[arthymom]

Here's my dilemma...Please give me some perspective, forum friends.

Dh and I sat down to do the math. THERE IS NO WAY that we can afford to send dd to private school. Want to know why? Well, Kindergarten is a whopping 15,000 for the 08 schoolyear. And it goes up from there.

So here's the problem: Ds goes to my school (private) for free b/c I work there and get tuition free for one child. And we live in a mediocre school district in terms of class sizes and test scores compared to other districts in our area. Now the one plus side is that it has the highest percentage of hispanic students in our area...Definitely diverse and integrated. But, I don't feel like I can give her brother the best academic opportunity and not her. Pulling ds out and trading places w/her isn't a good idea for anumber of reasons having to do w/his needs.

1. Do we move now that the market is pretty good for buying in a great school district, even if it means losing some on our house? (BTW, our area hasn't been hard hit by the housing drops. Things are lower but not terribly so.)

2. Do we start saving now and go into debt financing her private school?

3. Do we wait till she's closer to five? After all, she is still only not even 2 y.o.

4. Do we stay here, make our house work, send dd to public for elementary where she won't be the only student of color, then pull her out by middle (where class sizes increase and the test scores really decrease) and send her to private then?


Gracias all for your advice. I need some fresh perspective...dh, best friend and mom are tired of my worries.

[CurlysGirly]

Arth, I understand because the whole school thing and "what are we going to do next" stresses me out all of the time.

I'm not sure about your particular district but I think you have some time to think through your decision before moving. A lot can change in the next 3 years to impact your district. I personally have had friends move to the "better" district only to find themselves dissatisfied after being there. Does your district offer a pre-school program? Ours has a multi-handicapped (their term not mine) class where they offer registration to "typical peers" from a waiting list. DS has been in that class since he was 3 and I put Devon on the waiting list when she came home. It made me so much more confident about our public school system. I went to 16 years of private so this is my 1st experience with public. Maybe that would give you a chance to personally test drive the school before moving or spending all of your savings.

[beverlyanderic]

keep son in private school because it's free and send daughter to public school. obviously it's important for a school district to be good, but that's only a small part of the puzzle- the home life can really positively impact a child's education- regardless of how good/bad a school is.

i just think $15K is absolutely absurd to pay for school. my college wasn't even that expensive. if you have to save for that, send your child to public school and then by the time your child is in high school you'll have over $120K saved plus compound interest.

[TXTennis]

This is really personal - but the reason I am working is to put DD in private school and to save for retirement. I went to private parochial schools all of my life and that is the one gift I am going to give my DD. That is the gift my parents gave to me, and my grandparents gave it to their children. It was not always easy for my parents but they gave up the vacations and new cars etc. so we could go to the schools we went to.

That being said the one draw back I had was my family moved A TON, when I was a child. I went to 5 different schools by the 8th grade. So my goal is to put my child in one school that I believe in and not move her if at all possible. I hated going to so many different schools and always feeling like the new kid.

Many private schools have scholarships for families or multi-children discounts. I would talk to your church if it is a religious school and see if anything can be worked out and what they can offer.

If you really want something bad enough there is always a way. It might take some thinking out of the box to get there - but you'll figure it out.

Hope that helps.

[Lori Elena]

$15k for kindergarten??? Am I reading that right? That's insane!!

JMHO,
Lori

[humanpitchpipe]

I went to private school from K-12 grade and didn't realize that I had missed out on so many opportunities until I was in college and studying to be a music teacher. It is a sore subject of discussion with my parents now, because I told them I wish I would have went to public school (and they paid a lot of tuition for me). I teach music in public high school today. My son will go to public school. I encourage you to check out your local public schools. Now, when you say that you are paying 15k it better be amazing. Do your research.

[maxine10018]

No matter what you do - move, not move. You can't send one kid to PS and the other to Public. Find a good public school that you like. If that means moving - move.

You mentioned about loosing money on your house if you move, but if you pay for PS school, that $15K in one year.

Good luck

[DDAmasa]

I think parents matter more than the school and a child can do well and learn in any school if the parents stay involved and aware. I went to private school until I refused to go anymore in 7th grade and I wouldn't waste the money on them.

You have to remember that test scores in public schools reflect the entire student body, including remedial classes and special ed classes and kids that never bother to show up and whose parents couldn't care less; groups of students private schools won't take. That alone counts for a great deal of the difference in scores between the public and private schools. I'd be more concerned if there were a great deal of violence and drugs at the school. Although here in CT, some of our most famous and expensive prep schools have had drug and gambling ring bust ups over the years.

Personally, I would try the public school. If once they start there really is a problem, then I would consider moving to a better school district. But I would send both children. Your daughter would eventually question (as would others) why she wasn't going to the expensive private school with her brother.

[6boysrus]

Have you ever considered Homeschooling?

If thats an option you are open to, there is a world of resources, the education options are incredible- faith based, advanced courses, etc.. there are many support groups that meet on a weekly basis- do field trips, projects, co-ops and so on- so socialization is definately not an issue.

Im homeschooling 6 out of soon to be 8 children. My oldest 3 were in Catholic schools up until 5 years ago. We are fully enrolled in a program so lesson plans and books are provided for us- as well as standardized testing, grading and counselors to assist. I pay roughly $2000 for all 6.

We are generally done with the school day- 8 subjects- in about 4-5 hours. I spend the most time with my youngest 3. 6, 8 and 9 taking about 1- 2 hours each in the major subjects.

I can say that especially with my oldest 3, even though they have had an exemplary education in Catholic schools, they have far surpassed their peers who are still in private schools.

Its the best move we made for our family.

Just wanted to say that it is a viable option for some

[akasohappy]

I don't think it is fair to send one to a super-elite private school and send the other to public.
I agree with the above statement that parental involvement matters more than where you send your children to school.
What about sending both kids to a moderately priced private school in your area when DD is old enough to start school?
I can see though how you would be hard pressed to give up a great school for your son that is cost free.
But I would shoot for what is "fair".

[JustBarbara]

Interesting ... and no easy answers. I don't think you want one child in private and the other in public - if anything is not perfect down the road one of your children will blame it on being in public or private school. And I know you don't want either of your children to feel more special than the other. Have you asked your private school if they will give you some kind of financial aid for your second child? I'm the opposite in terms of paying $$K - right now I pay $17.5k for daycare - will go down to $15k in Sept. and cannot wait until DS goes to our local public school but that's why I live where I do because the school system is consistently ranked high nationwide. DS will go to public through HS. Now some of you are probably spitting up your pepsi, coffee or whatever at the cost - but if DS went to the daycare on campus it would $25k. I've searched for less expensive daycare and haven't found one. Lori - are you okay, I hear you choking ;-) and yes, it is insane.

[arthymom]

Thank you all so much for helping me to think about how to frame this concept!

Homeschooling is an amazing choice these days as I find myself struggling to juggle home/professional life. There are days when I do and other days when I get great satisfaction at work.

Alas, I think the best advice is to wait a bit and check out my area school and see if reality matches my perception.

You are all right...3 years is a long time and we have time to decide.

Thank you all for the perspective. And yes, that many thousands for schooling is totally whacko...agreed...