[Mindybeth6]

I am FUMING mad right now. Today was Alec's 2nd day of preschool. Let me start by saying that this preschool is *supposed* to be GREAT and we waited for MONTHS on the waiting list. Alec should have gone to Kindergarten this year but since he has been home with me and never in a daycare environment or outside the home I thought and KNEW it was best for him to go to preschool for a full year instead. He would have been the youngest in his Kindergarten class had he gone.

We get to school on Monday and the teacher makes NO EFFORT to even acknowledge the kids as they come into the classroom. IT'S THE FIRST DAY!!! I took him over to some kids playing and he was OK....but just OK. I was able to slip out and he said he had a wonderful day. I asked the teacher before I left if I could bring in cupcakes for his birthday next week and she was basically like "whatever."

So today I take him in and he does NOT want to stay. He is crying, clinging to me, begging me not to go. You have to understand...he has NOT BEEN AWAY FROM ME BEFORE. I can't help this. I have been a SAHM and I will NOT apologize for that. I realize that most kids have not had a SAHM and have been in daycare or whatever for most of their childhood...but that wasn't the case for Alec. Today the teacher made NO effort to comfort Alec, to make him feel secure in the classroom and when I sat down with him for "class opening" she seemed annoyed and then when Alec said "no mom...you CAN'T go" she said in front of the entire class and ME who is sitting RIGHT there "Alec that is not nice at all to talk to your mother that way!" WHAT!? I AM HIS MOTHER. I know he is upset because he doesn't want to me away from me. It's all new for him! His reaction is normal!!!!! Of COURSE he doesn't want me to leave. I couldn't believe that she NEVER tried to help and then of all things she said that in front ME, HIM, and ALL of his peers, who of course all turned back to look at him!

I am getting ready to graduate with my teaching degree. I have worked hundreds of hours in the classrooms and have NEVER acted that way to a child.

So do I take him out of this preschool? I am SICK right now thinking he is there with this teacher who is NOT nice and is NOT nurturing whatsoever. He NEEDS to go to preschool this year...not so much for learning...I work with him here...but for SOCIAL SKILLS. Do I look for a new preschool asap? Do I try to keep him where he is even though the teach isn't good or nurturing? This is crazy and NOT how it's supposed to be. I don't expect for one minute that the teacher should cater to him...but a little bit of love WOULDN'T HURT! She is SO cold...and then that comment set me over the edge.

Thank you for reading my long vent. I am furious. Please tell me what you would do.

[ourjourneytwo]

I don't have any experience with this, gonna be a first time mom, but I will tell you right off the bat after reading your story, I don't like this lady!.. I don't see her changing her attitude or the way she deals with children. If she is acting this way on the first day of school how is she gonna be later in the year when the kids start getting used to each other and start playing and interacting with each other, and things get a little lowd or they are all overly excited on a certain day and she is having a bad day? how will she be under those conditions? Just a thought. Like I said I have absolutely no experience with this but just my thoughts.
I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do. One thing I do know though, is always go with your gut instinct!
Robin

[lanngriffin]

Hi Mindybeth, I also have a son who has an Oct. birthday, I sent him to preschool last Fall for the first time when he was 4 3/4. I work with kids professionally and have done extensive research on preschools/schools. The absolute most important variable in a school for any child is the teacher. From them your child either feels safe emotionally and accepted and cared for or not, if not, they just go into "coping" mode. I was amazed at how many teachers I observed in early childhood education environments were burnt out and detached emotionally. Anyways, as far a models, I think you can be more flexible, as long as there are plenty of opportunities to make things with their hands and play outside, and it is isn't overly structured or academic, I think it is fine. But the feel of the teacher's energy really sets the tone. If I were you, I would ask myself whether or not the teacher could have been having an off day, but if you think it is just how she is (that comment she made to your son was shaming), I would just move on and know that something better is out there. Your son will have separation fears whereever he goes and that is hard, but when YOU trust the people you are leaving him with, then you can suport the school to him and let him know you are behind it and he will grow to feel more comfortable, but when you can trust them, you can't give your son that. Good luck. Trust your instinct.

[DPline]

Poor Alec! Is this the only teacher that teaches his age level at that school?

Just speaking from my experience with the preschool my Alec attended and that Lauren and Daniel will attend this fall, there are definetely some teachers that are much better than others. There is a three year old teacher at my kids' school that sounds much like the your Alec's teacher, and I stood in line a long time to make sure Lauren did not end up in her class. (I wouldn't have sent her there if she did get that teacher.)

Personally I would not send him back into that environment. If this is his first school experience, having it be bad could, in my opinion, really negatively impact his feelings about school for a long time to come.

I woud have a meeting with the principal/director ASAP and have him transfered to another class or find another school.

Good luck!!!

edited to add: Does your school district offer a 'Young Fives' program? My Alec did 4 year old preschool but I felt he really wasn't ready for kindergarten and would have been one of the youngest in his class, so he also did a year of 'Young Fives.' You may not have that option or may have just decided against it, but thought I would throw it out there as something to look into if you have not already.

[lzriggles]

Hey Mindybeth!

Nope, nope, no way! I would take him out of their pronto. I'm on the same road you are. My daughter, who is almost 3, will start preschool after Labor Day. She'll be going to the same school where we did a Parent/Tot class one morning a week last year. She is VERY shy however and I'm already wondering how she's going to fare when she's expected to stay by herself. She sometimes even resists being left with my parents. I know a little separation is good but she was ripped away from everything she knew at 5 months old and I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt that she could have a teensy bit of anxiety about being left. Though she might not "remember" it in the sense of a clear memory, I believe her psyche could remember it. Anyway, that was a bit of a tagent.

I've already decided that I'll do what I think is best for her...and hopefully the school will support that (i.e., staying with her until she's more comfortable, etc.) but if they weren't willing I'll be outta there...contract or no!

I know some people can rub you the wrong way at first and then once you get to know them you feel differently, but this woman shows NO signs of knowing what helps small children feel supported in new environments. You don't need Alec's first experience with "school" to be this! I'm so sorry. Trust your Mama instincts, I say. And let the school know why you're not happy!

Good luck!
Liz

[lanngriffin]

Oops, meant to say, when you "can't" trust them, you can't give your son that (last line of my post).

[Gatos]

Talk to the head of the school, but I would get him out of there. Either she goes or Alec does. You can't afford to have his first experience with school be at the hands of someone like her. What's her philosophy of education, ignore the kids until they use the word "no" and then chastise them? The school may have a nice reputation, but you can bet that she doesn't.

[AngelsMama]

Mindy,

I've taught preschool for four years and was also the director for two of those....if she is like this at the start of school it will not get much better. I have always comforted my students (ie let them sit with me at my desk, try to redirect by playing, holding them to make them feel secure) she should have at least tried to comfort him with words. If you are uncomfortable pull him.
However, she may not be cold but instead this is a very normal thing that kids go through and she may not see it as a big deal, even though it is to you. I had one preschooler that cried every day for six weeks. I literally had to pry him off of his Mom in the mornings, but within 20 mins or so he was fine and having a great time. i would tkae pics so mom could see that and not just hear it from me. I would stick it out alittle more. Like you said Alec has never been away from you. Lots of children go through this when they start daycare/preschool/ even kindergaten. Maybe Alec is also picking up on your anxiety about him starting school also. Either way do what feels right to you. if you do look for a new preschool, look for one that uses NAEYC principles like learning through play. It would probably be the best fit.

PM me if you want to talk more,
Tina

[curt'sgirl]

Mindy,
I had this experience with summer camp in July. I wanted the social experience for my child but she grabbed onto me and dragged on my leg as I left twice. I "finally" listened and pulled her out. The camp was run by two male teachers with only two girls in the entire class. It just wasn't a good fit for her and I could kick myself for keeping her there that long.
I'd remove my child and find another preschool this week. Don't look back - you have your child's best interest in mind.
Nancy

[Triton]

Mindy,

I agree with what everyone else is saying. Find a better teacher. My parents are both elementary school teachers and I taught high school before deciding to stay home with my daughter (she started parttime preschool this year also). A huge part of a teacher's job when working with young children is to be caring and nurturing, and to make them feel safe and secure in their environment. This has to be accomplished before a child can be expected to learn anything in the class. Also, independence is something that has to be TAUGHT gradually, it doesn't happen overnight, so you have to be incredibly understanding and willing to guide the child at their pace. The preschool that I take my daughter to has a procedure that they follow: either the teacher or the assistant will hug/hold a crying child for a while and comfort them, the they will try to redirect thier attention to a fun activity, if this doesn't work, the child is allowed to pull a "comfort" item from their backpack that is for emergencies only (I put a favorite stuffed bunny in my daughter's), and finally if the crying does not subside, they will ask one of the admin girls to come down and get the child and call the parent. I have to say, I have only once seen them have to use the last step at the beginning of the school year. As your child gets older, you will begin to see different styles amonst the teachers (even ones in the same school), and many equally effective in terms of teaching methods. At that time, you will need to assess the situation and determine which teacher's style would be most condusive to your child's learning. I can't tell you how many times I have heard parents say "so-and-so" is a GREAT teacher, only to have another parent find that teacher not-so-great with their child. Was the teacher showing favoritism? No, it's just that teacher's method of teaching worked better for one student than the other. You and this teacher are obviously not on the same page (which means she will NEVER teach your child in the way that you expect), so change now and save you and your son some grief. I would say that your main priority at this point should just be making sure that your child has a good (pleasant and enjoyable) experience his first year--it will set the tone for future years.

Good luck,
Triton

P.S. I would tell the administrators about why your are leaving...they should be made aware that she is not really equipped to be teaching the preschool class.

[shellydm]

That is awful. Your first experience with school sets the tone for the rest of your life, your feelings towards going to school;learning and so on. He is just learning how to interact with his peers and its not in his best interest for the teacher to embarass him in front of his peers when he just started school.

It is normal for kids to cry and be clingy at their first experience at school. I feel its up to the teacher to comfort the children with a warm and calming way to make them feel welcome and know that school is a safe and fun environment.

I would try and get him out of her class and switch teachers if you can, or switch schools if you have to.

I am still friends with my Kindergarten teacher. I was shy and cried for a few weeks. She always comforted me and eased me into the school environment by talking gently to me and distracting me with activities and so on. I can't imagine me at that age being afraid of the unknown school environment which is very natural and the teacher being cold to me, and to my mom... ughhhh

The first few days of school are always special. I always remember that special feeling where parents stay for a bit and everyone comes in smiling getting to know fellow class-mates and the teacher. Sort of like an open house. She does not seem to have the right attitude for a first and second day of school, or for that matter in general.

Sorry you are going through this, that is awful and it makes me mad and sad!

Best Wishes-

[giovanni7460]

Well I have been a SAHM since my 23 year old was born. I only worked on the weekends or nights. So they (all 5) have always been with me. I hated sending them to school. Anyway what I would do is very calmy ask for a teacher change right now. There are times when kids dont click with kids and even teachers. I hate to say that but I bealieve its true. You have a right to ask for a new teacher. Tell them that you are not happy. She does not seem to be sympathetic to your son. Kids are all different. If you want to be a teacher and you have 20 kids in a class, then you know you have 20 different personalities. He is a little boy not a little man. He needs someone to let him know that its OK and that mommys always come back. If this women cant do that for him and he is in the wrong place. Actually she is in the wrong profession. Sometimes just because we think its the best place, doesnt mean that it is the best place. The best school is a school that your son feels safe and that you feel secure in leaving him.
Patty
mom to 5 including antonio and giovanni

[annaguat]

Any wonderful school is only as good and wonderful as the teacher your child has. Doesn't sound like this teacher is all too wonderful. Hugs, Anna

[triciabn]

he ,most likely, wouldn't have been treated like that at Waldorf school.... There they work very hard to respect each child not just as a physical human but as an emotional/spiritual person.
Perhaps you could visit one in your area
http://www.waldorfworld.net/Waldorf/...d_States/Ohio/
We have had awesome experience with ours in both states that we have lived in.
be blessed.
tricia

[arthymom]

My son has been in childcare since 9 months old.

Regardless, he is always clingy after the summer and often cries or clings and says "mommy don't go" a lot at the beginning of the year. That is just his nature. Some kids go easily and others don't, regardless of how many years of schooling they have had!

Every teacher since ds was 9 months old has nurtured him and held him until I could leave, or distracted him or asked him to play with another child, etc...


I would talk to the teacher about your perception (in a gentle way...When parents come to me with a complaint and are too angry and attack my character I don't hear much...) and simulaneously set up a meeting with the headmaster to voice your concerns. If none of that works then get him out of there.

Best to you,