[hbrown22]

We are still in PGN but I'm thinking ahead to pick-up. DD is 3.5 right now. DH and I are sort of butting heads as to whether or not to take her with us. Let's hope she's still 3 by the time we pick up! She'll be 4 in Oct. Anyway...DH wants to leave her home with her grandparents and I want to take her. His reasoning is not so much her safety or anything but the difficulty of having a new baby to get to know while accomodating her needs at the same time. He also is concerned about Embassy day and having to keep her entertained. So in a nutshell, he's concerned about dealing with her needs plus a baby's needs we don't really know of as of yet.

I want to take her because I feel it's a family bonding experience. I want to take her back to her birth country to meet her brother for the first time there. She is fully aware she was born in Guatemala and she knows he is there now waiting for us to come get him. I think it would be a neat experience. I know it will be much harder but I think I can deal with it. She's a pretty good kid. I think as long as she has "new" things to do at the Embassy she'll be fine. She can almost always be reasoned with although occasionally she'll have a tantrum as all kids that age do.

I don't know! I see DH's reasoning completely and he understands mine as well, we just don't agree! What would you guys do in our situation?

[PackGirl]

Well, just our expierence, but on our pickup trip last June, we had 2, 2year olds and were picking up our 17 month old.....
When we are finally able to pick up our daughter, as long as airfare isnt sky high... we will probably take our 3 boys with us. Ernie will be 3 at the end of the month...and our other 2 are 2years old.

What we did the last time and what we will do again is to have one of the foster moms come to the hotel to stay with us the night before the appointment and then there is someone to watch the boys while we are at the embassy. We are blessed to have good relationships with all 4 of the foster families so it has not been a problem to find someone willing to do this.

If we only had one of our boys with us, I wouldnt hesitate to take them to the embassy.... they enjoy helping and I'm sure they would be able to pass the time by helping us with their sister. Now, that said... I would NOT take all three of my boys with us to the USE.... way too much energy and mischevious behavior there!!!!

My boys talk about when they have gone to Guatemala...so while they might not process everything...they do know that they have been back to where they were born...they also enjoy spending time with their foster families while we are there.

What ever you decide... I hope you have a wonderful trip!

jmo

[lzriggles]

I would take her! I took my daughter at the end of October last year to pick up her new baby sister. She turned 3 in November after we came home. Everyone did great. We stayed at the Grand Tikal, which has a little mall attached and a great kids pool/pool enclosed in an atrium. You can order food by the pool there so it was more causal than the restaurant and just her style.

Also, babies LOVE older kids and I think it helped my 7.5 month old with the transition to have older Sis there. Not sure if you DH stresses easily and you have to factor that in? I traveled for pick up with my best friend (who is also my children's part time Nanny) and she was great at helping with my older daughter (playing games, coloring, etc.)

The embassy can be a bit of a long wait depending on your number, but there are plenty of other kids there and if you come prepared with some quiet activities she would be fine.

I think it's a magical time for just your family to be together. Once you're home everyone wants to see the baby and I think it would be great if she got to adjust a bit to the idea of it while in Guatemala. Not to mention the add-on benefit of being back in her country of birth. My daughter still talks about how beautiful it was in Amatitlan, the town where she was born. She got to see the hospital where she was born and meet some special friends that are real people to her now and not just names that I talk about.

Best wishes to you! Have a wonderful pick up journey to your darling baby boy!

Congratulations,
Liz

[Valeria4]

We took our 2.5 year old son to pick up our daughter. We used this trip (and our visit trip) to explain to him and introduce the idea that he was also born in Guatemala. That we brought him home on a plane too! But we were most grateful for our son being there b/c our daughter immediately took to Connor and he definitely eased the transition. And besides, we wanted all of us to be together as a family. Just take plenty of things for your daughter to do at the embassy.

Hope this helps!

val

[lisam631]

We talked to our agency and they very enthusiastically said we should take her. She is also adopted and is at the age where we talk about it alot (we always have, but she is now starting to ask questions about what we say).

Also I think it will be good for our soon to have a little person in the room. I've seen on several blogs that lots of people say how fast the kids bond with each other.

Lisa

[sesmom]

Our son went with us on our visit and pick up trips for his sister (he was 22 months & 25 months) and most recently they both went with us on our visit trip (DS is 3.5 and DD is 2).
We had thought about leaving them with family because we figured it would be a lot more work to bring them with but changed our minds when it came time to buy our tickets. We are so glad we decided to bring them with! It was so much fun to see them interact with their baby brothers - at times I even think it was easier for the babies because they loved watching the older two run around.
We definitely plan on taking them for our pick up trip too but we will be bringing Grandma along so that we don't have to take them to the Embassy appointment. Do you have any family or friends that would be willing to go with you?

Good luck with your decision!

Ann

[susy...patience]

who's talked to families that have brought little ones with....I 2nd or 3rd the idea to not bring the older one to the actual USE appointment.

In my last visit to Guatemala, I talked to a mom who was so frustrated at having nothing to do for older one for hours while at Embassy (and I kept wondering why she didn't leave the older one back at hotel with other family member that was along for trip).

[KKR213]

I can see both sides of the discussion but I would want to be together as a family for pick up. And I was going to suggest having another family member or friend travel with you if possible to leave your daughter with during the embassy appointment. But if not possible, then like you said get some new stuff for her to keep her entertained at the embassy.

Good luck making your decision! Hope you have to do it very soon!!!

[DeeVee]

We took DS on our visit trip; he was 3 1/2 at the time. He did great until about the third day when some real jealousy issues started to surface. His behavior was pretty hard to deal with that day. If we had been allowed to leave the hotel and do some other things it would have helped a lot.

We were not able to take him with us on our pick-up trip, though I would have liked to. We picked up in December and it was almost impossible to get an affordable flight that week on short notice. And many of the hotels were booked; we had trouble finding a room -- and there were no jr. suites anywhere to be had. Turned out to be a blessing in disguise, as DH, DD, and I all got rotovirus while we were there! If DS had gotten it too I don't know how we would have cared for him in addition to ourselves and DD.

I agree with the other posters about the benefits of bringing your daughter. But, you know your kid. If we had it to do over again, we would probably not bring older siblings on a trip to visit a baby, as you are confined to the hotel. But I definitely am going to try to bring everyone on our pick-up trip, as we will be able to do a few things like go the zoo, Antigua, etc.

As far as the embassy appointment goes, I would prepare for it the same way we do for a plane ride. Bring some new toys to pull out as you need them, crayons, stickers, whatever works for your kid

[RCK816]

Safety concerns aside, I agree with your hubby. This is your new child's time and you should spend your time with him and bonding, IMO. Your 3 year old will see her new sibling soon enough and you can take them both to GT when they're older.

[Mariais5]

This is just our experience, but I took Bryce back to Guatemala four times when she was 2. She went on all but one visit trip and on the pick up trip.. I think it was helpful in her bonding with Sofie. I am glad she was a part of the pick up trip, and she did fine at the Embassy appointment too..

We are actually planning two trips to Guatemala for this year.. I'm taking both girls back both times..

[hbrown22]

Thank you everyone for the advice thus far! A couple of things: Dee pointed out about jealousy issues. I can see that being an issue with DD. She can get jealous when I'm holding other babies and she is absolutely a mama's girl. Having said that, I could see it going either way. She will be so excited to see her brother she's been waiting for and excited about seeing, on the other hand, it's someone taking A LOT of mom's attention. I don't know how DS will be when we pick him up but I'm sure there will be crying at night and that has me wondering how that will affect DD's sleep.

We will go back to Guatemala eventually, hopefully a few times as the kids are growing up but I still think now when she's a preschooler would be a perfect time to introduce more of it to her and more about the concept of adoption while she's still very young. I also think those first pictures of them together in Guatemala would be priceless. Keep the advice coming!

[dianneemily]

My dh and I sort of disagreed about this as well. As it ended up, we did not take our almost 3 year old with us. I had never left her, so that was my concern. But, my sister and brother-in-law stayed at our house with her, took her to her daycare, etc. and she did absolutely fine with them.
In Guatemala, we were very happy to get a chance to be with the baby and not have to try to entertain Katy as well. I think if we had taken her, we would have been correcting her too much... like "be quiet, don't run, etc, etc.... and I'm not sure she would have found her new sister to be so much fun either - too much of mommy's attention. My dh said he didn't want Katy's first experience with her new sister to be negative. So, we didn't take her, made our trip as short as possible, and really, really enjoyed ourselves.

When we pulled up to our house, Katy was standing outside with a sign that said "welcome home Elsa". When we pulled up, she started yelling "my family is here, my family is here!" It was great.
The next several days, she had a chance to bond with her sister in a familiar environment and we were more relaxed so we could better attend to both of them.

Just my experience, I think you'll probably be fine either way, but I just wanted to say that I don't think that not taking her hurt their bonding or her overall experience of getting a baby sister!

[dianneemily]

One more thing....
I noticed your little boy is 8 months old. Katy was almost 9 months at pick up and she really had a hard time. She cried alot and didn't sleep well at all. It would have been pretty hard to handle a 3 year old along with her. Your little guy might be fine, but the transition might be hard, so consider this as well.

[mommyofcam]

I was VERY torn about this decision. We leave this Wednesday for pickup for our 19 month old son, and we are leaving our nearly 5 year old at home.
Our oldest has had 5 wonderful, fabulous years with just us. Our newest will only have several days before coming home to share us.
I also thought I'd rather come home to a 5yr old happy to see us, than one who is worn out and crabby from traveling.
Our oldest is adopted domestically, so he understands the adoption of his new brother. Although I would have loved for him to more a part of the experience, I felt looking at the entire picture, this was better for us.

Good Luck!