[Gia923]

Hi Everyone,
It's been so long since I posted last - Some of you may remember, my daughter came home at less than 3 months old over 2 years ago - we were very blessed. I still read everyday, although I never post, my heart is still here with you all - and I pray that all of your children come home

I have a huge dilemna - I have a family member who is adopting now from Guatemala - I was so for this adoption from the start, however now after discovering some disturbing information - I am not entirely sure this adoption should take place. I am coming here to the place I have always felt safe and asking for advice - If any of you knew that an adoption was un-ethical, what would you do ? I have found out that there were many lies when the home study was done and now someone in the family will be having criminal charges brought against them very soon.what should I do?

Peace to all
love Gia

[cbmstephanie]

Gosh I know that's a hard question when you are the one on the spot. I have determined though in all aspects of life, it is best to tell the truth and do the right thing. I don't know what the right thing in this case is...but if it's right, it's right.

[jeannecr]

First, I believe it's a crime to submit a false homestudy for your I-171h. Second, what is the best interest of this child?

[dspakowsky]

Are you able to elaborate anymore?

[connorsmommy1999]

ugh.


Well, I guess it would depend on what the specifics are.


Lies about what? (not asking for specifics, just thinking out loud) I'm trying think about what one might lie about in a homestudy....it's been almost a year since we did ours. We didnt have anything to hide but I do remember the social worker saying that almost anything big could be found out and not to lie.

when you say criminal charges against a family member...are you talking about the immediate family, in the home the child will live in?
Gosh, I never really thought about charges being filed AFTER a homestudy/USCIS clearance. Do they check again before it's over? It seems like a lot can happen in the time it takes to adopt.
actually now that I'm thinking about it I recall someone saying that 'charges' dont show up, only 'convictions'. hmmm...and I also recall being told that not all criminal convictions would exclude someone from adopting, they look at the nature of the crime, how long it's been, how things have been since then etc.

gosh, I guess it might depend on how the issues at hand would actually affect the child.

I wonder....could you call anonymously some homestudy place out of a phone book and ask them if the issues you're looking at would exclude you from adopting? I think if the answer was "yes" then you'd have to figure out whether to act on it. If the answer is "no, maybe not" then it's a whole different deal.

[GuatMommy2Be]

That is a really tough spot to be in. How close to this person are you? Are you 100% sure (and have proof) that lies were told during the HS? Are criminal charges being brought against one of the adopting parents, or say, a troubled teenage child?

[annaguat]

I have no idea but praying for you. Hugs, anna

[Gatos]

I guess one thing to consider would be how concerned you would be about this family if they were having a biological child. Is this something you feel you would have to report to protect the safety of the child? Remember, we are under an intense microscope as adoptive parents that other parents are not. The man who lives next door to me is a known member of organized crime and has six kids. Even with all his indictments, nobody has ever talked about terminating his parental rights.

[euphemie]

As others said, it really depends on the specific situation and the welfare of the child.Does it concern the prospective adoptive parents or another on the family? If it is domestic violence in the home or anything of sexual nature, probably not a good environment to bring a child into. But do remember these are charges, unless you have inside info as to the actual guilt of this person you may want to consider them innocent until proven guilty as charged.
Does their agency require post placement visits? Maybe they could do a couple extra?
Best of luck on this one

[Wonk]

I think bottom line is that you have to be concerned about the child. If the lies were about abuse or theft or drug use or corruption, I would say that those are things that should be reported. If it is the kind of thing that will make a good home, like the person is gay and if they disclosed that they wouldn't be able to adopt but they will be a great parent, or if someone has started dating a really great person but doesn't want to have to disclose that because they are in the process of adopting, then I would say pass. If it is something in the first category, I think you should first call the folks that did the home study and ask their advice. If it is the second, I would do nothing.

[becky]

If you are truly concerned, called the social worker who approved the family and share the information. The home study agency is the one who has to decide whether a family should be approved...let them handle it.

[Truthdefenders]

If the criminal charges have to do with lying on the homestudy, then just allow the truth to come out.

If the criminal activity was hidden from the homestudy agency, I would anonymously call the agency to let them know. They will know what to do with the infomation.

If the adoption is already underway and the child will likely be brought home, I would apply for foster-kinmanship (I think that's what it's called), so you could so you could care for the child while the parents work out their issues.

Sorry you're caught in the middle of an ugly mess.

[JustBarbara]

Hmmm - well, if it has anything to do with domestic violence or sexual abuse ... having a meth factory in their basement etc. anything that could harm a child I might make the call to the social worker. I'd hate to convict someone not having the facts - and until there's a conviction it is an allegation. Good luck - I sense there's something very unsavory about what this person will be charged with - just reading between the lines.

[hopeful4baby]

I agree with the idea that you have to consider the life of the child first and foremost.

Criminal charges do not necessarily mean guilt of a criminal act. This person could be acquitted or charges could be dropped. And not all crimes would render a person unfit to parent (if the person in question is even one of the prospective parents--if a sibling or other family member could matter even less).

However, I would have to wonder how equipped a family would be to accept a new child during a time so tumultuous. But there again, maybe they have an outstanding support system and the legal proceedings would not affect their ability to care for a new child.

Too many unknowns to say for sure. But ultimately, it all comes down to what's best for the child. In the event that something were to happen to you, would you trust these people to care for and raise your child? Why or why not? (Not looking for answers...just offering an approach for analysis.)

[Tamiswaiting]

I'm sorry you feel in an uncomfortable situation. I know you are being intentionally vague about the circumstances for privacy issues. At the same time, it's difficult to give advice for the same reason. The questions that jump to my mind are: How far are they into the process? What KIND of criminal charges...bounced checks? assault? robbery? (BTW, as long as the person is fingerprinted, it will show up on a background check-convicted or not). Is it a member of the immediate family (in the household) or the extended family? What did they lie about in the homestudy? (I, personally, didn't share exactly how I was disciplined as a child because I didn't want to open up a can of worms with someone who doesn't know me from Eve.) This being a family member of yours and you were all for the adoption before, you must know them well. You thought they'd make good parents? That's an important point. Did this revelation change your opinion of their parenting ability?

I'm not asking you to answer my questions on the board. I'm just trying to say that everything is not black and white. If there is something that would be harmful to the child, then that is a different story.

Good luck with your decision. I hope you can find peace with whatever you decide to do.