[guatparents2be]

a quick reiteration here that i'm just vent-vent-venting. i'm way more amused than mad, and a bit dramatic if y'all haven't noticed.

DHs parents are sweet as can be, just not very thoughtful in certain ways (they told DH's adopted brother that they thought we should have "tried harder" to get pregnant before adopting...)

really this is more of a feminist vent anyway (and janie, the book was published in 1999.)

DH is super easy going so even though he is mocking my feminist flurry, he'll let me get rid of the books with no worry. no need to tell his parents.

i certainly don't mind daddy having being a special hero, but he is the number one go to for boo boos and illness, not for coming home from work and lifting the baby over his head. i do that.

[jeni1]

Oh for goodness sakes -- these are childrens books!
I agree with the previous post that most people do not go out of their way to offend someone with a gift and they probably did make an effort to get matching Mommy and Daddy books. Read the phrases again from a child's perspective. They are sweet innocent sayings about typical Mommy and Daddy things through children's eyes. Now if the books said that all Mommies must stay home and take care of babies and do everything Daddies say or things like that than I would think that they deserves some of the comments but try to remember children live in a lollipop, butterfly, everything is sweet and beautiful world! (ie Barney mentality!) They are not offended by things like "Mommies remind us to say Thank you and Daddies protect us from big dogs" until we teach them to be offended by things. By they way I am always reminding my daughter to say Thank you and if she had a Daddy he surely would (hopefully) be the one protecting her from any big dogs!
Jeez -- gripe about something really important like all the children in Guatemala (and elsewhere) who will go to bed tonight without a Mommy and/or a Daddy to read these books to them.

[gwenrenee007]

Originally Posted by jeni1

Oh for goodness sakes -- these are childrens books!
I agree with the previous post that most people do not go out of their way to offend someone with a gift and they probably did make an effort to get matching Mommy and Daddy books. Read the phrases again from a child's perspective. They are sweet innocent sayings about typical Mommy and Daddy things through children's eyes. Now if the books said that all Mommies must stay home and take care of babies and do everything Daddies say or things like that than I would think that they deserves some of the comments but try to remember children live in a lollipop, butterfly, everything is sweet and beautiful world! (ie Barney mentality!) They are not offended by things like "Mommies remind us to say Thank you and Daddies protect us from big dogs" until we teach them to be offended by things. By they way I am always reminding my daughter to say Thank you and if she had a Daddy he surely would (hopefully) be the one protecting her from any big dogs!
Jeez -- gripe about something really important like all the children in Guatemala (and elsewhere) who will go to bed tonight without a Mommy and/or a Daddy to read these books to them.

While I do agree that children live in a lollipop and bubblegum world I feel like you are sort of attacking Samantha. She was meerly venting, that is it. If you knew her at all you would know that she does care about the children in Guatemala that go sleep with out parents or food and the children in every country for that matter. She cares for a lot including the environment and hollistic healing. People vent about things all the time on this forum and things that are along the same lines so I don't know why you picked Samantha to jump on. I think others that have agreed or disagreed have been very respectful but I find your post a little harsh.

[jules17]

Yes, yes, they are children's books. I don't know about your children, but my children SOAK up everything I show them, teach them or read to them. And we choose not to be defined by gender roles. That doesn't mean I think any less of anyone who does, but that is how I responded - from our family's perspective.

And taking it to the level you took it to "Jeez -- gripe about something really important like all the children in Guatemala (and elsewhere) who will go to bed tonight without a Mommy and/or a Daddy to read these books to them" makes me really sad.

[jules17]

One more thing - I can put into words the main reason it bothers me. Because it puts people in boxes or suggests that "this person does this" and "this person does that." And I don't like to put people in boxes. Because that is very inaccurate. It reinforces that men are the "hunters" and women are the "nurturer/caretakers." And I call BS on that.

We can all think of situations where someone has been "put in a box" inaccurately.

I grew up with a dad that kissed way more boo boos, cooked more, cleaned more, etc. so my mom could work on another degree. Ditto my husband's parents - his dad stayed home with them while he wrote his dissertation. That was 35 years ago! I am surprised that things haven't changed more. SIGH.

[jandc]

Wow Jeni1 such hostility. There is room for disagreement in these posts but when you come across all worked up like that maybe it becomes time to sign off and go for a walk before you type.

[guatparents2be]

Originally Posted by jeni1

They are not offended by things like "Mommies remind us to say Thank you and Daddies protect us from big dogs" until we teach them to be offended by things.

Excellent point! I think I'll keep the books so I can use them to teach my son that sexism is indeed offensive to some people, and from my personal perspective as well as our family's value system, wrong- even in a children's book.

Originally Posted by jeni1

Jeez -- gripe about something really important like all the children in Guatemala (and elsewhere) who will go to bed tonight without a Mommy and/or a Daddy to read these books to them.

Um, uncalled for. Enough said.

[JillnChris]

Hey Samantha,

I just wanted to say that I complelty agree with you that I would not want to read these books to my children. When you are coming from a feminist perspective you know how dangerous these stereotypes can be and that our children learn from us and what we expose them too. If I would not read my daugther a book that said all latino's mow lawns and wash dishes then I would not read her a book that said all mommies "wait for you to come home" and "look like roses".
Sure nothing in the mommy book was offensive on it's own but the stereotype is what bother's me.

[daynesmom]

Originally Posted by jeni1

Oh for goodness sakes -- these are childrens books!

Jeez -- gripe about something really important like all the children in Guatemala (and elsewhere) who will go to bed tonight without a Mommy and/or a Daddy to read these books to them.

WOW! Why in the world are you attacking this poor girl for "venting"?? Aren't we all family here and are supposed to support each other, no matter how "trivial" the problem may seem to others??

Do you know Samantha personally that you can make this ridiculous remark about her not caring about the children in Guatemala?

Next time maybe you should stop, think, take a deep breath and then type a reply.

Or maybe just say nothing at all...

[cjrogers]

Throw the books out. We need to buck the stereotypes early for our kids so they can have open minds and live the lives that they so choose. Your inlaws sound like they may be "traditional", trying to be funny or trying to send you a message. Could be that they think this is cute and have no clue that it is offensive.... I tend to think that is mostly the issue with these types of things....

Good luck and let me know when you know what looks like a rose means...LOL.

PS. I just read through and saw your post was attacked. Seems like some people just live sad and isolated lives - you should ignore it. I would burn the books!!! Yeah!

[busterleroy]

Oh dear, hard to say if they are sending a message or not but the mommies scope is certainly ...narrow. Al though I have to say that I am a working mom and much of it applied to me. Except the rose part. I think I am more of a geranium, with a little bit of peony, maybe some daffodil...

Anyhoo, I am guessing they read the daddy one thought it was perfect for their son and got you the mommy book for parity. Unless of course your name is Rose.

[AdoptingDebora]

Thanks for this thread!

As a single mom, I celebrated Father's Day with my daughter in Guatemala by squashing a bug that was crawling around in the bedroom. There was something very satisfying and poignant about it for me... in a way, it was a small gesture that seemed a fitting tribute to our new one-parent household.

That's not to say that we don't all love and appreciate Daddies...even Daddies who do traditional "Daddy things"... just that all families are different, and that's okay, too!