[arthymom]

I'm really struggling with being back to work.

Dd did ok at daycare today...No tears aparently after a few days of tears.

But I'm not feeling the same level of attachment as I did before I went back; i.e. less close contact initiated by her....

Did anyone else feel like their attachment had been set back when they first went back to work? I'm really hoping it's just temporary.

[arthymom]

Oops! I double posted my thread. Sorry!

[angieandstever]

I totally felt that way at first when I went back to work. It was really difficult and I cried many tears. Also my daughter stays with my best friend and for some reason her close bond to my friend worried me and made me wonder if she actually knew I was mommy. BUT.....

After a couple of months things got so much better. I would always drop her off and spend 15 minutes there with her chatting with my friend. I began to notice as my daughter became more mobile that no matter what she was doing she would always come back to me to hold her for a couple of seconds and then she would take off again. And if my friend was holding her most of the time she would reach for me. Anyway, with time things have become more comfortable and I now love the fact that she loves my friend/sitter so much. I think it just takes time.

Mommys are so hard on themselves. Unfortunately I HAVE to work so I knew I didn't have a choice but things really are great now.

Good luck and hang in there.

[kimbo17]

Hi! I felt the same way when I went back to work. It was extremely hard on all of us. After a few weeks of me feeling like dodo I left my job. It was a tough decision and we are paying for it financially. But who needs satellite tv and cell phones right? (this is actually tough to do!) I will eventually go back to work but waiting a little longer. I completely understand how hard it is. Hang in there, I am sure in time it will all work out.

[Guatemom]

Absolutely, it takes time! I was home with Connor for 11 wks before going back to work, and even then it was just part time. I wanted to transition both of us into a routine--but you know, I had a much worse time than he did! I cried all the way to work just about every morning. For the first couple wks he had a rough adjustment, but totally normal--new people, new surroundings, etc etc. My first thoughts/fears was it's all attachmt isues b/c of the adoption--but I learned it's just normal kid-stuff. He got into the swing of things much sooner than I did, too. He would fuss at me or sometimes completely withdraw until I left-and I'd call to check on him and always the same thing: he's fine after you left, they'd say. Oh, ok--now I feel much better
So see, not just you--try not to be too hard on yourself. It will get easier for both of you. Again don't think it's adoption attachment related so much as it is just the normal separation stuff. Your kiddo is exploring her new world, too; but she'll never replace or forget you. For what it's worth, I've heard from several SAHM's (my good friend is a SAHM and she confirms this, too)-that even when kiddos at home get at that 'age', they start to branch out and sort of explore away from mama, too; just part of the whole process I guess. Just my 2 cts

[JosieWales]

Owen has no problem going to the sitter now--he reaches for her when we get there, then points down the hall to the playroom where the other kids are! He always looks at me and smiles before she carries him off, and he is thrilled to see me when I get there in the afternoon.

But at first, although he was basically ok, he would look worried when I left. But I left him for just an hour at first, then 2-3 hrs, then half a day, then all day (well, as long as I could stand it--this was all before going back to work). He figured out I WAS coming back that way.

But it is hard. I miss him all day every day, even though I adore my job. As for attachment, though, I don't know what to tell you... I hope it's just temporary setback, or, as Guatemom said, normal kid-stuff adjustment!

[AndreaP]

You're not alone. I also noticed a little drop in attachment when I went back to work after 8 weeks home. My sis is my daycare, so like Angie, I worried over DD attaching more to sis than me. My sis has done a fantastic job reinforcing me as "mommy", calling me during the day when appropriate so dd & I can talk, creating a little ritual we do every morning when I leave, among other things. For us, the drop in attachment lasted about 2 wees & then I started seeing dd making the connection that I was really mommy & not going away & that sis was "secondary", so to speak.

[guatmama2b]

No words of wisdom here, but sending you hugs. I am dreading going back to work also.

[fochtru]

I have no advice, but wanted to say that I went back to work this week also. Andrew did pretty well. Me? Not so much.
I know he's still having a little bit of difficulty there because he's pretty quiet (when he's not whining/crying) and hasn't really shown them his cute little personality. We'll both adjust, but it sure is hard.