[Ypsitucky]

Hello my dear forum friends,

OK, I think I know what you all will say, but I just had to ask.

Like all of us, I spent years planning and saving for an adoption. I finally finished my paperwork in early September, and was told I was FIRST in line for a referral. I was thrilled. Then, last week, af ther DOS statement, my agency said sadly that it wasn't giving any more referrals. Greaet -- I go from being thrilled to feeling crushed.

Then, today, the agency called and explained that they had an unusual circumstance -- they had a 2-month old girl who had been referred to another couple, and that couple changed their mind, so this girl is now in limbo and is available.

I DON"T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!! I had already started thinking and researching Vietnam, but my heart has been set on Guatemala for years. But it is a crazy risk, and I really can't afford to lose all the money I've saved. I can only afford to adopt once.

It SEEMS like people who are 'in process' before Dec. 31, 2007 will be grandfathered in, as I read that the Hague specifically makes a statement for a 'transition period.' So even if Guatemala tries to stop cases in process, I think that eventually that legally they will have to let them go through to completion. Plus the fact that the DOS is finally now encouraging Guatemala to allow in process cases to complete is a good sign.

Part of what's pushing me is that I'm older, and single, and don't have as many options country-wise. I also speak Spanish, which is why I've been pulled to Guatemala.

I know I ultimately have to decide, but I'd really like to hear your thoughts!

thanks so much,

Elsa

[cjrogers]

aww. This is a tough one. Today we turned down a referral of a girl... a second child that we were supposed to be moving forward with.. but determined in the past weeks taht we would not feel comfortable doing this due to DOS and our agency issues...

Once you have a referral, you'll fall in love with her. It will be extremely stressful to go thru this uncertain DOS stuff.... At this point, we consider folks w/o a referral lucky...

My personal opinion would be no... to wait... but others might have other opinions. Do what you think is right.. but the future of the adoptions are totally uncertain right now....

Good luck and do keep us posted.

[Kansas-Family]

This is just my opinion. It is very, very risky right now. I am actually surprised to hear an agency would make a referral.

I am hoping we have some clarity in the next week or two...sounds like lots of meetings are occuring.

Would it be possible to have the agency "hold" the referral for you for a few weeks? Or, is there someone else waiting for the referral? Have you asked your agency about a refund policy....if the bottom would fall out of the adoption process?

Again, these are just my thoughts. My guess is any money spent at this point would just be gone if adoptions were to stop. I have never really gotten a clear answer on this from my agency.

[ej-momtobe]

I will say it. It would be totally insane to accept a referral today.

The official line from the DOS is that they expect in process cases to be disrupted on Jan 1....although they are working with the Guat government to change that. Have you read the DOS warning? It basically tells PAPs not to start now. The DOS has no control over what the Guatemalan government does (it can only try to influence.) Can you even imagine the anguish of having your case caught up in limbo, possibly never being able to bring your referred child home, money will never be returned to you, and knowing all along that the DOS was telling you not to start when you did?

If I were you, I would at least wait a couple of weeks to see if the DOS makes any progress.

[kacmom1]

I'd be afraid to make this decision....BUT...it's kind of funny how this all happened for you, how it's all worked out. Makes me wonder....

Follow your heart....

Good luck and keep us posted!

[DeeVee]

I hate to say this, but I would not accept the referral. Can you ask your agency to hold the referral for just a few weeks, to see if there's any progress in getting the Guatemalan gov't to allow in-process cases to complete? If the agency can't do that, I would switch to another country.

So sorry you have to make this agonizing decision.

[intomesee]

I empathize with your situation as I, too, am older and single. As you know, you have very few options and it is my understanding from very good sources, that singles will most likely be shut out from adopting from Guatemala in the future. If the baby already has a DNA match and your agency can move forward quickly, I would consider it. So much depends on your ability to tolerate risk and uncertainty and the possibility of losing it all with a broken heart to boot! We are all in this boat right now. I wish you the best with your decision.

[annaguat]

Since you state you need to have this happen and only have one shot at it, I would not as hard as it is. The only way I would is if they put into writing what your $ loss would be and how they would help you proceed with another country. This is so hard. We got stuck in a China shut down and when it was back up and running we could no longer adopt from there. The money was gone and it took some time to be in a position again to adopt from a different country and one we could afford to adopt from. anna

[guatparents2be]

I think if you can really really take a referral and keep in mind it may not go through, that you may lose money, and that this baby may never come home, you should do it.

This child has already been relinquished and is in need of a home. If you feel you have it in you to move forward and keep sane with the knowing that things might get difficult, IMHO go for it.

Good luck with your decision.

[RCK816]

I would not accept a referral today from Guatemala, nor do I think it is ethical for any agency at this point to still be giving referrals from Guatemala. You would have to question their motives in doing so, imho! It breaks my heart to say that because every child placed for adoption deserves a home!!! Please proceed carefully.

[Mommy2twins]

Originally Posted by RCK816

I would not accept a referral today from Guatemala, nor do I think it is ethical for any agency at this point to still be giving referrals from Guatemala. You would have to question their motives in doing so, imho!

I agree completely with this post.... it doesn't sound right to me.

[susy...patience]

I'll agree with earlier poster and your title -- it's totally, entirely, utterly insane to accept a referral today.

I lost 1 referral and am older and single, so I know how you feel (that loss had me accepting a referral after DOS's March warning) but accepting would be putting yourself in impossible situation -- both emotionally and financially.

You need to carefully read JCIS stmt -- they said no agency should refer after 10/1 and even if an agency did, no PAP should accept. I think we need to believe them.

[SKL]

I think it depends on a few things:

1) Are you willing to wait a lot longer than you originally expected, and incur a higher risk that the child may not come home?

2) Can you work out a fee / fee schedule arrangement whereby you are not out of pocket a huge amount if the adoption fails?

3) If you were told that a Guatemalan adoption could take a lot longer than the other countries you are looking at, would you still do it?

4) Does your agency's story about the failed referral ring true to you?

Personally I don't know that I could go through that. However, that may be because my expectations were always based on what was the norm for Guatemala when I applied to my agency. People pursue China adoptions even though they know from day one that they take years. People pursue domestic adoptions even though they know there is a high risk of failed placement. So I think a big part of the emotional journey is how we manage our own expectations from the beginning. If your heart is with Guatemala AND you can accept the real possibility that your case may be long and may not be completed, then perhaps it comes down to whether you can work out a fee arrangement that reduces your financial risk.

Personally, my gut tells me that they will not be ready for a big change in adoption processes by January 1, and that they will have some workable transition arrangement. But, that is just my guess and it could be totally wrong.

If the financial risk could not be worked out, OR you are not up to the emotional risk, I would pass on the referral.

It is a fair question what will happen to the child. However, I'd like to think that the attorney will place the child in some decent care situation while we wait for the resolution of the Hague issues. Then the child will be older when she comes home, but that is not the end of the world. If you are concerned about the child's well-being, you might want to make a donation to help take care of her while her future is uncertain. It would be a lot less expensive than pursuing an adoption that might fall through. Another thought - though I realize this might be impractical - would be to donate money to help the birth mom raise the child if she so desired. Again, the amount would be a lot less than the cost of an adoption.

Very tough decision you have on your hands. Good luck.

[astra]

I would not accept a referral today. I know it's hard but with all of the bleak warnings out there it seems much to risky!

[Ypsitucky]

Hello everybody,

Thank you SOO much for all your thoughtful and honest replies regarding my agonizing referral decision.

Sadly, I've decided to pass on this referral until some of the upcoming events hopefully will make the adoption situation clearer: the Presidential election on Nov. 4, the passage of some adoption legislation by the end of the legislative session on Nov. 31 (?), the 'deadline' of Jan. 1, 2008.

I don't know what I'd do without you all!

hugs,

Elsa