[robandjulie]

With our case being out of PGN, we're really starting to get DD (age 3) ready for the idea of a little brother and sharing all the attention. She knows about him, knows his picture, prays for him every day, has talked with him often on video chat, but it's becoming a more concrete thing now. She's a very affectionate and bright girl with a lot of empathy and excellent language skills, so I thought we were doing well.

This weekend we're graduating her into a big girl bed (from toddler bed), moving some baby stuff out and putting in bookshelves etc. On Weds she helped me pick out her new bedspread and a "big sis" necklace and we talked all about the ups and downs of being a big sister, how things may change and what won't, what she'll be able to do to help mommy and "georgie" and the fun special things she and mom/dad will still do since she's such a big girl, etc.

So last night I was putting her to bed and she started in on "when georgie comes home, I'll ....(blah blah blah) ...and georgie will sleep in the green room in my old bed and georgie's mommy will sleep downstairs-" and so I cut her off and explained (again) that I will be his mommy. She looked at me funny and moved on. "...and georgie's daddy will-" No, your daddy will also be georgie's daddy.

Then she started sobbing and finally got out "but I want you to stay here with me!" I assured her we weren't going anywhere for long (just pickup) and that when we were all home together we'd be here together forever.

The thing is, she sees Jorge with his FF on our weekly video chats and so she KNOWS he has a different life and family right now. When she sees him/them and asks, we've always just said that's Jorge's other mommy b/c it seemed to much to explain it all. And so now I think she is struggling to understand that he'll be leaving that family but that our family is and will be forever and that no one is going to remove her from her mommy, etc.

Does anyone have any good books/videos/explanations in general that would be age appropriate? She seemed really distressed last night and was still extra clingy this morning, talking about not wanting me to leave. She never fusses when I leave for work and today she kept demanding that I confirm I would be home for dinner.

Thanks in advance!

[Devora]

Do you have Over the Moon by Karen Katz? The text isn't my favorite in a couple of spots, but it's decent. The pictures are colorful and it would help walk her through the process -- It starts with waiting for the phone call saying they can go get their baby, going to the airport and flying, meeting the baby, then coming back home. It includes a brief explanation about the family who took care of the baby and the fact that the baby has another mother (that's the part where I change the text to use language that I prefer).

It sounds like the coming back home may be a big part of her anxiety. The fact that the book shows the parents leaving and coming back might help.

Too, the fact that it shows the foster parents but it's clear that the adoptive parents are now the mom and dad might help.

[sfalone]

Hi Julie,

Don't have much advice as I am in the same boat with Marco. He'll be three in August. We have talked about Dulce here and there and he has seen her picture but since we are getting close to pick up I have been trying to really talk to him and explain but he doesn't seem to be getting it. I have also been getting alot of gifts for Dulce and he sees that. So today I went out and got him a bag of goodies. Just simple things. This weekend we will be working on Dulce's room and he's going to be asking alot of questions.

Stacy

[matthewsmom0505]

Oh Julie! How confusing for her. I'll admit, we didn't have any of those issues with DS before we brought DD home. However, we were taking him with us, so I don't think he ever questioned who would/wouldn't be coming back with us.

Can you take her along for p/u? I think it really made a huge difference for our son. It seemed like it all really clicked with him when we got there. If that's not an option, just give it time. Maybe structure your conversations with her more about how you will be getting used to having 2 kids to care for, etc., and you understand any concerns she might have.

That's not much help, but it will all play out just fine in time. She'll get it once the time comes.