[Shannavi]

My DS is a good boy 99% of the time and has been home now for three months. He has learned so much but has trouble with "no touching" on some specific things, like, playing in the dog's food/water bowl. I have told him a firm "no" several times (along with the "no" look) and removed him from that room but he just smiles at me like I'm kidding after I say it. Is this typical for a 1 yr old? I thought I was getting somewhere with the simple "no touching", commands but some days it seems as if I've never said it to him. I'm not a spanker so other than removing him after "no touching" I don't know what to do.
Advice?

[WaitingforBrian]

It was typical for my DD when she was one. She just didn't understand. Now she understands (she's 3 ) and sometimes still does it anyway. LOL
I think you just have to keep him away from whatever it is. It will be a while more before he 'gets' the message.
Hang in there. Bernie

[asauer]

I think some kids are just more persistent. Are the things that he is touching, things that can be removed? My DS is much more headstrong than DD. I can just give her my 'no' look and it's fine but he'll grab the lamp even though I've told him no 15 times in the last 3 days! We've tried to remove all objects possible to avoid saying no so much and it has worked pretty well. There are still things he just can't stay away from, but he seems to know that when we say it we mean it. Before, I think he just heard it so much that he tuned it out.

[Suzeb1]

I think it's really normal for a one-year old to explore the world with his hands. Depending on development and personality they may respond to "no," and then forget that something isn't for touching. They may remember, but be compelled to touch anyway, they may remember and enjoy that it gets a mommy/daddy reaction. All of these are very possible.

With my daughter I would use the word "no" gently and then redirect her or remove things that she shouldn't touch. I didn't want what was totally normal developmentally to become a negative. I would much rather say "yes" than "no," so I did my best to create an environment where that was possible.

My dd is now three and understands the word "no" and generally responds very well. For example, if she asks if she may turn the tv on and I say "no" she may comply or she may cry if she doesn't like my answer, ask again, maybe cry some more...but she won't turn on the tv. So, they do develop and they will learn.

You sound like a very kind and gentle mom, so I would like to share an idea that has worked for me. I have intentionally chosen to not use the words "good" or "bad" in thinking or talking about my child's behavior. I use words like "easy for me" or "challenging for me" so that I can be very clear (to myself ) that my child is not bad (or good for that matter) but just being a child with whatever behaviors she may have. It's really helped me to stay focused on helping her learn and grow rather than simply behave.

Susan
Mommy to a 3 year old who has taught her mom more about parenting than my degrees and certifications ever did

[Devora]

There is evidence that at this age most children don't understand "no" -- they understand the verb so when you say "not touching" or "don't touch", what they hear is "touch" and they do the exact thing you told them not to do. Try using a consistent phrase where you tell him what you *do* want him to do and then redirect him to a different activity.

For example, if it's touching the stove, teach him that when he stands in front of the stove you want him to put his hands in the air or on his head or something silly like that. It may look silly, but it will give him an alternative behavior.

[SKL]

My younger daughter is very headstrong and ignores "no" when it suits her. I have a few punishments that work up to a point. Being forced to sit in a boring spot doing nothing seems to work better than anything else I've tried recently. I start with 1 minute, then 2 minutes for the 2nd offense, etc. She definitely knows what I am asking of her, what I mean when I threaten consequences, and that, e.g., two minutes is longer than the one minute she had to sit out last time. Nevertheless, there are still times when the temptation to disobey is just too great. My other daughter was much more rule-bound at a much younger age. Personality has a lot to do with it.

I do try to put every command in a positive way if at all possible. This works up to a point, but when they are determined, words can only make so much difference.

[cjrogers]

My ds is a little over 1 and definitely doesn't understand NO. We have to keep him away from things he shouldn't touch and say "No touch" things like that. I am also in the phase where I am letting him explore and cleaning up the mess later... he's so gung ho about life right now that unless something will physically harm him, I let him do / touch it.

[DDAmasa]

"No" doesn't work on 1 year olds, you'll be lucky if it works regulary when he's two. The best thing is just to remove items he shouldn't be touching and/or distract him with things he can have. Good luck.

[Stormster]

I'm in the same boat, DS is 11 months and thinks no means yes. He doesn't understand it at all. Also, I have read that boys that age are even tougher than the girls.

So I literally pick him up (this is if he's done something dangerous) and put him in a different part of the room so he physically understands a more appropriate activity.

Problem is, half the time he probably thinks it's all a game! The house is baby proof/toddler proof but there are still some problem spots. I think for now it's just my job to make sure he's safe and playing with appropriate things.

I think he's way too young for time outs and all that (as if he'd stay still anyway) I expect things to get harder before they get easier and plan on doing a lot of reading about this! I also never use his name when I say no....my aunt said not to even use the word no because then for the next two years he'll say it non stop!

I also never want to punish him by sending him to his room because I want his room to feel safe and special to him.

Anyway.....GOOD LUCK!

[SKL]

I wanted to add that, at a younger age (e.g., 11-16 mos), my younger daughter responded better to my shaking my head "no" than the word "no." It might be worth a try.

[humanpitchpipe]

DS is 19 months and is just starting to say "No." He is just beginning to understand what it means. I let him explore as long as he is safe. I have dog food and water too, I feed the dogs when DS is also eating (can't get into it then) this was hard because the dogs used to be grazers and eat whenever they wanted. It has been good for them though because they are fat. The water is a little trickier. If he is playing in it I move it and distract him with something else.

[JillnChris]

Sorry but you have me laughing. YES it is typical. I do not know any one year olds that do not do this! He really does not have the self control at this age to actually stop what he is doing even if he does understand what no means which he might not yet. So, the best strategy in my opinion is to just continue saying no and removing him from the situation. We have the dogs food and water bowl in a room with the door closed (he lets us know when he wants in there) otherwise dd would be in it all the time. She is 16 months old now and is just starting to get the concept of no but if we are not there watching her she will still try to do whatever it is she is not allowed to do.
I think you can tell when they understand what no is when they start using the word correctly themselves.

Good luck! I know it is so frusturating but just keep reminding yourself that he really can't stop himself. All you can do is be consistent and he will eventually get it.

[connorsmommy1999]

*sigh*


They seem to have the same problem at 16 YEARS old too.