very warm reaction from her, but it still doesn't feel good. I told her that the pickup trip might coincide with her visit to see us (she is staying for 2 1/2 weeks in August/Sept) which would be such a blessing as she could help DH with the kiddos while I was picking Jesse up. All she could say was, "but I won't get to see you as much as I wanted to." She is staying for 18 days! She knows a pickup trip is 4 or 5 days. So I said, "well, why don't you come with me?" and she said, "No. Not doing that. I want to see your other three children and spend time with them."

So now I just feel all yucky. And DH's parents are arriving tonight, and their reaction will probably be even worse. And yet, all these people say, "don't get me wrong, I love children." Hmmm... Only specific children I guess.

Ugh Ugh Ugh.

Thanks for letting me vent.

[kzwief]

Oh Dee I am sorry your Mom had this reaction. It is so frustrating when you are so excited to leap this big hurdle and that is the kind of reaction you get. I wish people would think sometimes before they open their mouths, ya know?

[jules17]

Dee, I am really sorry. That would be very hurtful. I hope you know how much we are all celebrating Jesse's OUT!

Big Hugs!

[DeeVee]

Thanks you guys. I have to remind myself that we're talking about the same woman who called me on the phone while I was still in the hospital after giving birth, to berate me for some imagined slight I had committed against my brother. Yes, that really happened.

But, she's my mom and I really do love her.

[TNR]

WAHOOOOO On your out, That is one of the best feelings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I do very much know how family members can crush you and don't have any magical words, but hey.... YOUR OUT!!!!!!!

[myguatbabes]

I am sorry. I know how much it hurts. If only we could choose our relatives!!! Hope they all come around soon!!

Blessings

[prayingmommy]

Dee, my mom has done some not so thoughtful things during this process. I don't think she ever has thought that my daugher is coming home one day soon. She would not go with me on a visit trip. Yesterday we had our baby shower and although she did attend, she didn't help much and she didn't give us a gift or offer to get one later. I know she loves me and my children so I try to move on and not dwell on it. I can only think that I am learning always from her actions so I won't repeat these things to my children.

[jimanddarla]

A ray of sunshine your mom is. I really hope she "comes around" and gives Jesse equal grandchild treatment. He deserves at least that.

Congratulations on getting out!

[DeeVee]

Originally Posted by prayingmommy

I can only think that I am learning always from her actions so I won't repeat these things to my children.

Prayingmommy, I often think the same thing. I'm sorry your mom was not supportive at your shower.

I think my mom will eventually warm up and treat Jesse as she does her other grandchildren. She just does not think we should have so many children (and we're only on number 4 here). And yet when I was growing up (I have one sibling, my brother) she always said she wanted more children, but that my dad said no, they couldn't afford more.

[afentress]

Congrats on being OUT!!

Let's hope once they see that Jesse is just a child who needs love it will all be different. Our experience is that as soon as Emma was real and here all the doubters quickly shut up.

Celebrate even if you have to do it with us

Angie

[maxine10018]

Hey girl - congrats on the OUT! YOU deserve it! BTW - for those that don't know my friend here already has 2 home grown and one heart grown at home..AND they are all little ones. My hat got off to you. Not sure how you do it.

PM me... life it finally settling down... Man, gotta say, three with 2 in diapers is not an easy feet, especially at my age.

Cheers
Karen

PS. Of ya -- parents says the strangest things.... best to just ignore it... that what our kids will do to us when they grown up. )

[DeeVee]

Originally Posted by maxine10018

parents says the strangest things.... best to just ignore it... that what our kids will do to us when they grown up. )

ROTFL Karen. How are you?? So glad to "hear" from you. I'll PM you later to catch up!

D

[cbmstephanie]

I don't know...sounds like your mom has a tendancy to stick her foot in her mouth. You have to go on pick up whether it coincides with her trip or not. She needs to understand that it's not negotiable, but you would love to have her go with or stay home with the other children and give them a little extra love before Jesse comes home. She'll come around. I think sometimes those that love us the most try to shelter us from hurt and don't realize that while trying to help us they are inadvertantly hurt us. Don't worry about it, make the offers and then do what you have to do!

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

Oh Dee....so sorry you got that response. This should be a happy time.

Gosh...what if one of your children were missing for some time....would she have said, "I thought you would have given up on that by now." ?? It just shows that she doesn't get it ...YOU see Jesse as your child already.....whether he is under your roof yet or not.....you don't wait until he's home to get those feelings and it takes special people to do international adoption for just that reason.

I am praying that between now and the pick up trip things go much better and your families get more sensitive to your feelings.

Kim

[susy...patience]

Wow.....I can understand how you are shocked. You know her better than any of us, will she warm up after she meets your little one....