[bbull]

Hey all. I'm a single mommy of little Rosie who has been home 4 months.

I recently got a call that Rosie's bmom is pregnant again and it's a boy (due any day.) I postponed my answer to the agency - and even finally told them no. But - I haven't felt comfortable with that decision.
I really feel I am being called to adopt this baby.

So - I think I'm going to proceed. Am I crazy? Has anyone else done this? These children will be approximately 11 months apart. I am aware of the risks of adopting from GUA right now. Help!! How will I handle two children (mentally, financially, physically...!)Any advice from you guys? Single moms please speak up as well....

Thanks in advance.

[Clare'sMom]

I am not a single Mom so I have advice for you on that front... But If you are going with your heart and your pocket book alows it... It will be OK... How Wonderful for you!!! Congratulations to You and Your Daughter on Your Newest Famiy Member!!! Ann

[pjb1967]

Wow!

Yes, I'm single and your exact situation is one of my biggest fears. I always tell people that I do not think I will be adopting again, don't get me wrong, I would love for my Avery to have a sibling but I would hate to take on too much as a single mother. Therefore, I think one child is best for me. One of my good girlfriends always tells me she secretly hopes my agency calls some day with news like yours. I would die! How do you say no and what if it keeps happening? Deep down I'm sure, like you the thought of what I might be taking away from my daughter would be too much, I could not live w/myself knowing my daughter had a brother or sister out there and they could be together if I had just adopted him or her so I'm sure I would find a way and happly adopt the sibling. But I think I would have to tell my agency that I would be unable to live with the guilt of knowing there were any other future siblings born and would asked them not to consider me for furture adoptions.

It might sound harsh to some in asking my agency to not call after the 2nd child but electing to be single and raise a child on your own with no finacial support from anyone else is a situation that only other adopted or adopting single moms can understand.

Best of luck, I'll be watching the message board to see what you end up doing.

[AngelQT]

I am a SINGLE MOM...

YOU ARE NOT CRAZY... I never in a million years thought that this would happen to me...

Angelena and Angelo (I got to name him) are exactly 1 yr and 11 days apart. My heart told me YES, My mind and pocket book told me NO....

I went with my heart... This is a once in a lifetime chance to actually have Bio siblings... I can not concive, not because I am single but because I had a hyst. when I was 30.

Granted Angelo isn't home yet, and I have no IDEA how I will handle it... But hey... I figure - My Path has been choosen, and if it wasn't meant to be, it wouldn't have been offered.

So... I say go with your heart... If you feel you really can't do it, don't - but if your heart says to do it....

DO IT...

And if it is to late when you call the agency... Just know that you TRIED...

And be ok with your decission...

PM me if you want to talk...

HUGS

[tribonnamer]

I'm a single mom too. I already knew when adopting #1 that there was a chance I would get a similar call. I have already made the decision to accept if it happens. I have no idea how it would work out financially, etc, but feel that the opporunity will only occur if it is meant to be. ...but then I know my heart would tell me yes if it were to happen and I tend to think that we are given opportunities for a reason.

[JulieR1]

Hi - I'm single with two girls, ages three and one. I have to tell you that it can be pretty challenging with two, and I have never been so tired as I am right now. But, I truly believe that it was the right decision for me. My girls will always have each other to play with, laugh with, and will always have someone who shares their culture.

Do you have family or friends nearby to help? My parents are just five minutes away, so that is a huge help.

Please feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

Julie

[mishaac]

I'm single also - I have an 11 year old bio daughter and we are hoping to bring her sister home very soon. I wish I had done this sooner. Like the other posters, I know my girls will always have each other regardless of age difference and that is what is important to me.

[amymole36]

I am not single, but in May, we were called to tell us that our DD's birthmom had a baby girl 9 days ago and they wanted to know if we wanted to pursue her adoption as well. Our hearts said "YES" immediately...but we knew we couldn't afford it. We prayed about it and decided that we know it is what God wants us to do. How will I handle a 4 year old...and 2 girls less than a year apart??? I have no idea...but I'm up for the challenge!!!

I just couldn't tell Hannah that she had a baby sister somewhere in the US, but we couldn't afford to bring her home.

What will we do if we get that call again??? My hubby says no way...I say we'll pray and see what happens!!!

Good luck with whatever you decide. You have to do what is right for your family!

[euphemie]

JMHO-This is one of those times you should follow your heart

[mildredjohn]

I'm not a single mom...but we had the same situation and did the greatest financial effort to have them together! We got the girl first and the boy second! they are exactly 1 yr. old apart and believe me that is HARD but so HUGE to see them together playing, hugging, kissing and even fighting.

Go ahead with your heart!!!! Go and get that baby home!!!!

[RamaMama]

My situation is only a little different. My dh and I knew that our dd's birthmom was pg when we came home from Guatemala with our dd. We discussed it to death and decided that if they called, we HAD to say no due to finances. BUT when they called a month before the baby was due we didn't even need to think about it. It was an instant YES. How great is it that my kids will have each other forever???

[PackGirl]

I am not a single mom but, Ernie and Frankie are almost exactly 11 months apart and we have another son Kinney who is in the middle of both of them.

We also knew that Ernie's mom was pregnant when we were picking him up so we were prepared when Frankie was born...however we were hugely surprised when we got a phone call in the middle of July (Frankie had only been home a month) telling us that their sister was born.

The money is a huge issue....trust me..... but to us, it is worth it. We will struggle for a few years but we will have a beautiful family....and for us that is worth more than anything!

Good luck with your decision!!!

[Waiting4Celeste]

(After reading over this, I realized that my comments counter most of the other posts, but I wanted to represent our experience and offer some food for thought... )

I am not a single mom... but we faced the situation about a possible bio-sibling and it never panned out. We had a few months to mull it over before we decided no. A few months later - after her supposed due date, we heard that the agency never heard back from her. Honestly, I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

Anyway... we had decided that we probably wouldn't take the referral (who knows what would have happened if it HAD panned out and we got a confirmation that she WAS pregnant...we possibly could have had a change of heart!) but I did try feverishly to find a local family who was interested in possibly adopting the sibling so they could at least be close.

That didn't work out and the friends who were considering now have the most beautiful baby girl from Korea!!

Our paths don't always seem to make sense at the time... but in the end I agree to go with your heart as far as it will take you and if you come to what seems a dead-end, consider alternatives to try to at least keep the kids close. That dead-end may be there for a reason...

There are MANY of us who never had the opportunity to adopt a bio-sibling and because of that, other families were blessed. ex: Jacob's bio-sister was born and we didn't know about it since his birthmom placed her baby with a different agency. We were never offered her referral and she has been such a blessing to her family! AND if we would have gotten her referral, we wouldn't have Celeste!

Best wishes on your decision. I know all too well that it is a difficult one. What tipped the scales for us was when we realized that we had to make a decision based on the family we already had. I was worried that Celeste would get lost in the middle if we brought a baby home so soon after she arrived. But that worked for US... you have to go with YOUR heart. I am sure you'll make the best decision!!

[StefB]

I am a single mom (3 months today) and I'm with Pam in feeling great fear of receiving that phone call. While I would love the sibling for my daughter, I feel the one child I have is PLENTY to manage, and I'm talking emotionally, energy-wise, and of course resources-wise. I can't see how I could do it, although I know plenty do. That said, how do you say no? Maybe when my daughter is significantly older the idea won't seem so ridiculous to me. Of course, I'LL be (even) older then too.

Best of luck... I say listen to your heart. It's always worked for me.

Stefanie

[JustBarbara]

Well, this is a tough one - I completely understand wanting to have another child. And how difficult it would be to say no to a bio sib referral. As a single mom it is an even more difficult decision. DS is 17 months and has been home almost a year. Have you already been approved to adopt two children? Do you have a large support group? Would you accept the referral if it were not of a bio-sib? If not, why not? Are you going to be able to handle it financially and emotionally? For me, even if I could afford a second adoption - it is the daycare that would make it prohibitive - I have to work as my income is the only income and daycare would be mandatory. Daycare for one where I live is very expensive - daycare for two would not be feasible. If I were married I would not/could not hesitate for a second. I would say go with your heart but I would really want you to think about this very, very carefully (and I know you are - since you already said no but are now rethinking). If you do not accept the referral you know there is already a waiting line to adopt this baby. Good luck in your decision.