[dilgra]

Am I over reacting?? We walked in to a children's store yesterday with DD and a sales lady came up to us and said "Oh, she is so cute, what is she mixed with" I was speechless, I have never had anyone say that to us. Normally if people are curious they will ask where she is from or where she was born but What is she mixed with??? At first I didn't know what to say, then some really mean and nasty comments about this person's ignorance came to mind and I had to bite my tongue and felt that no response would be better. DH finally said that she was from Guatemala. The woman continued to follow us around the store and comment on how cute she is so I realized that she was just ignorant and was probably one of those people that have words fly out of their mouth before their brain can react . But seriously, what happens when my DD is old enough to understand what she is saying! Does anyone else find this offensive or is it just me because I have had people ask me what my dog is mixed with before

Someone told me if it ever happens again to say that she is mixed with sugar and spice and everything nice and maybe that would shut them up! This is the first time I have had a stranger make a weird comment like that, I guess I better get some responses to stupidity prepared.

[Isasparents]

We live in a 95% Hispanic community, so that wouldn't happen here. However, I think that sort of thing will likely pop up in more Caucasian communities. I think I'd say "My daughter is Hispanic." It's really up to you. The important thing is to sound calm when saying it, so your daughter doesn't think anything of it.

There was a great article in Oprah this summer of a white mother raising Chinese daughters. She often got "What's their father?" questions. She'd say, "They're daddy's Irish, but their birth parents were Chinese."

I think you did a great job in a challenging circumstance.

[purplecat]

Oh my, I am so sorry. I do like the sugar and spice line, though.

I actually had someone ask me today "Why would I adopt two daughters, when I could have my own children?" Hello???

Some people do not understand unconditional love. Maybe they were never shown that kind of love, who knows?


Cathy

[JosieWales]

I would say, 'why, nothing, she's 100% human!' LOL

And I really like the 'her daddy's Irish but her birthparents were Guatemalan' idea.

I had someone ask if DS is half-Mexican, and I said 'no, he's Guatemalan' and felt myself getting up in arms--but she said her own son's father is MExican so her DS looked like Owen. So, she had a legitimate reason...you just never know.

However. That was pretty silly of the woman you encountered to say.

[ej-momtobe]

I doesn't seem as if the comment was meant to be anything other than curosity from an admirer who was trying to be friendly, but who is a little awkward at conversation. I guess I don't subscribe to the theory that someone has to go out of their way to be politically correct in order to have casual conversation. Since this was the first comment you got like this, I can see why it might have made you uncomfortable. Don't stress the little things like this and your daughter won't.

[DeeVee]

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. I got the "mixed" comment one time in Costco. I didn't know what to say -- and then the woman went on to say " oh, mine are mixed too; I was just wondering."

Some people just don't have the best social skills.

[mommytoEli]

Originally Posted by dilgra

Someone told me if it ever happens again to say that she is mixed with sugar and spice and everything nice and maybe that would shut them up! This is the first time I have had a stranger make a weird comment like that, I guess I better get some responses to stupidity prepared.

this is my favorite response!...although i would have been tempted to say something like, "alien from blargan 7."

[guatamama2]

Next time - if this EVER happens again (we would hope not), respond, "Human?" What an idiot!!!! My older (bio) son is one half Puerto Rican and I got a terrible look one time in a store when a dumb@#! said, "oh my gosh -he is beautiful, (he is) is he part Italian?" I responded that no he was Puerto Rican. You would have thought I spit in her mouth - God people are rude! Thank goodness he wasn't old enough to understand what the ignorant lady said!

[Quesita]

That is an odd comment, and I don't know how I would have responded.

You know, it is funny. I've been thinking a lot lately about how discussions of race and ethnicity have really different meanings in different contexts. Where I live in the northeast, people talk about race and ethnicity a lot. I know that in some parts of west coast, with equally diverse populations, it is almost considered rude to mention race or ethnicity.

I started thinking about this after a conversation about skin color I had with some neighbors the other day.

I ran into a neighbor, who is a very bubbly, talkative, fair skinned white woman from Brazil, who is married to a dark skinned black man from Brazil. She was chatting with some neighbors, one from Trinidad, (medium dark black man) and of South Asian (Pakistani) descent, (sort of carmel colored skin). And I'm the light skinned blond haired white lady.

I, of course, pulled out the baby pictures, and my neighbor coo'ed and said how beautiful Liana was. She then pointed at the South Asian man, and said, quite enthusiastically, "she has skin color like him!" and points to the South Asian guy. And so he looked at the picture again, and nodded and smiled and said "yes she does!" She then went on to say the she and her husband are trying to have a baby (she is very chatty ) and started pondering whether her baby's skin would be lighter or darker than my daughter's skin.

You know, in another context, it would have seemed like an odd conversation. But in that context, it felt like a nice conversation. And even since then, I have been examining the skin color of South Asian people, and I was surprised that I had not even noticed it earlier!

[Steffie]

To by honest, I do think you are over reacting. She probably didn't say it in the most eloquent manner, but she was just taking an interest in your beautiful child. I get asked this exact question ALL THE TIME. I know that it is just the asker's way of inquiring regarding my son's heritage.

[linda512]

I got this question once. My son is VERY fair skinned, has light brown hair and light brown eyes, but IS adopted from Guatemala. The only question I have gotten about him is "what is he mixed with" from someone who I think was latino. She had been playing with him before, so I did not get offended and answered truthfully. I guess it depends on how they say it and how you feel that particular day. Most of the time people assume my son is my bio son.

[jjsmom2b]

I was asked this same exact question, but it was from a young (probably around 16-17 year old) AA boy. At first, I was a little shocked by the question, and I wasn't sure how to respond. I thought of saying "with salt and vinegar" but then I realized that he was geniunely interested and wasn't trying to be offensive in the least bit. I just said "she's Guatemalan" and he said "that is so COOL She is really beautiful!"

So, even though the question wasn't asked in the best way, I know that he didn't mean any harm.

Janel

[cantwait2bmommy]

Something else to keep in mind is that people whose first language is not english sometimes ask completely innocent questions using what in their mind is a literal translation of how it is said in their first language and it comes out horribly wrong. Living in Miami and not speaking spanish myself, I always try to read body language and tone to figure out how it is being said. It sounds like it was someone trying to be complimentary but it just not coming out right.

[Wonk]

For people who are Caucasian and where they are of the dominant race, I think the easiest thing is for them to extend the privilege that comes with their race. They pretend that race doesn't matter - that somehow that it is offensive to even notice it. But it is as bad to ignore our differences as it is to assume that people are evil because they are different. Our kids look different from us. That is obvious. It isn't offensive to ask about that, not unless it is being done in a hurtful way. People are curious because it is something obvious.

I always try to be kind back to them. For the ones being nice, they deserve kindness back. For the ones being mean, being nice back totally throws them and I enjoy that too.

[dac_cincy]

I got this comment months ago at McDonald's. I was taken aback and blurted out that Aidan was Guatemalan by birth. When I got to my seat, I realized I should have said "he is mixed with love".


Love to you,