[mamacrista]

I have to ask you all your opinion on something.

We are waiting for our 2nd DNA authorization, so we're anticipating our pick up trip to be sometime in the next 4 weeks or so (hoping!). I don't know what to do about the holidays. My family--ALL of them--is obviously very excited about meeting our daughter for the first time. Did you travel soon after your pick-up, or did you stay home and quiet? Did you allow lots of people into your home, or did you just try to stay on the down-low for a while until baby adjusted?

Any help/thoughts/advice on this would be appreciated. I know it's going to be a crazy time during Christmas, but I just don't know what is prudent and responsible to subject my child to...

Thank you all so much. Blessings, Crista

[cbmstephanie]

We came home on December 15th, so very close to Christmas. We had almost 50 people meet us at the airport that evening. It was awesome. They were all so excited to meet Maria. Everyone did come over to our house for a little party after the airport. It was a bit overwhelming even for me. I was exhausted from a long trip home, but it worked out well. Maria fell asleep shortly after getting back to the house, so she didn't mind everyone being there. Everyone just stayed for an hour or so. We didn't get in until 9:30pm, so at 10:30 it was time to hit the hay. We slept in very late the next day!!

After that we just kind of hung out at home for the next week or so. We didn't really go out...except to the mall to get a picture with Santa. A few people did come over, but they didn't force themselves on her and she was definately able to set her own boundaries.

Christmas Eve was at our house so that was nice. We didn't have to go anywhere. There were lots of people there, but Maria pretty much stuck close to either DH or I. She would play with her cousins a bit...they love her so much and were sooo excited to have her home for Christmas.

The next few weeks after Christmas we stayed at home for the most part. I think she adjusted very well. No one really pushed themselves on her and she would go to people when she wanted to...otherwise she stayed pretty close to mommy and daddy.

I do think it's wise to remain rather low key and let the child run the show. You will know whether they are comfortable or not. I don't know that I would schedule a trip out of town for at least a few months after they're home. It was a big adjustment for us and I can't imagine the adjustment on the child.

Good Luck!! It is so exciting to be able to have that little one home for the holidays!!

[mamacrista]

Stephanie,
Thank you so much for the advice. It confirms what I was thinking might be true. It is going to be interesting to communicate this to our families. When our two boys were born, they literally mobbed us! It was nice to be surrounded by so much love and family, but it was a bit overwhelming. For me. Everyone else seemed fine, but I wanted quiet, and I imagined the babies did too. With Elli, I think it is even more important to keep things calm and quiet. I guess it's time to put my foot down and let them know that she needs her time to settle. That'll be interesting. Please say a prayer for me. My husband might not be very understanding about this. He comes from a very energetic family and is probably not going to understand my reasoning.....I may be underestimating him though. He might understand perfectly? We'll see. It is all about Elli though, and we will do whatever she needs. I would be THRILLED to have a quiet Christmas at home.

By the way, I saw your blog with your FC counter. I bet you are DONE with that this week! I know the SW has 30 days to do the report, so that gives you 2 more days? Keep us posted. I'll be looking for the heading that says you're done with that!

Love,
Crista

[Justhavfaith]

We didn't come home during the holidays but, we chose to stay at home and work on developing a routine for a few weeks. We were also first time parents so just figuring out what we were doing without others there was helpful. I agree with the other poster that you should really let the child run the show. They will give you enough signs to determine what is too much. We made a 13 hour car trip with DS six weeks after coming home and he did great. I think that some children would be fine with a bunch of people right away and others may need a little more time. It may be hard to explain to the family but, if you give them the "talk" now, you won't have to worry about it when your baby comes home. Good Luck.

[beverlyanderic]

we came home on 11/3 and went to my mom's on 11/4 for some of our immediate family to meet him. then just this past weekend, we had an open house for the rest of our immediate family (and some cousins and friends)- about 10 or so people each day. we just thought it would be important for everyone to meet him. we also were around our son as he was passed around.

do whatever you feel is right for you- the rest of your family will just need to accept it.

really fun times!

enjoy.

[jemmawag]

HI - we came home Oct.18 and are planning an open house Dec. 9. We did have immediate family come for my older son's bday and this seemed to be fine. My ds is 2 1/2 and definately needed some time to get used to things, the first couple of weeks were difficult but everyone is doing well now.

[pjkay720]

I"m so glad you posted this question. I've been wondering the same thing. I'm so torn on what to do for Thanksgiving. I will be bringing my son home two days before. I'm having a small Thanksgiving dinner at home with just my dad and brother coming. However, my in-laws want us to come there sometime over the weekend. I'm nervous about this because I'm already traveling with my cousin and my MIL so I want my husband to have as much time to bond with Luke before he goes back to work. He says we aren't going, but the last time I went against my in-laws we didn't speak for a whole year. The interesting thing was my DH said I have your back on this and when it was all said and done he was still in their good graces, visiting them and talking to them while I was left out to dry by myself. I'm not ready for that again with bringing home a new baby along with having two other kids at home with the holidays coming. Just too much to handle.

[Lulumom]

We allowed family and close friends to come over and meet our daughter. Most adults know and understand that the children are adjusting. Our family and friends were great. My husband or I would hold her and then if she felt comfortable she would get down and play or sometimes let one of them hold her. We never pushed her in anyway and neither did our family and friends. We have big families and now she does great with everyone. Follow your instincts and you will know what is right for your child. Good luck!!

[JillnChris]

We were very overwhelmed and exhausted when we came home and so was Eva! Some people met us at the airport and that was nice becuase then we just have been laying low since then. For us this has been very nice to just be able to get to know our little girl and not have a lot of interuptions.

[CurlysGirly]

We had a large group meet us at the airport because we set out the ground rules before coming home. We let everyone know that DD would need time to adjust to us so we were not going to take visitors for a while. Kind of like, if you want to see her come to the airport. We also did not let anyone else hold her for about 3 months. We let Grandparents hold her after 2 months. I know I was strict but I didn't want her to have any confusion. Most people understood and I stood firm on it.

Also, if you do have to go out and about, where your child in a sling. It makes it harder for people to get to them and then they don't ask to hold your baby as much. It seriously worked as a deterant (sp?) from baby grabbing hands .

[cantwait2bmommy]

Thank you so much for posting this, Crista! We seem to have a close timeline. I have no idea how we are going to handle the holidays, but there are some good tips here. On pick-up my parents are coming, but they are coming to care for my son (who is not coming home yet) while I take care of everything for my daughter and start bonding then once we get home I live four hours away from them and will have plenty of time to bond with her after the holidays. I also plan to take ques from her and if it seems I need to be diligent about others holding her, I will just put her in a sling and let people look but not touch. I figure I will see how she adjusts and go from there; however, any other tips would be great!

[redru2004]

We came home in May, so we didn't have to worry about the holidays, however I was still very vocal to family and friends about Lucas' need to adjust and that we wouldn't be taking any visitors for awhile. I let them know it was OK to meet us at the airport if they wanted, but not to expect to hold him, feed him, or anything for sometime. This had been my mantra for months before Lucas came home. We had about 40 people meet us at the airport, we stayed and chatted for about 30 minutes while we waited for our luggage and then we went home. We laid low for a long time. Lucas had a difficult transition and had a hard time even trusting us let alone anyone else. Honestly it's only been the last 2 months or so that we've let people hold him, etc, but we let him call the shots. If he's not comfortable then we don't let it happen. He's come a long way with his attachement and he's a different kid then he was when he arrived home, but each kid is different.

[mamacrista]

I am so grateful for everyone who has given input regarding this decision we're facing for the holidays. It has encouraged me to follow my instincts and that it is ok for us to hole up and just be with Elli for a while after she comes home. I do not look forward to the disappointment that my husband's grandparents will feel when we are not with the family for Christmas, but I consider it a blessing to be able to spend the holidays at home with our daughter. Thank you for your wisdom. What an awesome resource!

Love,
Crista
OOooorrrrrr-ange! Where aaaarrrrre you?

[annaguat]

I am a big believer in staying home and laying low for the sake of bonding and settling in. Anna

[ransom12]

We came home January 24, 2007. We immediately had grandparents at our home and then people stopping by all the time. Our agency suggested 2 weeks without alot of people around and I thought they were nuts. There was no way I was going to keep the grandparents and immediate relatives away for that long. We really felt that we had bonded well with our son while we were in Guatemala so we didn't see the need. Looking back at it, I now see why they suggested it. What a transition for our son, a whole new bed, room, smells, food, etc. Since we live in MN he also had the temperature difference. We live in Northern MN so we had to fly into MSP(cheaper airfare)so our son was in three different beds and three different places in 48 hrs. He was sick and his skin was irritated. Also, what a transition for us being first time parents. It took a good two months for us to bond and even more for my husband and to set into a routine. Just getting use to having an extra person in the house was huge.
Everybody wants to hold the baby and I could see a confused look on his face everytime someone new wanted to hold him. My MIL was the worst, she always wanted to take him out of my arms before he could warm up to her. Everyone expected him to just know they were his family and he was suppose to love them instantly. My shower wasn't until the end of March and my son clinged to me the whole time. People were offended and I even had comments like "you need to get him with other children and adults so he isn't so clingy." I was so excited because he had just started to be clingy to me since our pick up trip. How do you tell these people who have helped you through this whole process to back off? I know I'm contradicting myself, but I wanted people around for support. I had this new little person who depended on me for everything.
I think you need to spend time with relatives and have them meet your child especially during the holidays. I would let people know up front that it is extremely important that you or your dh holds the child, feeds the child and even diapers the child. It is so important that you and your dh form an attachment before anyone else.
When we adopt again I will do things completely different and limit the visitors for a week or two. I think everybody's situation is different and you'll know what's right when the situation arises.