[mommytoEli]

do you plan to? have you done it? are you opposed?

2 things:

1) please do not post information on searchers as this would be a fee-based adoption service and would violate the tos.

2) let's remember that what may be right for one family, may not be right for another, so let's keep it friendly......

because i don't know about you, but i'm curious to know some numbers

let's poll.

i have also enabled the poll so that you can choose more than one option when voting

[amyfk]

I have read of several folks on the Russia board with young kids who are already seeking out the child's birth parents.
I really didnt know what to do.
Last spring I went to an adoption seminar in NYC and spoke with a well-regarded adoption therapist. I asked her at the seminar if I should be seeking out this information yet. She advised me to wait. I figure I'll go with the professional's opinion. My child is only two so I figure I'll readdress this at some later date.
Good luck to all.
Amy K, NJ

[CurlysGirly]

We just got our G-884 info in the mail the other day. I want to make contact so bad because I know that I would have loved that with my Birth Mom. I am too scared to make direct contact because I worry that she might be in a new place in her life and not want a current relationship to know her past. I also know that the sooner the better because you don't risk a her moving to a new city. Heck, I don't even know if the address I have is right. This has been on my mind so much lately. I joined a new yahoo group and am registered with the Sibling Registry (DD has a bio brother 13 months older than her).

This has my mind whirling lately and I think I am going to hire someone private to do a discrete search for me. I wish I could just send her a Chistmas card with a picture of her amazing baby with us. I want her to know how much we love Devon and I want Devon to have all of the information she wants/needs. Ahhhhh.

[Tiggysgirl]

Our bmom did not want contact at the time of DNA. My plan is to contact our attny every year to see if that has changed IF she is able to contact the bmom discreetly. If not, then I guess we'll just wait for ds to make the decision, but should he choose to search for her than we will take the financial responsibility to hire someone and support him 100%!!!

Like Tara, I wish I could just send her a card with a note and some pictures. I just want her to know that not only are we thankful for him, but also how beautiful, smart, sweet, funny and amazing he is.

[bbull]

Since Rosie and Eli's birthmom has become such a big part of my thoughts every single day (especially during this new adoption process), I have asked to meet her if she's willing when I go for pick-up or the next visit.

[Slatond10]

I used a searcher earlier in the year. All of my information in the documents I rec'd as well as originals had incorrect address information. So the original search was unsuccessful but she continued and did locate the birth family. Birthmother (S) is open to yearly contact and would like to meet us if we travel to Guatemala.

So here are some of my opinions (JMHO)

* I do not agree with the professional that said "wait." I think it is good see if they can be located and establish that contact early so they can be found given the chance that the information is possible "incorrect" and it is not uncommon for them to move around. Your opportunity to find them may get less with time.

* Searching is not for the faint of heart. This is an emotional roller coaster ride too. I can not express my disappoint in words when the original search was unsuccessful. Just as I was coming to terms with it the searcher did locate the birthmother. I HAVE NEVER experienced the MASS range of conflicting emotions in my entire life with "joy being one of the top ones but it really sent me into an emotional tail spin until I rec'd the first report of the meeting. Then I had peace. That first report is PRICELESS to me because even if I lose contact I have the words in writing from her birthmother's mouth for my DD ... "that she was loved." Obviously I will continue contact yearly and plan to travel for a meeting.
( also the effect this had on me is probably only 1/100 of the emotional impact this must have on the adoptee. I really can not imagine how anyone could handle that type of emotional turmoil. My heart goes out to them. I hope by incorporating DD's birthfamily in her daily life at an early age I limit that impact)


But now I have to educate myself on when and how to share information with DD. I do believe in totally honesty with her but she is 3 so I am struggling with the whole "age appropriate" level of communication.

I respect anyones opinion on whether to locate or not to locate. This is just what is right for me!

[Guatemom]

We were strongly advised even attempting to directly contact Connor's birthmom. Still, that didn't stop me from joining a yahoo group and trying to find more about her and/or his birth siblings (I believe there are 4, but not very sure). I called again, recently, to see if anyone (esp. the atty) had heard from her-and they still hadn't. They said I could send more pictures and the atty would just continue to keep them in her file in the off-chance she'd hear from her that they'd be availale. I know she had a lot going on in her life, and I fear that if we don't find her soon that Connor might never be able to find her, and I so want him to have that connection. I haven't brought it up with DH, but I'd like to hire a professional to search for her when our $$$ recover. It breaks my heart. I think of her so often and wonder where she is. Sometimes the world seems so small, then other times....

[Guatemom]

BBULL---that's a great idea!! Thank you! Maybe I could ask to meet Cristian's birthmom when we go for pickup? I just wonder...

[JosieWales]

Owen's b/mom lives several hours from Guatemala City, so we never had the option to meet her when we visited/fostered. My mother is currently trying to find her and her family so we can send them money, anonymously. We feel like, when Owen's older, if he knows his b/family's situation, he will wonder why we didn't help.

[Tavidad]

We would like to know more about the birth mothers of our son and daughter, to know their stories first hand and to let them know, to the extent they want, who their children are being raised by.

My own intent is purely for the sake of my children. I don't know what they will want from us in terms of information, but I would rather have a full, first-hand story to tell, than one full of I-don't-know's. But I will be honest about it, whatever happens.

We plan to ask our attorney what to do when we see her, and to ask her if the birth mother would want to meet us when we go down there.

[ej-momtobe]

We asked to meet the bmom on pickup. We thought our request would be ignored, but the facilitator had contacted her about meeting us and she was supposed to call them back to arrange the details of the meeting and never did. But, a friend of hers did show up at the pick-up trip. I was really unprepared for a friend of bmom showing up, and thought of many questions later that I wish I had asked. We are able to contact the bmom through the friend, but have no way of knowing if the info is passed on.

We originally thought that in a few years we want to take DS down there to meet her if she is willing. But the more we thought about it, we think that our jobs as his AP's is just to maintain contact, so he will be able to talk to his birthfamily later when he is old enough to process some of this if he chooses. (and she is willing).

[ocracoke]

I am trying to locate my daughter's family. She has been home for about 15 months. Her bmom died the day before she was relinquished and her bdad was terminal. I know if I have any chance of getting any information from him my search must happen now. And as an adoptee, I would disagree with the professional as well. Search! Get information, pictures, stories. It doesn't mean you need to share with your child right now. Save it. Let you child know it was always important to you that you have information about their origins.

Samantha

[Theslaws]

Our daughters are bio sisters so we really wanted to meet their birthmother. We asked our attorney to ask if she would meet us when we picked up our youngest in AUgust. They did speak with the birthmother and she said that she would like to meet us but she was scared. Supposedly the people in her village made her shave her head for "bad behavior" of having placed children for adoption. Another woman in her village had her house burned down for the same reason. She felt it would be too obvious if she came to Guat. City so close to all the adoption activities. She said that if we come back to visit she would try to meet with us then.

I do believe the shaving her head thing. We have multiple pictures of her over the course of the 2 adoptions. In one of the pictures its pretty safe to say she has a bad quality wig on compared to how her hair looks in all the other pictures. So sad!!!


We do plan on visiting and hopefully we can meet her on another trip as our girls get older.

[adoptnky]

I really want to search - DH thinks we should wait until Alex wants to search.

I'm going to keep pushing DH as this is very heavy on my heart. I would like to establish the contact - gather some information - and then share it with Alex when he is ready. He can then decide, on his own, how much he wants to persue the information.

Kim

[Anne1377]

Hi friends!

We told our attorney that we would like to meet with our birth family if they wished to meet with us. We were able to meet them when we returned to Guatemala six months after we brought our daughter home. (gosh...she will be home for 4 years right before Christmas....!!!). Since that time we have visited them several times, have vacationed with them and have their address and phone numbers. We know her birth mom and dad as well as her siblings. It has really been wonderful getting to know these very special people and they are very much a part of our extended family. We are looking forward to seeing them very soon....

Diane