[mommytoEli]

so eli is 2 1/2 now, and has been dx with sensory integration disorder. he does these things, and regardless of what they can be attributed to, they need to stop. i need some creative ideas, bc what i've done so far, isn't working. here are a few things i need some ideas for:


1. when we ride in the car, bc of the way the latch system is set up, and i have 2 in a car seat and 1 in a booster. eli must sit next to my 6 month old. he pulls his arm and ear until the baby cries, and then eli laughs. if we tell him no, he yells back, and will actually say things like, "i WILL pull his ear." i've actually had to pull the car over to the side of the road quite often in the last few days. short of buying a new car, what would you do?

2. when he gets mad, he threatens. the other day he was mad because he had to get a chest xray. i was trying to be all mothering, and he yelled, "i'm gonna pee on you." and he did. i was floored...especially bc he wears a diaper, so the logistics of this one is still beyond me. i didn't know 2 year olds could do stuff like this. now he says it about other things, "i'm going to hit you," and then he does. things make him angry that i can't understand....like he got one ice cube instead of the 2 he wanted when he got his own ice and water, now he's mad. "i'm gonna throw this water!" and then he does. he typically laughs after doing something like this. he throws alot of food, alot of toys....

3. if i tell him no, for any reason, he will yell back at me things like, "YES I WILL, YES I CAN."

4. when i put him in the corner, or put him in his bed, or correct him for anything not using the word no, he laughs. he gets the biggest smile on his face, and then laughs..

5. when he plays with children, he will, unprovoked, pick up toys and hit other children in the face and head with them, and then laugh. just for the record, this is not something he has even seen happen here.

6. he is very argumentative, in a way too logical way to be only 2. the dentist said to him today, "Eli, if you let me count your teeth, I will give you a sticker." and eli said, "you can not count my teeth, but you will give me a sticker." he talks like this alot. it kind of freaks me out.

**obviously, we have some issues here. i'm not the best parent, but i really have tried so much- removing him from the situation, rewarding him, talking to him, time in, time out, a 2nd nap, ignoring the behavior, blah blah blah...i guess i want to hear some really out of the box creative stuff that may have worked for you.

i'm getting more and more worried, especially now that he is also having sensory issues, and has tested positive for tb. i feel like he is having anxiety from so many new things he doesn't like and i just don't know how to calm him down....especially since he is not a cuddler and doesn't really like to be hugged. i feel awful for him, and i just want to help him feel ok AND not get in so much trouble, or think trouble is funny. help!

[angelkisses0102]

Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control. Read it, I wish I did a long time ago. Heather T. Forbes, LCSW

Also when some kids first start OT for sensory issues they get more dysregulated. Consistancy will help and preparing him for transitions...many sensory kids do not transition well in anything.

Hang in there...it is very tough...my guy had attachment disorder on top of sensory issues at that age...it was a living hell...now he is really a great and loving and compliant little boy!!

[LucyLuMyLuv]

Have you had him evaluated by a Developmental Pediatrician? My daughter was also a puzzle of different behaviors. I tried all sorts of suggestions until I finally took her to be evaluated. It opened a whole new world for us! We also use 1 - 2 - 3 Magic, which the doctor recommends. It does work.

[CurlysGirly]

Brook, I have a lot of friends that work with a child psychologist when it comes to behaviors like that. When the behaviors are more than I can tolerate that is where we turn. I wished that you lived in Ohio because we have some great ones here.

[annaguat]

Originally Posted by mommytoEli

so eli is 2 1/2 now, and has been dx with sensory integration disorder. he does these things, and regardless of what they can be attributed to, they need to stop. i need some creative ideas, bc what i've done so far, isn't working. here are a few things i need some ideas for:


1. when we ride in the car, bc of the way the latch system is set up, and i have 2 in a car seat and 1 in a booster. eli must sit next to my 6 month old. he pulls his arm and ear until the baby cries, and then eli laughs. if we tell him no, he yells back, and will actually say things like, "i WILL pull his ear." i've actually had to pull the car over to the side of the road quite often in the last few days. short of buying a new car, what would you do?

A. Put the car seat in a spot that does not have latch but put it on the lap or lap shoulder belt. If you can not use that seat in that position because lack of tether I would get another seat like the Graco Nautilus. I hear your pain. My SID kid is an adult now but it is challenging for everyone including the sibs. You do need to protect your other children from agressive or abusive behavior.

2. when he gets mad, he threatens. the other day he was mad because he had to get a chest xray. i was trying to be all mothering, and he yelled, "i'm gonna pee on you." and he did. i was floored...especially bc he wears a diaper, so the logistics of this one is still beyond me. i didn't know 2 year olds could do stuff like this. now he says it about other things, "i'm going to hit you," and then he does. things make him angry that i can't understand....like he got one ice cube instead of the 2 he wanted when he got his own ice and water, now he's mad. "i'm gonna throw this water!" and then he does. he typically laughs after doing something like this. he throws alot of food, alot of toys....

B.Try to reward positive behavior and do not reward negative behavior with attention even if it is negative like consequences. Lay on the rewards for postitive behavior ease up on the consequences for negative behavior or attention for negative behavior. Also my children responded well to physically reinacting desirable behavior. Basically goign through the scenary but then learning to make a different choice that is acceptable or desirable.

3. if i tell him no, for any reason, he will yell back at me things like, "YES I WILL, YES I CAN."

C.Time out in bedroom till he feels better and will appologize. Stay calm and do not reward him by getting upset or negative attention.


4. when i put him in the corner, or put him in his bed, or correct him for anything not using the word no, he laughs. he gets the biggest smile on his face, and then laughs..

D.Leave him till he is able to have acceptable behavior and appologize. With a small child you will need to time it and ofcourse can't leave him for more then minutes.

5. when he plays with children, he will, unprovoked, pick up toys and hit other children in the face and head with them, and then laugh. just for the record, this is not something he has even seen happen here.

E.Yup boy does that bring back bad memories. This type of behavior was actually the hardest for me as I also had other children. I would take DS away from the children he was playing with. He would stay with me or DH and color books or help us because children that can not play nice can not play with others till they play nice. Also reward, by mega positive praise, when he does show desirable behavior. Spend time being there and showing how to play with others in an appropriate manner. Also in fairness to other children, sibs and regular friends, I would hold DS with me or DH longer at times so they could have a more normal playtime.

6. he is very argumentative, in a way too logical way to be only 2. the dentist said to him today, "Eli, if you let me count your teeth, I will give you a sticker." and eli said, "you can not count my teeth, but you will give me a sticker." he talks like this alot. it kind of freaks me out.

**obviously, we have some issues here. i'm not the best parent, but i really have tried so much- removing him from the situation, rewarding him, talking to him, time in, time out, a 2nd nap, ignoring the behavior, blah blah blah...i guess i want to hear some really out of the box creative stuff that may have worked for you.

*Well you know this is not something that will go away. It might feel like you are not getting anywhere but just think if you did not do anything at all. It is a long road but over time, weeks, months, years there should be improvement. One thing I did not do enough or better said two is take time away from my child with or have him in a structured setting away from the whole family. I did not fully acknowledge /realize what a strain raising a child with issues like that cause on marriage and the other children in the family.

i'm getting more and more worried, especially now that he is also having sensory issues, and has tested positive for tb. i feel like he is having anxiety from so many new things he doesn't like and i just don't know how to calm him down....especially since he is not a cuddler and doesn't really like to be hugged. i feel awful for him, and i just want to help him feel ok AND not get in so much trouble, or think trouble is funny. help!

*Remember you did not cause this and you can not love it out of him. You are doing what you can do. Educate yourself and try what works for your family. Don't forget you are human and so are the other members in the family.

Hugs, Anna

[meg1]

While it does not address the issues directly - I found the book "the Secret of Parenting" gave some good prespective in an easy to read format.
I am trained to work with kids (and give advice) but your own child has certain behaviors and the book helps put those (as well as your own) in prespective. One thing I have really used is the recommendation to disengage from the discussion once I have said 'no' to something. It takes alot for me to stop reacting but for my son that bothers him more then being told no.

[mommytoEli]

wow...that is alot of stuff. thanks friends for the advice! it is interesting you say that angelkisses, bc i notice it has gotten worse since we started ot,pt ...the other things he has had to go through don't help either.

[Theslaws]

I like the Love and Logic programs. They offer courses all over the country as well as selling books, DVD's and CD's. Its all about logical consquences etc.

Good luck!

[carolynpep73]

I'm also a supporter of Love and Logic. Great program! I just heard about 1-2-3 magic and I want to look into that more. Good luck! I don't doubt that you're doing everything as right as you possibly can...((hugs))

[dylav]

My son is 26 months and we adopted him from Guatemala at 9 months. He is speech delayed and tested postive for TB. He took the liquid meds (by the way) for nine months and he was fine with it.

1. I see that he too has very agressive tendencies and I am at my wits end with his behavior. He cannot talk in full sentences but he can sure scream no very loud and agressively.

2. He leaves a trail of destruction behind him wherever we go and I hate leaving the house with him because he is constantly grabbing something and throwing it or destroying something. (He has been like this since he could walk at 14 months old)...He becomes frenzied whenever we are in a new place and cannot seem to keep his hands to himself. However if we are at mommy and me he can sit and follow directions perfectly, like an angel. He can also sit and watch Noggin. Sit when we play with puzzles or other toys.


3. If I ask him to give me something he throws it in the opposite direction. I have tried being firm, I have tried time outs, I have tried talking to him about it. Nothing works....

4. He has just started a new trend of screaming at the top of his lungs when we put him in his crib for bed or naps. He seems extremely angry and agitated.

5. The good news is he has just recently started playing nicely with other children. Up until about three months ago, he would hit and hurt as much as possible.

I have taken my son to an International Pediatrician, standard pediatrician, neurologist and a developmental pediatrician; no one seems to be able to help me work out his anger issues.

We have never hit him or shown agressive behavior. I don't know if I am helping him overcome these issues or not.

I could use some advice as well as some information about the sensory disorder.

[dovelu]

OKay, just a long shot here. I have no qualifications at all, just being a mom of 3 .

My ds (11) just started something with the babies that he saw on Nanny 911. He gives them a token to put in a bottle for doing something good. The babies (2 & 1) are totally into it! Now I know that this idea only focuses on positive behaviors but I can't believe how much it's forced me to notice the positive. DS set up a little store for the girls to cash in their tokens. I never would have thought it would work with kids this young but they are so into their "tokens" .

Peace & blessings to your family,
amy

[guatemama94]

Hi!!

Things have been rough over here too!! Just starting to get better (I think )....

I've been doing a lot of reading. I have agree that Love and Logic is a great suggestion. It's about handing the problem back to the child and natural consequences. Good stuff!!

Also, I saw another poster mention the "re-do". For example....child talks back or child hits another child etc. Make them re-do the scenario in the same physical location shortly after the transgression occured...although this time they will do it the *right* way. (i.e. answering correctly/politely or sharing). Sometimes the child needs to cool down for bit before they are ready to do a "re-do". Anyway, I read that has to do with "muscle memory" and the brain remembers the good behavior because it is more recent and it in a sense erases the bad behavior....BTW, at first this went kinda weird and now DD is OFFERING to do a redo!!! How funny!

About the talking back and threats....handle them no matter where you are and try to remain calm. We had some major talking back going on and I had to stand in the middle of McDonalds play area as two Latinas GLARED at me and tell my DD (who is very Mayan looking) that she couldn't answer me that way. I explained that I would wait there with her until she was able to appologize and look me in the eye as she did it. Well, she laughed, she said sorry laughing as she looked out in the air above me, she said sorry again not looking at me...etc. I just stood my ground and said I'm not floating in the air up there. I'm right here. She cried, she whined, etc. etc. FINALLY she got it...I wasn't kidding and she truly told me that she was sorry!

Oh, BTW, my DS noticed the GLARING latinas too (ha, ha!!!)...He said, "mum, did you see those two hispanic ladies looking at us the whole time?"

Hope this helps a little!!! Hang in there girl!!!

[mommytoEli]

dylav- sorry you are dealing with so many of the same issues....here is a thread where we have been discussing some sensory issues : sensory integration disorder support club :)

i love the idea of tokensin a jar. i kept thinking how i could work a positive chart somehow, but being that he is 2, it is not like i can reward him for being good all day...and i really don't feel like an hourly chart.lol....but the token thing is awesome, like maybe let him put one in when i see that he handled a situation well or if he is able to recover from a situation well ?? how big of a jar and what kind of a reward would you give a 2 year old???

[dovelu]

Glad you like the token idea! Really, ds & super-nanny deserve the real credit .

We use a baby bottle, but if that has weird connotations for Eli (my kids have been off bottles for a long time) you could use anything!

For prizes, we have bubbles, chapstick, a picture of nail polish (so that I paint their toes) & a few McDonalds/ BK happy meal prizes. My son really set up the whole thing. He even has denoted many tokens each prize is worth.

We give tokens for manners (behaving at a wake we went to), cleaning up toys, sharing, etc. We try to "catch" them being good.

I only use it positively, but ds & super-nanny also took tokens away for bad behavior. DS (11) babysits sometimes (when I am in the shower, folding laundry, i.e. in another part of the house) and it helps him to discipline in a fun way. And he loves taking them to his prize table in the basement and picking out a prize.

Did I remember that you have "big" kids too? Maybe they could help "catch" Eli doing something good & reward tokens? Just another thought.

Anyhow, again, I have no real qualifications & know nothing about s.i.d., but this is working well for my cute but high energy toddlers .

Peace,
amy

[Devora]

i really have tried so much- removing him from the situation, rewarding him, talking to him, time in, time out, a 2nd nap, ignoring the behavior, blah blah blah

Perhaps you're trying too many different things. What has worked? at all? even a few times? or at least halfway works? Whatever seems to have been the best strategy, do it (and only it) 100% of the time. Some of it sounds like testing limits (which is normal and he just may be at the far end of the spectrum of normal limit testing). He needs to know, every time, that the consequence will be the same. Otherwise it's almost a game -- what's mom going to do *this* time? what's she going to do if I do X? what if I do Y? what if I do Y three times in a row?

While all kids do better with consistency, some are more sensitive to the inconsistencies than others.