[rapf777]

I know I have had my share.... here are a few of what they said to me...and stumpped us with no answers to give back to them.

1. How much did she cost you?

2. Would you have taken her if she was "darker"?


I wish people would be considerate of our feelings. The first one was just recently asked too. Talk about jaw hitting the floor.

[mommytoEli]

today at the grocery store a lady asked me if these were "all " my children...i said, well these are most of my children, i have one more, and she said, "well THAT one is not yours." pointing at eli. I just said, "yes he is." nicely, and handed over my coupons. i guess that has been the BIGGEST thing with us lately, everyone thinks we are babysitting him. the funny thing is i am ENTIRELY aware he doesn't look like me, but i don't think about it everyday, so i am still a little shocked when other people notice and say something.

i've been asked about money, and why, but I still think the rudest comment i get on a regular basis is about how i am babysitting. one thing that this experience has taught me is that regardless of what the child looks like, or what the parents look like, or how old they look, ALWAYS assume they are the parents, and let them correct you.

[shelbydog]

A Mom at my son's preschool (who was about 8 months pregnant at the time with her 2nd) said "We had been thinking of adopting when we started having trouble getting pregnant, but we would have adopted an American baby." She strongly emphasized American.

[WesieMom]

While sitting at the Orthodontist with all 3 of my kids, a lady across from us cleared her throat and said, I bet she looks like her daddy? I said, EXCUSE ME? And she said, I bet your little girl looks like her daddy? I said, Not sure? I didn't sleep with him? She dropped her jaw and then quickly hung her head with a red face, as all of the people around her snickered!

[Alexismandyjr]

The question that I keep getting asked, which irritates me the most is "if you have so many of your own, why did you adopt?" I really do understand that people are curious. However, the selfish comments like "I could never do that", or "don't you have enough of your own" make me ill to my stomach. I always reply "God has blessed us with ALL of our kids and there's plenty of love to go around!"

We did go to a Tai food restaurant one week ago. I went to pick up a phone order and I took my two girls and J.R.. The lady at the counter said "why does he have a different hair color?" Now stop and think what an ignorant question that is??? I didn't ever reply! But did give her that confussed look, like why in the world would you ask me that?

[guatemama94]

1). "Oh, so you can't have children?"

2). "I wish people would adopt from home (ie the US)"

And as I was explaining the recent Hague issues to a "friend" she was so casual about it....

3)..."Oh, well maybe it isn't meant to be..."

[missylaw]

Before we brought Maya home I told my mom that I really didn't think most "questions" about the adoption/Maya's appearance being different from our own would upset me. I am happy to educate if needed......of course it only took about 3 weeks before our neighbor at a birthday party (in front of all the other neighbors and kids) said "do you really think you can love her like you do your real kids?" I about jumped her but controlled myself and answered something to the effect of "not an issue, she is one of our "real" children". Not the best answer and of course after getting home (and calling my mom to tell her I was wrong) I came up with many other answers I wish I would have said. It amazes me what people not only think but have the guts to say.

2. We don't have a good relationship with my husbands family (just started talking to them after 14 years). Every person except mom...so, dad, brother, sister, and sister all asked how much it costs. I wonder why they didn't ask what it costs in hospital bills for our other three children?

3. The other one is "so, couldn't have a girl so you had to adopt one?" Still can't come up with how to answer this one. I get this and another version "that's one way to make sure you got a girl" more often than I ever expected.

That's all for now. Now I am wound up!!!

Missy mom to 4 real kids
Zack 19,
Preston10,
Logan 7
Maya 11 mo

[jaenelle]

Well, this wasn't deliberately hurtful, I don't think, but it bothered me.

We've been using the same pediatrician since Yuna was born, and she's a year old. So yesterday we took her for her one-year checkup, and the nurse asked us, "So, is she with mom and dad?" Meaning, are you her parents?

Then, when we said yes, we were her parents, she said, "Oh, so you're her foster parents." And we were like, no, we're her PARENTS.

And she was finally like, "Oh, so you're her adoptive parents."

Which, while true, isn't how I choose to refer to myself. I am Yuna's mom, and Vince is her dad. Period.

I guess sometimes people who aren't familiar with the adoption world use language that bothers those of us that are aware of what terms are better to use.

[joelynn]

Okay...I've received all of those but my favorite of all time..."Are you grandma????"
This coming from the same folks who before told me I didn't look old enough to have a 20 something child!!!

Mom to 3 wonderful children...Grandma to none!!!

C- 20
R- 9 1/2
A- 3 1/2

[Larue]

Oh we have had them all...

“How much did she cost?”

“How dark will she be?”

“So you can't have your "own" children?”

“Why didn't you adopt from the U.S.?”

“Why did the birth mother give her up?”

“Did the birth mother get paid?”

Or comments like…

“I could never raise someone else’s kid”

“I could never have children that don’t look like me”

When we went through our homestudy and our social worker realized that I am a sort of “assertive" person. She counseled me A LOT about staying calm and not getting upset when strangers make comments or ask inappropriate questions. Or Sabrina may start to associate the fact that she is adopted with something that is upsetting to Mommy. And there is nothing more upsetting to a small child then seeing their mother upset. She said to say something like “that’s my daughter’s private life story” or “that’s a private family matter” and just walk away. Or not say anything at all and walk away. Which I do. Well, most of the time.

As for friends and family, that I know Sabrina will continue to be around, I try to enlighten them. And explain why their comment/question was insensitive or inappropriate. And that we won’t tolerate these types of remarks around our daughter. I have found that some people really don’t realize what they said was inappropriate.

One interesting thing about the “why not the U.S.?” question/comment. I have found is that some people are really saying “why not white”? And it’s really more about racism then patriotism.

[photogeek]

Originally Posted by shelbydog

"We had been thinking of adopting when we started having trouble getting pregnant, but we would have adopted an American baby." She strongly emphasized American.

Is that something like BUYING American? How rude!

[cjhf]

I had someone ask me, "Where is she from?" I told her Guatemala. She responded, "She doesn't look it, she doesn't have a squished face."

[joelynn]

Originally Posted by joelynn

Okay...I've received all of those but my favorite of all time..."Are you grandma????"
This coming from the same folks who before told me I didn't look old enough to have a 20 something child!!!

Mom to 3 wonderful children...Grandma to none!!!

C- 20
R- 9 1/2
A- 3 1/2

Oh...another favorite..."What country did you adopt from?" We did 2 domestic adoptions...both children are hispanic. Also the questions regarding their ethnic background especially my dd...she is part filipino,cc, & hispanic. She has been "claimed" by aa/cc biracial, middle eastern, to hispanic. It's funny sometimes but I'm afraid it may cause problems when she gets older because we don't know definitively about the hispanic part (bfather) but our usual response is does it matter??? We think she's beautiful regardless.

[judymend]

Originally Posted by cjhf

"She doesn't look it, she doesn't have a squished face."

My Gosh, how horrible is that! All children are angels, not squished faces, darker than, less than, a brand "American"...what horrible thoughts some have! God help them all!

[Slatond10]

Originally Posted by joelynn

Okay...I've received all of those but my favorite of all time..."Are you grandma????"

This is my favorite one too! I know age wise I am old enough to be Gma, but man that one hurts!!!