[SKL]

I so didn't want to do that, but here's the thing. My 1-year-old can be whiny at times, and in the past several days, her whines have sometimes escalated into the most obnoxious screeches. Very hard to ignore. That's the first part of the story.

The other thing is that she hollers when she knows I'm getting ready to feed her. She sees the bottle coming, and the hollering only gets worse. This is true whether she is particularly hungry or not. I know one-year-olds aren't all that logical, but what the heck is that about?

Today the whining and screaming was going on as I was getting the girls' bottles ready, then I was putting a blanket on the floor to lay them on for drinking, because they usually drip milk on the carpet and I'm tired of cleaning it up. "Shhh" wasn't working. The noise just got louder and louder, the closer the food came. Finally I raised my voice and said NO MORE!! That shut her up, but I am not proud of it, and I certainly don't want to replay that scene upon every feeding. I need to find a way to help her de-escalate. (She does shut up as soon as food goes in her mouth, but obviously I can't use that tactic all the time.)

By the way, I did try a "time out" the other day for this screaming, but I don't think it made the desired impression on her.

Any thoughts (other than what a bad mommy I am)?

[Candace3]

Oh my word, you are not a bad mommy so stop telling yourself that! I think little ones just get so excited and they want to make sure you know they want that food you are getting ready but they cannot communicate it yet. I also have two little ones right now (12 months and 10 months) so everything is doubled and it makes it seem more crazy, but she will grow out of it. Also, when she can understand you when you say 'it's coming' and she can communicate back it will get better. You are doing a great job and if this is the first time you raised your voice in frustration than i take back the 'great job' and put in an 'excellent job'

[Tavidad]

Go easy on yourself, for starters. Perfection is for saints; the rest of us have to settle for, at best, knowing when we've made an error, and doing our best to change it.

Second, my son, 20 months, cries when he sees food and he's hungry. He also makes a beeline for the chair.

You're right, not logical, but it's his way of saying, "I want food now and I don't know if you're going to give it to me, so I'm letting you know."

You know the dropping the spoon thing? Over and over and over? A friend once told me its the scientific method, testing and retesting, because gravity may not be working today. Well, you may not be giving them food today, so she's letting you know ... again ... and again ... and again.

I've started going through an explanation of what I'm doing: "Here I am, washing the apple ... now I'm cutting it ... now I'm putting it on a plate" etc. It's been working, a little, but he's at a stage where he gets the logic thing a little better, so it may not work with a 12-month-old. All I can say is, it will get better. Hang in there ... and don't beat yourself up!

[Candace3]

I just looked at your timeline and realized that you just came home a couple of weeks ago! Welcome home!

[ana-mom]

You aren't a bad mommy. It seems my favorite phrases these days are 'Ana, just stop it' and 'Mama said no'.

I can't stand the whining. Usually I can tell Ana to 'show me' what she wants and that does the trick. I know she understands what I am saying. The word 'No' just makes Ana laugh.

I get so tired of hearing my own voice some days. I am making a concerted effort to either distract during the whiny times or produce a positive phrase (I know you're hungry and Mama is getting your food right now. How 'bout we sing 'Itsy Bitsy Spider'?).

[gibbs7263]

My 5 year old still screams and can't understand the words "it's coming" Try screaming and hollering with her and see what that does.
Ana-mom I can't stand whining either. My 5 yr old does that as well.

I hope she doesn't teach her brother those annoying habits.

[KKR213]

My son came home younger than your daughters but when he was first home he would scream and cry when I was getting ready to feed him. Also if I didn't put the spoonfuls into his mouth fast enough! I think it may have been that he wasn't fed enough and was thinking I need to get it now before it goes away. Not sure if that could be the case with your girls but thought I would throw that out.

And you are so not a bad mommy for yelling but I do know how you feel. Distraction does work in most instances. Now I usually give him a small snack (a few goldfish) to keep him happy and give me a little time to get dinner ready.

Good luck!

[Tavidad]

Originally Posted by KKR213

Now I usually give him a small snack (a few goldfish) to keep him happy and give me a little time to get dinner ready.

Oh, yeah! Good point! We do that as well. A banana, cheese, whatever, something that will last long enough to get dinner/lunch/whatever made.

[CurlysGirly]

I think we've all done it before. I've hollered along with them, cried along and almost felt like having my own on the floor tantrum.

I also find that my daughter makes much louder shrieky sounds than my son ever did. She makes, not to be sexist...lol, "girl sounds".

It is more a less her way of communicating so I sometimes try to imitate it (in a funny way). Sometimes it works and she is satisfied with the "conversation". Other times, when she is doing it because she is mad, it makes her madder.

Laughing here because as I was typing this she has given the tv, the dogs and DH "the business".

[annaguat]

Welcome to parenthood and all the things you thought you would never do/say. I have had two that were that way, screamers. I use time out and the child doesn't get the bottle till he has stopped hollering. It is very important to stay calm yourself and pattern the desired behavior. The baby will pick up on your tension. One of my current babies hollers/whines. She gets time out in her bed and I tell her she can come again and be with us all when she is happy. It works! It just took consistency and time to get to that point. Besure to reward desired behavior and try and ignor undesired behavior. Anna

[Saya]

Two quick thoughts. One, it may be hard but you may want to try to ignore the whining and screeching. It's most likely just a small phase, and the more you ignore it the less fun it will be for her and the quicker it will go away. Two, I spend a lot of time narrating what I'm doing and repeating it over and over again. If she wants more food, I say "OK, I am going to feed the cats first and then I am going to get you more banana Right now I am feeding the cats and then I will get you your banana. In just a second I will finish feeding the cats and then I will get you your banana . . ." etc etc ad infinitum. Even if she doesn't get the exact words yet, she'll get used to the fact that sometimes it takes a little time to get what she wants. (She still won't like it, but it will get easier.)

And give yourself a break - this is new and hard and you're doing great!!

[JustBarbara]

Hah - I think most of us have been there or close to there. My DS (19 months) sometimes behaves like a zombie in those black and white movies - arms outstretched, with a 'eeeeeeeehhhhhhhhh' sound if I'm not fast enough with the sippy cup or dinner. You would have thought I was starving the little lad.

Then there's a little grunting aka caveman. Oh and yes, I HAVE thrown myself on the floor - gently - in his carpeted room and pretended to have a fit (he was not impressed but really curious as to who this mama was). I do explain everything as I'm doing it (buys me a few seconds here and there) - and sometimes repeat the same "mama is cutting up DS's carrots" "oh, where did mama put DS's plate" as I search for the top to his cup. For the most part he's a well-adjusted, well-behaved kid but sometimes ... he makes me walk down the three flights at daycare instead of taking the elevator - and I am carrying him!

Hang in there - not a bad mom at all. It's all part of the joy of parenting - no, really it is. Some day we'll all be looking back fondly on some of these antics. And to be honest, most of the time I just try not to smile.

[Mariais5]

One thing I do when Bryce or Sofie are screeching/whining/screaming is to sing.. most of the time, they will get quiet and listen to what I am singing and try to sing with me.. Unless of course they are angry/mad, then it doesn't matter what you do, it isn't going to stop..

[jules17]

I second (or is it third or fourth?) SINGING - and let me tell you, I am a terrible singer. But my sons think I should be a Broadway star.

When they get antsy about food, and with 2 boys, they sure do get antsy about their food, I break out into song - a Broadway tune, an oldie, (Crazy by Patsy Cline is always a hit) a children's song, a made up song.

They ALWAYS give me a one second "Mama, you're crazy" look and then forget their hunger and frustration and start giggling and dancing. And then I give tons of praise. "Thank you for being so patient! GOOD JOB, GUYS!"

It buys me a few precious minutes.

[Mommy2twins]

Bad mom??? Good grief no! I don't think anyone is going to be perfect 100% of the time... don't beat yourself up. I have two 23 months olds and have been in your shoes. I was certain that my sons screeching would break some glassware one day... by no. Anywho... I got him a pacifier and a teething ring. He liked having something in his mouth and settled on the teething ring. He never stayed interested in it for more than 30 minutes or so at a time, but that was long enough for me to get our meals ready. I hope this helps spare a few nerves!

Shelly