[dac_cincy]

My sister and her fmaily hosted a foriegn exchange student this past year. he went home to Japan in June. My sister is my daycare provider
Since then bug has been crying for him every day as we drive home and then each night at bedtime, saying he misses K. I know there is more going on with this, I know that now Bug has the words to express what he felt last year when he came home and his emotions this year are wrapped up in that loss.

And, to add to this, my brother lived with us for 7 months and when he moved out, Bug talked about him for a week and then never said another word about him being gone- I think becuase my brother never really interacted with Bug, but K played with Bug each and every day. They were a team.

I will say I was very upset when K came to live to with my sister's family- K was originally with another family. I felt this was going to be problematic when K left becuase of the timing being right at one year home for Bug. We had no warning that he would be there, justone day i picked up Bug and K was moved in.

I don't know what to do to help Bug through this. I try explaining that we wil see K again just like we will see his foster family again. I try to explain that even though K is far away, he still loves Bug just like his foster family does. I am just not sure that I am doing all I can to help him with this transition and I do not want minimize what he is going through.

Am I missing something here, is there something I should or should not be doing?

Love to you,

[cbmstephanie]

Does the student have email or a webcam or any other way of communicating directly with Bug? Maybe you could email him and tell him how much Bug misses him and he could send an email especially for him. He could include pictures of himself to remind Bug what he looks like and tell him that he misses him too and that hopefully someday he will see him again...until then though they could keep in touch via email or mail or phone...whatever works.

[tootsi20023]

Our foreign exchange student, Juan, just went back to Mexico. My daughter is 5 and each night before we go to bed we talk to Juan for 5-10 minutes using a webcam and say our goodnights. It is difficult and if I had to do it all over again, I probably would have waited until she was older. Although it was a wonderful experience. I was afraid it would bring up some abandonment issues but with the webcam it has helped and we plan to visit him in 6 months so she is looking forward to that. I realize that may not be possible for you since Japan is 1/2 a world away. I can only tell you our personal experience but I would recommend a webcam.

[connorsmommy1999]

We've had a LOT of exchange students and our youngest DS goes thru this same thing for a few months after they leave.

Things that help consist of creating/maintaining the 'connection'. Have bug make some pictures, let bug take some photos, make a care package etc. Doing a LOT of stuff like that for the next few weeks and then tapering off slowly will help. If you pick him up tomorrow and he cries about him then stop at the store and do a "let's shop for K's care package" day...then the next day when he's crying say, "when we get home let's sit together and make a picture for K"...or have a camera in the car and when you pick bug up tell him that you want to get a photo of him with your sister to send to K...and then let Bug take some photos.
the key here is to make SURE that bug knows/learns that leaving doesnt sever the connection and that when he feels sad he can DO something about it.

then send those things (I'm sure your sister can get his address) and when you mail it include a letter from you talking very frankly about how bug misses him and how hard it is....include postcards, paper and international postage stamps so that K can write back (for free).

ugh...it's so hard to see our kids hurting.

[amyfk]

My friend has an adopted toddler from Guatemala and she had an exchange student from Germany for the year who just returned home. Next year the boy is coming again for a week or two over the summer. You can perhaps set up a similar arrangement and tell your child so he/she can look forward to seeing the student again.
Amy K, NJ