[mommytoEli]

Need advice. I'm furious. My selfish, shameless SIL has told us that she can't come visit to see our DS (home from GT in March!) We have gone out to see her (she's a few state's away) like 4 times in the past two years. She told us that they were too busy, cuz the kids have swimming lessons and camp and they are going on their own vacation. And of course, she can't call to tell us this, she sends a crappy email. I'd really like to type an email to tell her off. My dh feelings are really hurt. I really can't stand her in the first place but deal with her because of him.
I need advice Quick before I freak out and tell her exactly what I think of her... via email.

[mommytoEli]

what i have to say may not be popular, but if i were in your shoes, i'd let it go.....but i'd also not visit. i'd just say that i understood things were hectic, and maybe we could schedule in a visit another time. i think if it were really important for her to meet him, she'd have come already. there is no reason to trek across so many states for her to meet someone she doesn't want to meet. i'd stay home and enjoy my family. but that is just me.

[becky_flo]

That really sucks! My own father hasn't made time come meet his grandson who has been home since January so I kind of know how you feel. I agree with Mommy to Eli, you have to let it go other wise it's going to eat you up. It's her loss. I have a no forgivness policy when it comes to my son. There are a couple of extended family members that won't have the joy of meeting my son and being a part of his life because they are ignorant and I don't want him near it. Sorry about you SIL, it does hurt.

[DPline]

Exactly what MommytoEli said.

I'm sorry! It stinks to deal with family members like that.

[dana3262]

Honestly, I would say something ASAP, but I would take the high road in doing so. Something along the lines of "We are very hurt that you haven't taken the time, etc." (A little Jewish guilt) goes a long way...... Good luck!

[loveajax]

My DD was born in May and my sister did not get home to see her until she was like 3 months old (sis was home for her annual visit anyway).

I am sorry you are dealing with this, and I know it hurts. But I also say IGNORE (and don't visit her again either until she comes to you).

[Michelle Smiles]

If it were me (and I am known for getting myself in trouble with my mouth), I would let my husband respond since it is his sister. We have a rule of mostly letting the other deal with their own family stuff. I wouldn't make any effort to go and visit her again if she isn't reciprocating but I wouldn't turn it into a family war.

Sorry - it is so hurtful when family acts that way.

[LadyTink]

My daughter has been home almost 2 1/2 years and my husband's brothers and their wives have never come to see her. The only times they've seen her are when we go there. It really makes me mad, but I just let it go and know that its there loss.

[guatparents2be]

i'm with michelle. if it were me it would be up to my husband to handle...
so sorry, it's clearly hurtful to you and that just stinks.

[beverlyanderic]

this is my opinion of course- it all depends on your and your husbands relationship with his sister. of course there are situations where family isn't worth it; however, i never like to see family discord and would call her (either you or your husband) and talk about it. just because she sent you an e-mail and you didn't like it, doesn't mean you have to send a hurtful e-mail back.

it's sometimes easier said than done, but 2 wrongs don't make a right and if it's important for you to have her in your and your family's life, i think you (or your husband) should call her and talk it out.

good luck and keep us updated.
eric

[humanpitchpipe]

I would let your DH handle it. Is he even aware of the problem? My DH's aunt has not acknowledged our adoption and DS has been home for almost 10 months. However, when his sister (my SIL) became pregnant, telling the aunt was such a big deal because the aunt was going to be so excited. I wanted to tell SIL that it wouldn't be a huge deal to the aunt because she hadn't acknowledged my son, but I politely held my tongue. I keep my feelings about the in-laws to myself most of the time - they all talk behind each others backs. It is disgusting. But I digress...vent away here though because we all understand.

[busterleroy]

Ugh. I am so sorry, what a damper on this precious time. Sounds cliche', but it truly is her loss.

As tempting as it is to tell her off, I don't think you will ever regret taking the high road. Maybe you could just write a nice e-mail, saying that it is great that they have so many fun things planned this summer, and say they are always welcome to visit if they decide they are up for another adventure.

I really don't know how anyone could respond to that rudely, and then the ball is clearly in their court.

Again, I am sorry that you have to deal with this. And congrats on your little man being home!!

[guatemama94]

Sometimes people's actions speak louder than words. I'm so sorry that things have turned out this way. It DOES hurt when family members act that way!!!

I would have to say to let it go as well. As much as it would be great to blow out steam and say exactly what you think, that will only make things worse and make you the "bad guy".

Good luck!!!

[Leebert2]

I agree about letting your husband deal with it since it is his sister. Hopefully, he feels like he can be honest with her about his hurt feelings. It is absolutely insensitive of her to be like this and she should know it. I definitely wouldn't go visit her until she steps up.

[gwenrenee007]

I've learned from a lot of experience that it isn't worth it, it's not worth getting upset about, thinking about it, or even talking about it, because she (SIL) isn't worth it.

I would let it go, leave the ball in her court and not make any effort to go and see her.

Both sides of our family have made little or no effort to see Mia and many have only met her and not spent any time with her and she has been home a year. For quite a while I let it eat me up and obseessed about it all the time. How could they not want to spend time with her? How could they not want to know her? so on and so on.... then one day it hit me, it is something they are missing out on, not us. All we can do is love her and hope others love her as much as we do and if they don't then it is totally their loss. They get to miss out on wonderful she is. I try to not let it bother me, but sometimes it still does.

Many ((((hugs)))) to you and your hubby it is hard and your SIL should be ashamed of herself.