[giovanni7460]

or am I just a really lousy mommy? Antonio came home at 6 months. So I dont think this is the problem. BUT I am about to lose it. He is wild. Can I say that about my son? I feel so guilty and I just started this post. I have raised 7 kids and a grandaughter. I am not new at this. This little one is taking a toal on me. He eats everything, including my wooden chair handle. He pulls the blinds off the window, eats chap sticks, gets in the dishwasher, opens doors, opens the fireflace doors and sits in it. He screams all day. Never stops screaming. He bangs his head if you tell him no. Bangs it on anything, the piano, doors, floors. He shuts the computer then throws everything off the desk. He opens food cabinets and throws everything all over. Goes into my daughters room and opens her dresser and just starts throwing her jewelery, thats if he isnt eating it. Climbs into the tub and into the sink just to thrown things off. Eats toothpaste. I can go on and on. I am chasing him all day. If I stop to clean one thing he is off destroying something else. Outside he eats dirt, trees, runs in the street. Pulled the pipes out from under the pedestal sink. He pulled the shelf out of the fridge in one second that I opend the door.
I have an 18 month check up next week. I am so embarressed to admit that this kid is whipping me. No he is not this way with my husband. So yes its me.
Thanks for listening.
Patty

[akasohappy]

Our bio. son was very challenging as a toddler through preschool age.
He is now a very intelligent almost 8 year old who is "normal" energy wise.
He was the kind of kid that people still talk about....like remember how he....(fill in the blank)?
I always felt like a failure and even ruined some relationships over people commenting over his behavior.
I was so super sensitive about it.
I know my issues are different than what you are talking about, but I just wanted to add that my little guy was WILD and now he is a regular little guy.
WHEW!

[jcelestino]

Patty, I'm so sorry that his behaivor is so trying. My 18 mo son (home 9 months now) has also been a screamer w/a terrible temper. It has virtually sent me to the brink of insanity. We are FINALLY starting to see some improvement. He's not quite as "busy" as your son, but has some similar behaivors. Just want to say I understand and definitely talk to your ped and see if they can advise. I was also on the verge of getting a referral for a therapist who specialized in toddler behaivor, but like I said, over the last few weeks, we've seen so much improvement. Our son is getting to be a joy to be around 90% of the time. Hang in there. Hopefully that time will come soon for you.

[airstar98]

My girl is almost that age too and it is a skill of her's to pull everything down to the floor. I have to keep my paperwork up high and even at times, she has been seen standing on her tippy toes to unbalance the pile to watch them all cascade all over the floor, LOL!!!

This is what I had to do, realize that this is a good skill and soon I will be able to mold this skill of picking and pulling objects down, to putting object away/in toy box/ in basket, etc.

I brought two petite cabinets with shelves, doors, and drawers. They are just her size and now they are part of her play area. I put her toys, (she gets her own notebook of paper and crayons, pens, etc, but not unsupervised while playing with the older aged items).

Anyways, she now puts her toys up on the shelfs, in and out of the drawers, lol, opening and closing the doors on the cabinets, etc. I look around and on one shelf, I see two tiny pringle cans that she plays with balancing on the shelp, a stuffy, a zipper child's plastic purse, on the floor is some of her clothes she likes to play with, more toys, an envelope, and some picture that I give her to look at, on a another shelf, a wooden toy and drawer half way open, and on the couch and below it on the floor, a ton of toys.

Oh, and I'm very happy about this one, I have one table with all her clothes folded. I'm happy because the clothes are still on the table, she has more than once in a neno-second pulled them all to the floor!!!

And, sleeping peacefully in her playpen, is my beautiful girl, LOL!

Don't go after the messes right after it's done. Pick certain times to pick them up, so you don't ware yourself out.

If you don't want to reinforce your sweet little boy having the time of his life pulling things down, lol, then don't let you eyes get lit up and go, No, or anything like that, even if you are not upset, he loves watching you show this excitement towards his behaviors.

AND, choose this carefully, but when he goes for things that you don't want him to or are dangerous, say, NO, he will throw a fit, but try and redirect him to an appropriate behavior, when my little girl gets upset, i pick her up and put her in her playpen with a bottle, cause she is usually tired and a little hungry, when she calms down, then she comes back out

every kids are different but my suspicion is that he is loves to watch you stress, LOL!!!

[airstar98]

oh, another skill at this age, is putting smaller objects in bigger objects, for example, she loves to put any toy she can fit into an empty gallon sized water container!

I lost my keys the other day, and looked everywhere and couldn't find them. She had gotten hold of them and placed them in a little container screwed on to the fridge that collects water, I guess, lol, I'd never knew they were there, lol, until I looked behind the fridge for the keys, and my work station is staring at the fridge, but I didn't see her put them in there.

But, what is a cool, toy for her is the empty wipe containers, with the soft area where the wipes come out.

She has one in her play area and she opens it and puts little toys inside over and over and then takes them out, lol. I should add, not little toys as in those that can fit through a toilet paper roll, but toys smaller than the opening on the wipe container, blocks, plastic links, etc.

*add safety lock on all cabinets that you don't want him in, definitely don't keep objects that you don't want him to get within his reach, like chapstick

[giovanni7460]

Can I ask you guys if your kids talked at this age? Antonio does not say anything at all. He screams. He does understand English and Spanish. He answers to commands. He does not say mama or dada. He does say them but not to us as any meaning. I am past the brink of craziness.
Also I am so glad you guys understand. I am tired of people telling me there is something wrong with him. If there is then thats OK. He is my son. I too have had to tell people to back off. How much discipline can you do with a baby? Do they think I dont try?
Thank you
Patty

[hopin4ababy]

and until you have a child like that, you really can't understand. I remember telling the pediatrician that my goal in life was to keep him alive. It got to the point that I HAD to completely baby-proof the house. Everything was tied to the wall including dressers, tv stands, large plant stands....everything. Then I made sure that anything he could get a hold of was up out of reach and LOCKED away. (I NEVER had to do this with my other children) I also made a safe place for him in his room with only things he could not hurt himself on. I found a gate that was too tall for him to climb and I would put him in his room in half-hour increments whenever I needed a minute or had something I had to do. Thankfully, now he is the most well-bahaved and bright 5 year-old you would ever meet. We are always getting comments on him and his intelligence. He is still a very hands-on learner and still wants to try things to see what happens. The difference, now though, is that he is mature enough to have the common sense to know when it is appropriate. Hang in there. These children tend to be very bright and are trying to figure things out all day long. Give yourself some downtime and you will see great things to come. Blessings, Ali

[jerryscuba]

That is interesting. Your son and my daughter could almost be twins. She came home at under 6 months of age and we never thought that attachment could ever become an issue, but it looks like it did (mildly). Besides that she seems to have some sensory issues (banging head, scratching herself...). We also thought we are bad parents, especially since everyone (incl. the pediatrician) kept telling us: "That's normal, she is just a regular baby, you are spoiled by your son..." To the 15 months check-up we took a list of issues to the pediatrician. When she saw this list she finally took our concerns seriously and suggested evaluation.

I would suggest to have your son evaluated. It probably will give you some piece of mind either way.

Good luck!
Ralf

[gnattylove]

Patty,

My son is alot like this too. He bangs his head on everything and is into everything. I am hoping it is just a phase and he will grow out of it. I feel like I chase him all day and so no all day. He is 22 months old now. I am really hoping it gets better soon. Sure wish I had some advice for you (and me). I just keep saying to myself this too shall pass.

Good Luck,

[afl]

Oh yes, my 22 month old daughter is so wild, we are limited in where we can and what we can do with her. If it isn't somewhere she can be totally contained(i.e. no escape route) and she can't destroy everything, I just don't take her as it is too exhausting for me.



She is very defiant and will listen to positively nothing I ask that is disciplinary in nature.

I too would say that maybe have an eval for possible sensory seeking issues. I had my DD evaluated(I had to push the early intervention to do a specific eval for sensory as she was only deemed deficient in speech at first). She did qualify and we just started sensory therapy this month. I am hoping that some of it will bring her down a notch and give her some quiet times. I realize her personality isn't going to be the quiet, cuddly type, but she honestly never stops moving if she is awake.

[My Isela]

My 17 month old is a bit more "challenging" than my first daughter was. She is not hyper, but VERY curious. I have to make sure that everything is closed up, locked up and out of her reach at all times.
She understands directions that we give her, but does not say much. We have been able to teach her a few "signs" for things and she seems to be pleased with herself when she can sign "milk, please", instead of pointing to the kitchen and screaming.
I have also found that when she is doing something that she should not be doing we use the word "STOP", instead of "NO". Since we have been saying that she doesn't get as angry as when she would hear the word "no". Once she looks at us we will either: redirect to something else, or explain why she should not do what she is doing.
I know this may not work with your son if he is always in motion, but maybe it would work? Maybe he would respond to a little discipline, say a 1 minutes time-out (or, as our SW would recommend a 1 minute "time-in")
"Time-in" is where you hold them on your lap facing you to calm them down and let them know you are there if they are feeling out of control.
Hopefully, your son is just going through a phase and will grow out of the "craziness" but I would suggest talking to your Dr. as others have mentioned for other ways to help him along.
Hope you can find some answers.

[angelkisses0102]

Why not have your son evaluated by EI or better yet an IA doctor/clinic and let them decide what is going on? So many characteristics overlap...I recently dug this back up and it may help you see that so many issues overlap.
http://www.betterendings.org/Overlapping_Characteristics.pdf

I would look at his attachment (since he saves his behaviors for you and because of some of the behaviors you mentioned) and to sensory (he seems to be seeking sensory input.) My little guy had both both and now we just deal with the sensory end...he was a major sensory seeker and I know how draining that can be.

Also, the eating of non-food items is something that needs to looked into...Pica I think is one more common issue.

I am so sorry you are struggling....hang in there and vent away if it helps. And if your gut is saying it is not normal...trust it. I hated everyone telling my son was *normal* when my gut said it wasn't. My pedi, whom I love, and who loves DS, just never saw all his issues or took me seriously...until he had a full evaluation by an outside group. Hang in...just hang in.

[SKL]

Sorry you are having such trouble! I have a bit of experience with this from the past, and my daughters are into everything, though they aren't quite as "wild" as you are describing.

I have a few suggestions.

If your son is not yet able to climb out of his crib, try a "superyard." This is a pretty good-sized, enclosed gated area (indoor/outdoor) and you can buy expansion pieces until it's as big as you want. You could also just super-childproof one room, if the room is both "open" (not closed off from the family) and gate-able. Keep some really cool toys in there 100% of the time, so he has to go in to play with them. And then use it when (a) you need a break from chasing him, (b) he breaks safety rules, or (c) you feel he'll do better with some less active time. Even if he makes a fuss initially, he will get used to it and this will save your sanity. (Ask me how I know!)

When my daughters learned to open cupboards and such, I tried the "no" thing for a while, but it was just too tempting and frustrating. So, I assigned two cupboards in the kitchen that they are allowed to dig into (made sure everything in there was safe), and enforced a "good cupboard / bad cupboard" rule. Believe it or not, they listen. Sure, once or twice a week they crack open one of the "bad" cupboards to see what I'll do, but when they find out mama don't play that, they just go to the "good" cupboards and wreak havoc there. This and similar decisions I've made are helpful in a few ways. First, I've picked my battles so I am not saying "no" with every breath. Second, they get the stimulation and sense of control they crave. Third, this is a learning experience that I can extend to further activities - e.g., putting things back IN the cupboard, wiping down the cupboard with a dry cloth, etc. - keeping things interesting and still under control.

I have given up on some battles in order to focus on the really important rules. Like pushing the buttons on the entertainment system. There was no way that was going to stop, and I finally decided that since it was not endangering them and not destructive, I would rather let them do it than say "no" or pen them up all day long. Once I stopped saying "no," the novelty decreased considerably. Later I can talk to them about being considerate of others and lengthening the life of the electronic equipment, but it just isn't that important in the scheme of things right now.

I agree with a prior poster that your child may be reacting to your emotions about his behavior. My daughter's behavior escalates like anything if I get upset with it. So I try to remember to have my coffee before I discipline (very important!) and generally step back and ask myself how important this or that infraction is, and whether there's a positive way to react to it. For example, I used to have a hissy when my daughter deliberately threw food on the floor while I was clearly telling her not to. When I switched to "keep it on the table," things got way better. Similarly with "close the door" instead of "don't open the door." I am not sure why this works better, but it does. And when my wee one starts chewing on furniture, I get a teething toy and shove it in her mouth instead. A lot more effective than trying to explain why I am gonna kill her if she destroys my antique furniture, assuming the poisonous varnish doesn't do the job first. (Just kidding on the last sentence, but you know what I mean!)

To reduce your child's level of excitability, consider: (a) organic / all-natural food, and very limited sugar; (b) watching for any foods that seem to lead to different behavior, as he could be allergic; (c) playing some warm, pleasant music in the background as he plays, and avoiding having TV or talk radio in the background; (d) giving a relaxing bath in the middle of the day, and using a soothing bedtime type of lotion after the bath; (e) scheduling some heavy but controlled exercise in advance of the time he usually starts acting wild and (f) putting him down for nap / bedtime as soon as his behavior starts to get out of hand. And I am not sure whether this is age-appropriate, but I understand that chamomile tea is helpful for this too.

About discipline: I am not making any assumptions about what you are doing, but I would say that we should not be shy about discipline at an early age, even with adopted kids. Consistent and meaningful discipline is actually comforting to a small child - kinda like a swaddling cloth to a baby. I initially tried to be as gentle as possible during the adjustment period, but found to my surprise that my daughters seemed to be not just happier but more affectionate when I really started to enforce clear boundaries.

About language: while many children of your son's age do not say a single word, many do. My girls are younger and they both speak, but I will note that when their environment gets disrupted, they stop talking - especially my older baby (15 months old). Based just on my anecdotal experience, maybe if you can help your child calm down, he may begin to be verbal.

Good luck, and try not to listen to what judgmental parents say. Everyone thinks they know what to do with a "wild child," until they have one of their own.

[shelbydog]

I was also going to mention that perhaps it is sensory, and to see out an EI evaluation (should be free, call your county office). My son had sensory issues and lots of therapy so I am familiar with this - his were different types (more sensory avoidance) but it sounds like it may be what it is.

I also noticed in your post you mentioned alot of "household" things (dishwasher, doors, etc). When you are at home, have you tried more structured activities? We used to put my daughter in the high chair and give her play dough, crayons, books....we used the high chair ALOT with her. She is 2.5 now and we still do it. Sometimes she needs to be "confined" to calm down a bit and regroup. Just wondering if more structured activities and/or an actual daily schedule would help?

Also, try giving him a choice of 2 acceptable things. As in, "You cannot play with toothpaste - do you want to play with your cars or would you like to color?" Distract him with a choice of 2 things (show them to him) that are acceptable for him to choose from. This also helped us alot.

I would also really spend time babyproofing. He shouldn't have access to the toothpaste for example. You may need gates in front of areas you want to block him from. Make your life easier and just block him! Good luck - my daughter was very, very active - still is and it's exhausting, but it's up to you to create boundaries. You can do it!!

[brink]

I was wondering too if you can take the time to sit and play with him and give him extra attention. If you're a busy mom, he may be craving some extra mom-time. Maybe his way of getting the attention he needs from you is to draw you into his world by doing things he knows he shouldn't. That probably brings you running! Our 17 yr old daughter was also very busy. She happened to be adopted as a newborn, but I believe it was just her personality. I spent a lot of time being frustrated at her, but you're getting some great advice here on alternative ways to help him use his curiosity in safer, more stimulating ways. Our daughter is a calm young lady now, but she drove me nuts as a toddler. Our three older kids were never that busy. People also remember the things she used to do, and that I always had her by the wrist when we were in public. That is unless we were searching for her. I found they can't slip out of your grasp as easily if you're holding the wrist and not the hand. She still likes "things" and her room is a mess, but she is also very organized about a lot of things. She is the one who remembers things the rest of us forget. So you do have something to look forward to when you reach my age (which will remain undisclosed). Hang in there. I also agree that kids crave discipline. They really do feel safer knowing you won't let them get out of control. They just don't realize they want that safety and reassurance.