[2Russians1Guat]

We have had our 2-1/2 year old home for 9 months. We didn't have more than a month of attachment problems when we got her. They are back! We switched to a toddler bed, around the time they re-appeared. We are back to screaming if someone leaves the room. Is this normal? How can I get her back to where we were? THANKS!

[SilverWitch]

All adopted children have abandonment issues and often have RAD issues. This is normal - Patience is the best thing and working through it.

[JustBarbara]

I would like to respectfully disagree on the statement that 'all adopted children have abandonment issues' - sure a lot of these children do, especially if they are older but I know of several Achildren who came home at 3 or 5 or more months who did not have abandonment issues. Fortunately, DS has not had any abandonment issues so I am only stating from personal experience.

[havensd]

I also have to disagree with the statement that all adopted children have abandonment issues and/or RAD issues. Our daughter came home before she was 5 months old and had a very easy adjustment into our home. Furthermore, our son came home before he was 9 months old and has had very few issues with settling into his new environment.

[GDSinPA]

Yah, that does seem like a broad statement about abandonment issues.

I will suggest however that abandonment problems are not necessarily related to attachment problems. Kids adopted at birth who only know attachment to their aparents can develop a fear of abandonment later in life.

While often linked, these are also often two totally different problems requiring different approaches. If you worked on and continue to practice attachment techniques, then continue. Are you seeing other attachment problem signs - or mainly this screaming when left alone?

2.5 would be an typical age where fear of abandonment might foster itself. Both you and he are experimenting with true independence and it might be freaking him out a bit. He's becoming very self-aware and his confidence is more or less tied to your presence right now. My suggestion would be to go overboard in reassuring him that you're not going to abandon him. Play some games where he's intentionally out of your sight, like hide and seek and chase. Do some kindof chore that might require you to move repeated in and out of the room would help as well.

Be careful NOT to leave him alone for extended periods of time - it's actually a good sign that he's willing to express this fear. Don't assume he'll struggle through this and tuffen up so to speak. Now you can help him work through it rather than him simply accepting his fate and living without accepting this fear.

I've got some more personal experience with this in my family - PM me if you want specifics.

Blessings,
-Greg

[DDAmasa]

Most adopted children don't have any attachment problems. Some do. Only a small percentage have RAD. But you haven't given much information about why you think you are having attachment problems. Many toddlers go through repeated stages of separation anxiety, having fits when mom or dad or grandma or the dog leaves their sight. They also have tantrums over the smallest things not going their way. This is very normal. But if there is a problem with how he relates to you (or doesn't relate to you), then it could be attachment related.