[Parisnroc]

We just brought our 11 month old daughter home a week ago and she is extremely physically delayed. She is 14 lbs and the size of a 4 1/2 month old. She doesn't sit up, crawl or even eat baby from from a spoon (she doesn't know how). We have taken her to our pediatrician and a neurologist. The neurologist said she will need therapy and beleives her delays are caused by lack of stimulation and neglect. I thought I was paying for Foster care so she wouldn't be neglected. Does that mean I get my money back!

None-the-less, I was wondering if anyone has experienced such severe delays with their child and how has he/she improved and through what methods?

Thanks

[sld]

We brought our 17 month old home in January and he couldnt stand on his own or walk and sure enough, 1 month later he walked.. Do you have a birth through three organization in your state? They provide wonderful services!!! Good luck and with a lot of love, patience and experience, she will grow!

[JoshGuat]

Sorry to hear, The good thing about the word delay is that they are usually just delays. I hope that your little one will get the therapy needed to catch up. My son seems to be physically delayed too, and I had a hunch that was the same reason. Thanks for posting and I hope that your little one will catch up soon

[asauer]

Hi! We brought our kids home in Feb at 13 mos. DD is fine, but DS has some severe delays w/ motor skills (couldn't even crawl). I'd recommend contacting your Early Intervention office (usually through your state's department of health and human services). In most states, including ours, they'll come out to your home and do an evaluation then make recommendations for therapy. DS needs developmental and physical therapy. The good thing is that they're subsidized programs so we only have to pay part of the PT and the DT is free- plus the therapists will come to my house or to DS's daycare! I've been very please with this program so far.

But- before you judge the foster parents too harshly remember that they have a completely different standard of care. For example, kids aren't put on the floor to crawl/walk until they're about 12mos b/c the floors are usually concrete, dirt or other hard (not too clean) surfaces. Plus, in many latino cultures the belief is that you must hold/carry your baby everywhere for the first year to 18mos. I don't think all of the delays have to do w/ neglect but just a cultural difference.

[mommysoon]

We brought DD home at 14-1/2 mo in April. She couldn't hold her own bottle, use a sippy cup, eat from a spoon or crawl.

When we had the pictures developed from the cameras we left down there for her time with FF we noticed she was often in one of those walker things (as opposed to the play circles). Anyway, the FM told me her favorite toy was her walker.

Since she couldn't crawl (or even make the "table top" position) I was a little concerned and did some ready and, apparently, a walker is bad for development.

We used bottles for the first week or so that we were home for night time and morning (to make sure DD didn't get dehydrated) and offered sippy during the day. Also, I just made very liquidy baby food and put on spoon and basically poured into her mouth for the first few days.

Now DD has the swing of things, she can pick up and drink from her sippy by herself, will eat an entire bowl of my homemade granola oatmeal from a spoon (fed by me or DH), will eat with her fingers (green beans, corn kernels, kidney beans, etc). She can table top and will stay in that position for several minutes and we are working on crawling.

Since she has made such significant improvements I am going to see for a month or so how the crawling and mobility thing goes and then determine whether we want to have her evaluated by EI.

Good luck.

[JustBarbara]

Welcome home to your little one! As for the neurologist saying it was from lack of stimulation and neglect ... hmmm - that might be the case but before you jump to the conclusion that the FF did not take care of your daughter it might also be that she was constantly held or worn so she hasn't had much need to practice crawling or sitting. Perhaps your neurologist is unaware of the Guatemalan culture? She's only been home a week and you are by no means alone with a child exhibiting some delayed behaviors. Many babies - both bio and adopted - benefit from early intervention so I'd check that out. But I have a hunch that if you are home with her and can get on the floor with her and do some exercises she will quickly catch up. Please keep us posted.

[JoshGuat]

asauser, & Just Barbara-Thanks for posting about the FM and the culture. That makes sense why so many babies are delayed as far as US standards. I guess in the end it really doesn't matter when they walk or crawl and long as they do. If they are on a sling or carried, that is probably more beneficial for bonding purposes. Standards here are just an average of what happens here, so I guess I am not going to be too concerned at this point. Thanks for posting!!

[cjrogers]

We brought our 9 month old son home on March 12. He was a floppy baby - couldnt do anything. Today, April 23, he is trying to stand up, sits up, rolls over, eats, gained a ton of weight, is inquisitive, happy and getting somewhat adjusted.

My BEST advice to you is call your State's Early Intervention program.

In Texas, we have a great program. I have a physical therapist, occupational therapist and developmental specialist who see him.

They catch up FAST. Don't worry about it, just get with the therapy, get your baby on the floor for tummy time (even if they hate it) 20 minutes 2 times per day... do exercises with her.. stretch her legs, arms, etc...

I bet in one month, you'll be writing to let us know how good she's doing.

If you ever want to talk, PM me. I've been and am going through the "delay" issue!

I know a lot of folks wait on the EI, but you don't have to! You can call immediately... little exercises make a world of difference for YOU and your baby. It's never too early to call ECI. My son is 10 months and we were referred at 8 months....

[susy...patience]

they often have a different perspective than a regular pediatrican. I live in Washington DC/Northern VA area & have a recommendation about one to consult but there may be one in your area. If there isn't one in your area, many of them do phone/video consultations. It might be worth the small amount of money it will cost....

[Parisnroc]

Our daughter was never carried. The foster mom either had her in the walker or laying on her back. She stated that she was the happiest lying on her back in front of the TV. Our FM has 5 bio kids, 2 foster kids and no husband. I am very aware that Guatemala is very different than the US. in many aspects. I would never unjustly accuse our FM of neglect. However, I'm sure there are cases of neglect with FF, and from what I know (and there is a lot more that would take to long to share) I assume neglect was part of the equation.

[pjkay720]

When we went to pick up our son back in November he was 9.5 months old. He could not sit up by himself or hold his bottle. He would not bear weight on his legs either. I was told by his FM that he held his own bottle at bedtime. He wouldn't hold his bottle at all. He also was not taking baby foods. My other son came home at the same age 2 years earlier and he was crawling and pulling to stand. I was a little concerned, but after a month and half of working with him he was eating baby foods, sitting and crawling. Now home 5 months he is feeding himself, drinks from a cup and straw, walks/almost running and is trying to talk.

My suggestion would be to get in touch with your Early Intervention program in your state to have your little one evaluated. My daughter who is special needs received these services and they are great. They would come once a week for an hour to our home and then leave with little things to work on for the next week. I think your daughter just needs to love, patience, and a little push to try things for herself.

The difference between my two in foster care was my older son was in a home where there were three older children and another foster child. My son who just came home in November was being fostered by a young couple who had no other children.

[mommytoEli]

Originally Posted by Parisnroc

I thought I was paying for Foster care so she wouldn't be neglected. Does that mean I get my money back!

None-the-less, I was wondering if anyone has experienced such severe delays with their child and how has he/she improved and through what methods?

Thanks

lol...man, i hear ya. eli came home at 10 months. he could barely hold up his own head, he could not sit, roll, crawl, pull up, or support the weight of his head when on his belly. he ended up in PT, PT said he wasn't stimulated. THE THING IS.....his foster family LOVED LOVED LOVED him. they didn't neglect him. BUT they held him all the time. and when he wasn't strapped to someone, he was in his bed. so he didn't have the opportunity to move around. also, i am sure that when he was being held, they didn't interact with him, but rather went about what they were doing. i don't know that i'd call that neglect....but it sure had an impact on his development.

[Parisnroc]

Maybe neglect is too strong a word. How about this one, the foster mother wasn't doing her job to her full ability. It's good to hear I'm not alone and very promising to know that her future is bright.

Thank you everyone

[annaguat]

It doesn't surprise me to see some of these older babies come home with issues like this. My babies were almost 7 months old but had caught up by 12 months. I hope your baby will be fine soon. I understand your feelings of frustration about the foster care. I had the same feelings. I think I had the hardest time with the fact they were not held and the emotional/behavioral issues associated with that. I would rather have had two clingy well attached babies that had been caried the whole time then two perfect dolls that did not like being held. Also both have heads that are mishapen from how they layed in the same position. Fortunatley a second foster mother for my youngest little one was able to help reshape her head some what before she came home. I am glad to say that they seem emotional and physically very well now at 2 1/2 yrs old. One thing I might suggest you discus with your pediatrician is if your baby should stay on formula a little longer because of her size eventhough she is close to a yr old. (I am an RD by trade) Tummy time and always holding for ever feeding were some of the greatest factors to help them get on tract those first couple of months. Hugs,Anna

[maccafan]

We brought our son home 2 months ago at the age of 10 1/2 months. He could sit up if we put him in the sitting position. He had just started being able to hold his upper body up if put on his tummy. I think he was still eating mostly formula, always from a bottle.

I've just tried giving him plenty of opportunities to do new things without forcing them on him. He has made great progress in a very short period of time. He now eats mostly solid foods and feeds himself, using a spoon some of the time. He uses sippy cups most of the time during the day. He started crawling about a month ago, and just today he learned to get himself up into a sitting position from lying on his back.

I agree with previous posters about "delays" being largely due to differences in culture. I am confident our son received good, loving foster care. But since they hold the kids so much, and don't put them on the floor because it's "dirty," he just didn't get an opportunity to develop his muscles at the age we expect babies to do here.

You might wait till you've had your daughter home for at least a few more weeks and see what progress she makes, before starting any kind of therapy. She may surprise you at how fast she starts catching up!