[Luvhannah]

I am looking for some advice on how to best get my 14 month old sleeping through the night. I am so worried about attachment disorders and needed your help since you are adoptive parents too. She still gets up 4 and 5 times a night just to rock for 15-20 minutes and be put back down. We have been home 2 months so what can I do to help her. I have to lay her down several times before she is good and asleep for nap and at night. Thanks for your help. I think she still wants to know I am here is why this happens.

[pjeaton]

We had the same issue for the first 6 weeks we were home. We were also battling ear infections which didn't help. We finally let her cry it out one night and she's been doing great ever since. We rarely get up at night anymore unless her teeth or ears are bothering her. I would say just keep doing what you are doing and it should get better. Use your judgement on the "cry it out" method - it doesn't always work.

Hang in there.
Patty

[cantwait2bmommy]

I am by no means a sleep expert, but I can tell you that I too was really worried about attachment problems. I went to my daughter with a bottle everytime she cried in the night until she self-weaned at 9.5 months (she now sleeps from 7-7 every night without waking at 10.5 months); however, when I went to her I did not take her out of her crib nor make eye contact with her. I did not interact with her except to give her the bottle and we both went back to sleep typically within 10 minutes.

If you rock and interact with your child at night it encourages them to wake up for your attention. Just going to her without interaction will still reassure her that you are there, but not encourage her to wake up to interact with you.

I did not feel comfortable letting dd CIO until I believed she was attached to me, so I would say it depends on how long your child has been home and how comfortable you feel with their level of attachment, but maybe try less interaction at night. Also, and you have probably heard this before, the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" helped me a lot. Feel free to pm me if you want more info.

Good luck!
Chris

[Shannavi]

What is her nap schedule during the day? We had to change DS because he was doing the same thing. He takes one short late morning nap and a 2 hour nap in the afternoon. He sleeps through the night now.
We did have to let him cry it out a couple of times. Yes, it killed us because we wanted to go in and hold him.
Good luck!!

[debhorner04]

We've been home 2 weeks, and now Marissa sleeps 9-11 hours each night. (she is 9.5 months old) Last week I posted about her screaming for 3 hours straight---not crying, but screaming. I then talked to the pediatrician and the International Adoption pediatrician. They both agreed that she should be in the crib. Marissa only screamed that one night---over the course of the two weeks, her crying has diminished from 15 minutes to sometime none! We have a nighttime routine----bath, a dimly lit room with books, a gum massage (she is teething), a bottle and bed. The drs. said she should go to bed awake---so she learns to put herself asleep---there are nights I rock her, but other nights she cries for a few minutes and settles herself down. A consistent routine without giving any attention (no talking or playing) is recommended. Also, we were told to have both, mommy and daddy do the bedtime routine so she gets used to both of us doing it. Naptime is more tears, but most times less than 5 minutes of crying---we get 2 good naps a day. The rest of the time is a lot of tummy time and play----building up the gross motor skills that are delayed due to no floor time in Guat. Having your child cry it out is difficult, but honestly, after the one night of 3 hours, it got MUCH better! We are able to get a good night's rest and enjoy her more during the day! We play a cd with instrumental lullabies that also help. Whatever you choose, it has to be right for you. Just be consistent and know it will get better. Good luck!

[Suzeb1]

I found the book The No-Cry Sleep Solution to be wonderful. I firmly remain in the non-CIO camp (with respect to those who disagree) because I would never leave my child alone and crying during the daytime...so I wasn't able to do it at night. I liked the book because it acknowledges that parents DO need to sleep, and children need their sleep as well, but it was consistent with the rest of my parenting.

Dr. Sears has also written wonderful books on parenting that are very attachment-oriented. He might be another good resource. I just tried to remember during my daughter's first months home that if she was a newborn I would be up every couple of hours so that's simply an (admittedly difficult) part of parenting.

The best of luck to you!

Susan
single mommy to a three year old who, although she sleeps all night, needs very little sleep and has almost turned her mommy into a morning person. Almost.

[ocracoke]

If you find a magical formula then let me know. My daughter is 3.5 years old and has been home since she was 21 months -- so she has been home just under 2 years. She needs very little sleep, or so it appears. If I put her to bed awake -- as is suggested by the experts -- she will be up for 3-4 hours in her room playing. I resorted to the "cry it out" one night. She cried (screamed) for 4 hours before I gave in. I rock her to sleep at bed time (she will go to bed on her own for nap) then put her down in her bed. She gets up normally 4-5 times between bed (usually around 8:30) and me going to bed (usually aroung 11). She crawls in bed with me between midnight and 1 am and then sleeps soundly for the rest of the night. I have tried not letting her in my bed but she will cry the rest of the night. I have tried removing her naps but it is mandatory at her daycare center. I have tried rewards -- no real interest. She sleeps best when she can reach out in her sleep and feel me breathing (which may be a result of watching her bio mom die). I have learned that maybe I can survive on less sleep for a while. And I take comfort in the fact that eventually (although she may be 16 when it happens) she will want to sleep by herself and not with me.

Samantha

[joyloo]

I also recommend the No- Cry Sleep Solution. Does she get a lot of exercise during the day? Sometimes they will sleep better after a good active day. Also does she have some kind of comfort item in her crib like a favorite stuffed animal? I know that when DS wakes in the middle of the night the first thing he looks for is his pooh bear, then he snuggles it and goes right back to sleep. It sounds like your daughter is using you as her comfort item... good for bonding but maybe not so good in the long run if you are both tired & cranky the next day from not getting enough sleep.

Joy

[JillnChris]

We tried a lot of different things when dd got home. She finally settled into having a pacifier, a night light, and some soft music. She does not need the music anymore but sleeps fine. It is very rare for her to wake up in the middle of the night, but if she does I wait a minute first (she usually falls right back asleep) if she doesn't then I go in lay her back down and tell her "mommy loves you, but it is time to go night night", then I leave the room. If she continues to cry I wait another 2 minutes then go back in lay her back down and pat her back or rub her legs until she falls back to sleep. The key here is not to talk or take her out of her crib.
DD has been home for 6 months so I am comfortable letting her cry for a couple of minutes but you might not want to do that just yet. I think it is just a matter of trying some different things out and seeing what works for her!

[arthymom]

Our dd has been home now for almost 1 year (whew! I can't believe I can say that...)

She did NOT sleep through the night for 6 months straight, with many night wakenings at first to now gradually none.

We always went in to check on her but would then pat her back, resettle her, and walk out. At first it involved CIO for us, but cosleeping wasn't a good option for us. Eventually, our dd learned that she could get our attention to pat her back but then we'd always go out. The exception was when she had fevers and infections, then we coslept.

I think that some toddlers are just plain night wakers and that being home w/ a new family has got to add to add night anxiety for some of our kids. I'm convinced that is what it was for our dd.

[sferrick]

Pretty sure you are Amy. We just got home with our daughter from HH and she too is being difficult about sleeping, but at nap times not bed time. She sleeps through the night, she might wake once and cry for 30-60 seconds and then falls back asleep, but she will not nap for more than 1 hour! Its so frustrating. I really dont think you are experiencing attachment disorder. Is she looking you in the eye's, snuggling with you, smiling at you? If so, then its not attachement disorder. But she may still be adjusting. Many times as adopted parents, we tend to over compensate for our adopted children thinking they need more...the end result is they forget the coping mechanisms they learned at the orphanage in regards to comforting themselves and they need these. All children need to learn how to comfort themselves. Take a big breath, and know you are a GREAT Mom. Take all the advise you see and do what works best for you. I let DD cry in stages, then I go in and tap her butt and then walk out again. I never pick her up and hold her, but I always let her know that i am there and that she is fine. If you pick her up, than that's what she is going to expect and she will use that to comfort her self and you will never get sleep and will not be good for your DD or for anyone else. God speed, Susie

[Tamiswaiting]

I had the worst trouble with Kevin sleeping through the night for the first 5 months he was home. He shares my bedroom and I believe that actually added to the problem for a period of time (I'll explain why I say that a bit later). In the beginning, he woke up every 3 hours according to the schedule the FM had him on because he wanted to have his formula. I gave him his bottle right in the crib and he'd go right back to sleep. We were both barely awake.

After a couple months of this, he started waking up for comfort. There was a definite difference in his cries and the bottle didn't soothe him anymore. I was at the end of my rope and brought him into bed with me in desperation. It worked and he would fall asleep on my chest. Most nights he'd start squirming around after a couple of hours because he'd get too hot (he was never one of those babies that needed bundled up) and I'd get up and put him back in his crib. We'd be good to go for the rest of the night.

Oddly enough, when we were on vacation at Disney in January, I came to realize that him being in my room may have made the problem last longer than it would have. We had rented a house and, for the first time, he had is own room. I was amazed to find him sleeping through the night! Apparently, I'm waking him during the night by sleeping in the same room. Because of space reasons he is still in my room, but I've been on the couch. I'm currently working out the potential of putting a wall up on my room so I can go back to my own bed...

Sorry to babble so much...

[DDAmasa]

I used a modified CIO starting with letting him cry for only a minute before going in and patting his back (never picking him up out of the crib) and gradually increasing the time before I went in over the next week. He now sleeps throught the night almost every night and on those occasions when he wakes, all I have to do is go in, pat his back for a minute and he's back asleep. It's hard to let your baby cry, but long term, it teaches them to fall back to sleep on their own, an important step for them. Kids go through these stages on and off for the first few years, it's normal. Don't see attachment problems everywhere, it will just make everyone, including your child, unduly stressed over normal development stages. Good luck.

[JillnChris]

I just wanted to add that I think there is a BIG difference between letting your baby cry for a minute or two so that they can learn how to fall asleep on there own and letting them cry for hours.
Best of luck! Let us know how it goes!

[mommytoEli]

aiden has only been home about 3 weeks, he is 6 months old..so i know this is totally different. but his first week here, he was up TOO often....at least 5 times a night. i had to rock him, feed him, and pat him to get him back to sleep. nap time was similar...if it happend at all. dh and i agreed no cio (one doctor suggested this to us) bc he is so little and this is all new for him...so we just pushed through. well, last week this tired mommy took him to a new doctor and he was diagnosed with reflux and put on meds. that night, he got up ONCE, i patted his butt, and he went back to sleep. for the last week, he gets up once or twice, i pat him for 60 seconds, and he is OUT! i know it is bc the meds help! nap still isn't stellar, but at least it is happening. anyway, my point is, talk to your doctor about it too...sometimes kids with reflux or enlarged tonsills wake up alot in the night. it may have nothing to do with attachment. just a thought.