[asauer]

Ok, we've been home for 3.5 weeks...oh goodness, has it been that long?! Attachment is going really well with DD, she comes to me and asks to be picked up and laughs when I pick her up. She's a happy little girl. However, DS on the other hand seems to cry almost all the time. He raises his arms to be picked up then still cries when I do (same with dh) and cries if I leave the room just to go to the bathroom or throw something away. He cries in his highchair, cries in his crib, in the car, in the stroller...well, you get the picture. All told, there's probably only 3 hours a day when he isn't crying. The doctor has done their exams and says both are perfectly healthy. Any insights? I really don't know that I can take another day of this...(both are 13 mos old).

[ana-mom]

I don't have any answers for you.

I just want to wish you luck and send some encouragement your way. I hope things settle down for you soon - until then, hang in there and thank God your children are healthy.

Ana wasn't a crier - just wanted to be held 24/7. That phase passed and she is now quite social.

[wvamom]

I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like your son is going through some serious grieving. Our 16 month old went through a tough time, but his grief and anxiety manifested itself in total out of control wildness. I wondered what had happened to our family!

Is there anything familiar that might comfort him? Even a tape with songs in Spanish that he might understand? I remember showing our son pictures of his fm and saying, "Was that your mama? She was a good mama." He quieted right down. I cried for him.

The only other idea I have is the threads on attachment parenting on this forum.

I hope it improves soon!

[annaguat]

I am sorry your little one cries so much. One of my little ones is a screamer/crier and now after two yrs home is still more tempramental. I hope you will find what works for him. Maybe in the mean time try and alternate attachment therapy with DS between DH and you. Do not feel bad about taking some time off and taking good care of yourself. It is intensive to take care of little ones. Hugs, Anna

[jules17]

Could it also be teething??

My youngest son is a "cryer" so I feel your pain. We do a lot of distraction at this house!! Sometimes he just wants to be held by momma though...and momma doesn't mind!

I haven't gone to the bathroom without 4 eyes on me in ages.

Oh and we sing the "Itsy Bitsy Spider" a lot - it calms him down.

[Rhody]

My son was the same way when he came home.
If I stepped away from him, sometimes literally steps away, he could cry.
I ended up using a sling a lot, and carried him everywhere. That really helped him. But with two I don't know if you can do that.
Bright side is that it does get better. My son over time seemed to relax and realize I wasn't going any where. I think in his mind he wasn't sure what was happening with all the upheavel, new parents, new home, new country, new language, etc. I'm sure he was waiting for the other shoe to drop.
He's 2 now, and still wants me around a lot, but he does find on his own. So it does get better.

[quiver8]

Have you changed his formula since coming home? Is he eating well when fed? Just wondering if he has some sort of intolerance and the only way he can deal with it is crying.

[cjrogers]

Awww. I could have written your email. My son has serious gas problems. Docs say he's fine but the kid's whole body locks up when he has to pass gas and then he cries and cries and cries. Tonight bedtime took over 2.5 hours and he screamed the whole time. I took him outside to catch the last of the sunset... it totally placated him and he finally took the bottle and is in bed.

My two saviors are the gas drops and "getting him out of the situation in which he was crying"... if he's crying in the living room, I take him to the kitchen... If he's crying in the kitchen, I take him into the bathroom to give him a short bath...

All in all, it cuts it down, but doesn't stop it...

(((hugs ))) to you. I"ve nearly lost my sanity a few times and had to hand him to DH and take a walk.

[SKL]

My older baby was having a lot of trouble when she first came home too. For about two months. Then it was like she found a miracle happy drug or something - she became sooo joyful. Her moments of greatest joy are when she has figured out how to do something that gives her more control over her world - first, the ability to tell me what she wanted; second, the ability to walk; and so on. But still, whenever anything shakes up her world, she reverts into a whiny, peevish baby. She is just very slow to warm up, slow to trust . . . but under the surface there was always an amazing, bright, funny person inside.

As I've watched my daughter for the past five months, I've worked hard to try to understand her. She can really be a challenge. Not because she turns the house upside down (she is actually well-behaved except for some peevishness), but because she builds so many walls around herself. She likes to have a measure of control over her little part of the world, and not being in control makes her very insecure. Now that I understand her somewhat better (still not completely), what would I have done differently in the first month or two after she came home? I'm not sure there is anything I could have done better. Maybe I would have tried harder to give her choices, to allow more time when she could explore freely, to respond more quickly to her requests (though honestly I had a really hard time figuring out what she wanted). But, I pretty much let her be her own person, and it still took her two months to really get comfortable.

Another interesting parallel to your situation is that my daughter also came home with a sister (non-biological in our case), who was three months younger. She had been the only baby in her foster home. I feel seeing me nurture another baby may have added to her insecurity, even though I was very careful to give her at least as much attention and usually did everything with both girls together so nobody would feel left out.

I know it's early, but if the above sounds like it might apply to your son, I would keep showing him plenty of affection but wouldn't force him to be closer to me than he wanted; and I would try to be patient and let him learn to find trust and comfort on his own timetable. I'd try hard to help him communicate and respond as best you can to his requests for now, so he feels he's regaining a little control.

Oh, and have you tried playing Latin American lullabies and other Spanish language songs for your kids? This was really appreciated by my kids. Even better if you can sing along. If you don't do Spanish, the Baby Abuelita dolls are super - each one sings six Spanish kids' songs in an authentic voice. They provide a little connection with the kids' former world as well as being really nice dolls.

Good luck!

[JillnChris]

Sorry to hear he is going through such a hard time. I know this time can be rough on everyone. Sounds like the little guy is having a tough time with the transition, and understandably so since his whole world has changed dramatically.
Are you practicing attachement parenting? Things like wearing him as much as possible in a carrier, bathing with him, being his sole caregiver, and lot's and lot's of holding? I found this website to be very helpful A4everFamily.org - HOME
I know with my daugther she had a really rough time when I started working again. She would be fine at daycare but as soon as we got home she would cry all night. She did the same thing you described where she would cry to be picked up but then push me away and cry harder when I did. I just would sit with her and hold her until she stopped fighting and she would let me comfort her.
Good luck. Please vent away whenever you need to!