[AnaM-H]

Woohoo's to all who have had good news! To those still waiting for their news, stay strong.

I've been reading the forum, just not replying or posting much. I usually will read the posts on my cell phone during the day and it is pain to post from the cell phone, so my intent is to post at night but the next thing I know it is 11pm. My DH has had a cold and fever for a few days, so all night duty has been mine. Won't you know it since it is my duty, Almari has woken up the past 4 nights crying. Plus he has three days of school this week and doesn't get home until after 9:30pm. The minute I walk in the door, our "manny" (my nephew) goes off duty and almost runs to his room when we places Alex in my arms. I have to say that at times, the whole 2 baby thing is quite easy and at other times I want to throw in the towel.

I am working very very very hard on not losing my patience with Ms. Alex. (failed a few times ) She is one spoiled rotten little girl. We had broken her of needing to be held 24/7 but since Almari got home, it has returned 1000 times stronger. My DH has the patience of a saint and on Sunday afternoon he lost it with her. Her screaming sets Almari off and then it is a mad house. Almari doesn't scream; it is more like a scared whine when Alex gets to her. It could even be a reaction to how everyone deals with Alex when she has been screaming for 30 minutes straight. PS NOT ONE TEAR IS EVER SHED and it stops instantly the minute you pick her up.

We think they are adjusting well but I really have no clue. How do you know? What signs should we look for?

[cbmstephanie]

I think you live in a fairly normal household!! If there is such a thing!!

I think Alex is just testing her boundries...she probably had done it when she was the only one home, but it was a little easier to deal with because she was the only one home. She's probably just doing it again, and plus this time there is a little jealousy and rivalry. Don't worry, they will be fine!!

And tell your Manny that after you walk in the door, he is not off work for 1/2 hour. You have to have time to put your purse down, go to the restroom and determine the mood of all involved!!

[AnaM-H]

Stephanie, he actually helps me more than my dh at times. He loves to do dishes, take out the trash and he is a clean freak. Most weekends he stays with us instead of escaping to his mom's or my other sister's house. If he doesn't go hang out with friends in the evenings, he spends a lot of time with me and the girls in the evening playing. Or the three adults play board games during and after dinner a few nights a week with the two girls watching from their high chairs. Plus since he moved in with us a year ago this Father's day he takes my car to be fueled and does a lot of my errands. He is the best!!! I come home for lunch to mke him lunch and give him a 30 minute break from the girls :-) and after 6pm he NEEDS to be off the "clock" after 10 hrs with my angels.

[cbmstephanie]

Oh, I'm sorry! It seemed like you were frustrated that he was off the clock when you walked in, but it seems to the contrary, that you understand that he needs to be off the clock when you walk in.

I do have to say that the going from one to two is a whole lot harder than I thought it was going to be. I'm not sure why, but I thought if I had one I could handle two no problem. Yeah...not so much...I am exhausted and the house is a mess and the laundry isn't done, etc. etc. etc,.

Everyone continues to tell me that it will get easier and I do believe that it will...the easier part just can't come soon enough.

We are working on Maria adjusting to Flora too. We're doing OK, except for the sharing of the toys, sippy cups, mama and anything else that Maria deems hers.

Again, everyone says it will get better, for all of us involved and for right now that's what I'm holding on to!!

[luv2teach2]

I know it is hard, but I would try to keep the yelling to a minimum as it is probably really scaring her and she is now fighting for atttention. I would try to spend some alone time with her each day so that she does not get jealous. If she continues to whine when yelled at or cry, it make backfire and may cause some attachment issues. Good Luck

[Alexismandyjr]

Ana, my dear dear friend, welcome to my world! Remember, I too work full time and have FOUR kiddos of all different ages to interact with. J.R. is A VERY VERY jealous little dude, Julian is demanding to the point where he bangs his head on the floor if not given the amount of attention he wants. The two girls are usually too busy fighting about who plays with the Nintendo DS or the PSP. Yeah, welcome to mommyhood. It's all about them and how you can learn to deal with each of them and meet their needs as best you can. It does get easier as they get older. Honestly, Alex is still a little baby, she is just getting adjusted to her new life with her new family and Almari is too. Just know that you are a great mom (I've seen you in action). Just remember that it's not going to be easy and there is no one answer or piece of advice that will make it better. Just try your best, give yourself a little time out when you feel overwhelmed, or, JUST CALL ME! LOL....

[Guatemom]

I'm there with ya'll, too. Connor had an EXTREMELY hard time when Cristian first came home. He's doing a lot better now, but there are still days when I think my bp is gonna shoot right out of my head! Connor has a way of finding one nerve and just JUMPING up & down on it! He is the whiniest one child I've ever seen, and I know it's all to make sure attn is redirected when he thinks it should be. It's even things like, "ohhh, my back. It hurts, rub my back"...and he'll slump over like an old man! He's Mr. Drama...
Thankfully no screaming, but geez, the WHINING and COMPLAINING he does...whew!

[Guatemom]

Sorry, you wanted "advice", too?
Wish I had some...I definitely thought like Steph did "ok, got having one down-pat, 2 should be a snap b/c I"ll know what to do all the time!"
Yeah, right...
All I can offer is that
1) yes it's normal
2) you're not alone!

[WVUMom418]

Ana, I know you wanted advice and I really don't have any. But I did want to know "can we clone your nephew"?

[jules17]

We most definitely have gone through this with both boys. In our case, initially it was Luke who would go NUTS if he wasn't held constantly. It might sound strange, but I explain everything to my children...whether they are old enough to understand or not. It helps them to "get it" and it helps me to stay calm.

So I would explain, "Luke, I understand you want to be held right now. Your brother Sam would like to be held too. Let's share and all have a good snuggle." (or something equally dorky) There would be times that they would even try to hit each other "off of" my lap. When that happened, I would have them both sit next to me (on opposite sides) and say, "When you can sit nicely, you can sit on my lap. For now, sit right next to me."

I think you are in the hardest phase right now. The first month or two with both boys home I did not have my RHYTHM. I have it now, and can manage both boys very well. That is not to say that there aren't crazy moments or days, but I feel so much more competent. Believe me, the first few months were pretty crazy for us. And then everybody accepted that nobody was going anywhere and started to calm down. I know without a doubt that if you are feeling overwhelmed or unsure, they feed off of that.

I know you are a great mom!! Oh, and I also try to remember that our children look to me/us for an "emotional gauge." So if I am getting upset, they get more upset. I try to counteract and for example, if they are screaming, I start whispering.

Hang in there, Ana!! You can also call me anytime.

[SKL]

As another mom with two little girls who came home at the same time, I sympathize with you. But hang in there - it does get better!

I wonder if your girls would both benefit if you got Almari involved in soothing Alex. When one of my girls is not happy, the other may react but it's usually out of sympathy. Little girls seem to have a natural desire to baby other wee ones or otherwise make them feel better.

It hasn't been long since your girls came home, so naturally you are thinking there may be some jealousy/insecurity behind this, but don't be afraid to get the girls involved with each other and ask each one to do nice things for the other. The attachment between the new siblings may actually grow more readily than that between each child and her parents - at least, that was the case with my older daughter.

Good luck!

[rapf777]

Hey Ana,
Just to let you know if you need me call me!!! I am here for ya.

Rose

[guatemama94]

We're right there with you too!!! We got our FD in November (under 2yrs. old) and our DD in Dec. (5 yrs. old). It has been very hard at times esp. with DS (13 yrs. but home at 6 yrs.). We are doing "ok"

My advice: Try to hang in there. Time has to pass.....This is still all so new for everyone! Make sure you all have a break and try to give them both their own individual attention each day.

Take care!!!

[SKL]

Also, have you tried something like a vibrating baby seat, swing, or the like to sit Alex in when holding her isn't an option?

My wee one was kinda sick during our visit trip and the only way she would let me put her down was if I put her in her vibrating bouncy seat. Granted, she was a lot younger than Alex then, but my 20-month-old still asks to sit in the same bouncy seat when she wants to be soothed. Just a thought for a mom with only two arms!

Good luck again!

[kathy0987654321]

We're about on the same time frame and I'm too busy to post here too....and I only have one! So I have no clue as to how you are doing it. But with my one that would previously NEVER let us set him down I've found that in the past week he's started to let us set him down. We THINK that it's mostly because we've been using a sling with him recently. But it could just be timing. A sling certainly quiets him down (it takes a few times for everyone to get used to it). And it would allow you to also tend to your other one.