[lyssie]

I am just wondering if you had the chance and could ask anything what would it be?

The facilitator and then facilitator/translator on our visit trip emailed and told us that our dd's birth mother was requesting photos. I sent a couple with a letter and asked if I could get a little more info abt. our dd first 3 years in Guatemala. At first there was no response but, after writingn again to double check that the letter & photos were received and helpful, I repeated the request. The facilitator who has contact with our Birth mom agreed to give more info and asked me to send over a list.

Okay...so, that was a day or two ago....I am kind of intimidated by it...WHAT exactly do I want to know???? also, I don't really know that I will get a response and don't want to ask too much for fear of going overboard and then discouraging th whole thing. I do want to know more about the pregnancy and birth. What their favorite things to do together.

Any way I welcome any suggestions you have....Thanks!

[robandjulie]

I think I'd ask for milestones: age at crawling, walking, words, etc. Not sure how precise she could be, but that would be nice to know and I think ok for the first round of questions.

Eventually, I'd really want to know any medical history that they can share about the birthparents. I can't imagine facing a lifetime of "do you have a history of...?" with a complete unknown so I'd really want to be able to provide that for my child.

And any stories or favorite memories about their time together so you can save them and share with your daughter in case you lose contact and she can't hear them from her birthmother another time.

Good luck drafting a reasonable list. This is a wonderful opportunity but I'd be so nervous about how to go about it, too!

[SKL]

I think I might ask things like:

- What kind of information would you like to receive about DD over time?

- Would you like to meet DD when she is older?

- Certain specific memories such as birth and other special moments prior to relinquishment

- Would you like to send a message for DD for when she is older?

- What was your childhood like?

- What is your job and some info about your current life? (To share with DD later)

- What family members do you live with / near? What do they do?

- Would you like to give DD some information about her father (for later)?

- What are your hopes for DD?

Good luck - I can see how this would be an intimidating opportunity!

[Slatond10]

I think you have gotten excellent questions already and I know this is a scary task as I located birthmother and have written her letters to be translated via a searcher. Like you I have not wanted to overwhelm her and jeopardize the relationship and future contact so have only ask a few of the questions above.

I try to envision how I would feel if someone was asking me this question and I was in her shoes. And I also take into consideration that we share a special child. Every letter and word I write I want to be out of love and respect for the birthmother and "our" child.

To help put myself in the birthmother's shoes there was a wonderful letter written by Pedid on another forum ( Tristin's birthmother) and then a letter he wrote about the experience of meeting his birthfamily @ 9 yr's old) Pedid had an excellent way of expressing her fears, questions and concerns and providing information for her son in the future.
You might be able to search the archives and locate the letter? Adopting from Guatemala, Guatemala Adoption Blog I believe this is the blog that it was on!

Good luck

[One_Happy_Momma]

Good questions so far!

I would also ask if she were willing to send photos of herself or family members for your daughter's bio-family tree.

Whenever I go to for an exam, I'm always asked if there's a family history of diabetes or cancer, so I would ask for that.

[jimanddarla]

I would try to stay away from such open-ended questions like "what is the your family's medical history" and try to be more precise, like "Does your family have a history of heart disease, diabetes, etc..." A broad, general question might require a lengthy response and still not get you the informaiton you need.

Congratulations on having this chance!

Jim

[annaguat]

I know medical info would be wonderful but in Pacific Island adoptions biofamilies would feel very uncomfortable being asked such questions and disclosing that information. Not untill yrs later did our children's bio families disclose this info to us. I know of one case the biofamily (Pacific islander) broke off contact because the adoptive family wanted to know if there was diabetes. Anna

[lyssie]

Thanks for the insight and suggestions! I am still working on a list...but, it sounds like I might need to stick to some favorite memories of she shares with dd and info abt dd in specific, her pregnancy and birth/developmental history...

[KJones5]

Oh how lucky for E that you have this opportunity!

I think I would ask "What would you like E to know about her time in Guatemala and you."

Good luck. I hope you get some insightful info!