[dspakowsky]

Why is it that in my generation (31 years old) my friends all potty train their kids between 2 - 3 1/4. But, people in my mom's generation (she's 55) all say "kids were potty trained at 12 months in my day..."

We just started my 24 month old, and will start my youngest at 20 months (if she's ready). But my mom and MIL thinks it's crazy.

Has the mentality of potty training changed over the years? When I told my mom that some 3 year-olds aren't potty trained, she was shocked. Is it because we have it so easy with disposable diapers?

Any insight???

[dac_cincy]

I think disposable diapers are the answer.
I know that Aidan was pratically potty trainined when he come home from Guatemala 10 weeks ago, but I have let him regress just because it was causing immese amount of stress for both of us when he came home. That said, I will be starting potty training again in October. His foster mother reported that he hated feeling wet against his skin, so that he wanted to go on the potty. I put him in pretty good diapers and he is slowly losing his sense of when he is wet, so we will be going back to underwear under his diaper (someone suggested it out here as a training method) so he gets to feel the wetness again. He is very good at warning me about bowel movements, so I am not worried there.

Love to you,
Deb

[pjkay720]

My opinion is one it is easier with disposable diapers. If I had to wash and clean cloth diapers all day I would have done it sooner. Also, these days most families are a two parent working household. When I was young and my mom was young the woman's job was stay home raise the kids, cook and clean. Now mom and dad are both out in the workforce. I also think lives are way more hectic. Our parents and their parents didn't have the busy lifestyles as we do today. I think the size of families has changed to. These days if you see a family of more than 3-4 kids people think that's a big family whereas my dad was one of 7 and that was a small family. His grandfather was one of 13. Imagine having 13 little one's running around pooping and peeing in cloth diapers. LOL These are all just my opinions. Each generation changes. By the time my kids have kids they will probably hire someone to potty train their kids.

[wertygirl]

Honestly, I think it was the moms who were trained. They knew when the kids would probably need to go and usher them into the restroom. There were probably a lot more accidents that they've forgotten about since. Nowadays we know more about child development and understand that kids just don't have that kind of control until they're at least 2 or 3. About a third of the kids in my son's preschool class last year (3 year olds) weren't potty trained.

On another note, studies have shown that the later you start, the more successful you'll be. We started a little past 2 at my son's assistance and he had a lot of accidents, whereas his friends that were trained more recently picked it up quicker. Also, kids that wear cloth diapers train quicker because they don't like to feel the moisture that gets soaked up with the disposables.

Good luck!

[dianneemily]

My stepdaughter's daughter was *trained* at age 15 months, but she constantly had accidents and still does occassionally now at age 6. Basically, she was compliant about going to the potty, so they just made her sit on it every so often, so I agree that in some ways the people caring for her were trained, not really her.

I think earlier generations also used potty chairs with a lap table that basically made it impossible for the child to get up. I know that I had a hard time getting dd to just sit on the potty when she was 2. My dad always said my mom "made" us sit on the potty - I don't know how I would "make" mine sit on it.

I'm sure disposable diapers have led to parents being less pushy about training and kids being less interested since they don't feel wet, too.

I know I kind of like diapers - they cost $$, but at least you don't have to make a potty stop 2 miles down the road!

[judymend]

Hi Daphne, I agree with your mom, I think 3 years old is way late (I'm 41) and my mom (61) would think that's wayyyyyyyy too late. The sitter that takes care of Peter Jack has already begun training him and the two other boys (same age - 17 months this Wednesday for Peter Jack). He seems very ready for it, he loves to flush the toilet and doesn't seem afraid of the whole concept, we'll soon find out Anyhow, the sitter has been training the children she cares for at this same age for about 15 years now (she's in her early 50's). Don't know, I'm certainly not an expert, but 3 years old seems rather late, and if the child seems ready then I don't see why it couldn't be attempted. MHO

Blessings

[ERAmy]

We didnt even start with my oldest son until he was 3.5 yrs old. But know what, he was trained in a few days and never had any day accidents.
Our second is 2.5 yrs old and we really havent even started to train him.
I do think there are kids who are mentally and developmentally ready at an early age to potty train, my kids just werent.
If people want to think Im a lazy mother because I wont potty train my kids by the time they are 2, oh well.

[WVUMom418]

Mia will be 3 in October and just now is totally potty trained. The problem I had was that at daycare they sit each child on the potty every 45 min - 1 hour if they have to go or not. So she never needed to ask to go potty, on the weekends or evenings I didn't have time to put her on the potty every hour (and just plain didn't think about it) so we had constant accidents. The more I pressed her the more she got stressed about it. I finally just backed off and just last week she said "Mommy, I want big girl panties." She's been wearing them ever since.

[ERAmy]

Just wanted to add, my oldest did also have developmental delays for which we received special ed preschool for 2 yrs with speech and OT and at first grade is in a regular class but still gets special ed help.

You wouldnt know it by just looking at him. As a parent of a child who isnt quite "textbook normal" I get really offended when people imply they would think less of him because he isnt quite meeting the developmental "standards" they have in their own minds.

[Mindybeth6]

We started Alec at three years old because that was when HE showed signs of being ready and I wasn't going to push it. I wanted him to feel comfortable with it. He pee trained in three days flat, never has wet the bed, nothing. He didn't POOP train until 6 months later because he had some constipation issues that were making it uncomfortable to "go" on the toilet. We also did not use a training potty...we used the REAL thing. Once we got the constipation under control with help from the DR, and it no tlonget hurt him to go poopy, he trained 100% at nearly 4 years old. Late....I don't know. I honestly don't really care. I let him train on HIS schedule plus I am a SAHM so I didn't have to worry about preschool and what not making him be potty-trained which a lot of them now do. I think it's all just a when they are ready do it thing. Another thing where I don't think there is a right or wrong way to go.
Hugs

[DPline]

Originally Posted by wertygirl

Honestly, I think it was the moms who were trained. They knew when the kids would probably need to go and usher them into the restroom. There were probably a lot more accidents that they've forgotten about since. Nowadays we know more about child development and understand that kids just don't have that kind of control until they're at least 2 or 3. About a third of the kids in my son's preschool class last year (3 year olds) weren't potty trained.

On another note, studies have shown that the later you start, the more successful you'll be. We started a little past 2 at my son's assistance and he had a lot of accidents, whereas his friends that were trained more recently picked it up quicker. Also, kids that wear cloth diapers train quicker because they don't like to feel the moisture that gets soaked up with the disposables.

Good luck!

I think, in addition to the difference between using disposable and cloth diapers that you have hit on another big factor. I am sure my children would have been trained earlier - or I would have been! - if I had been motivated to pop them on the potty at regular intervals and keep them there until they went. If you want to call that being trained. That fit neither my personality or our lifestyle. We are out and about to much. My kids take classes, we belong to a pool club, we get together with friends at the park. We just aren't home like my mother and grandmother were.

I also think that training at 3-4 years old is MUCH more common than we are all lead to believe. (As is bed wetting, but I won't go off on the tangent!) We latch onto the 'my child trained at 15 months old in only 2 days' stories, and overlook a lot of the rest. My boys were both 3.5 years old and trained in just a couple days. I started with my daughter at 2.5 and it took over a month to get the peeing down, and now, a year later, we still have poop issues. I tired every method, bribe, you name it, anyone had every thought of to get my older son trained. And in the end, he trained when he was ready. And I had 100 more gray hairs to show for the experience. With my younger two, I have been much more laid back about it. Even my stubborn DD will not go to college (or probably even kindergarten) not potty trained.

[Betelnut]

Yes, there is a difference in the generations. Children in the 50's were toilet trained much earlier. My sisters and I were both toilet trained by 18 months.

I think the disposable diaper has changed a lot of things.

I know that once I get Iva (hopefully soon) she will be about 15-16 months (or older) and I'm going to start training her right away.

Why wait until they are in their "terrible twos" to start? That's when they are most likely to kick up a fuss!

[Guatemom]

Agreeing with the other posters--my mom was always on me about Connor, too. I didn't start potty training him until we was a little over 2 yrs old, and only b/c he showed signs of being ready (wanting to wear big boy undies like his cousin, who was 3 1/2; wanting to watch us go potty, esp. DH; and wanting the diaper OFF ASAP b/c it was suddenly "ucky")--so we let him lead the way as far as being 'ready.' Which, again, my mom to this day thinks is awful. But, we've had a lot of success. Now, at 3, he's doing fantastic. He only has accidents on occasions, but mostly just "dribble" as he calls it or b/c he doesn't stop playing soon enough to get to the potty. I say don't push it; if you do, you might do more harm than good. As for the differences in generation gap--geez, sometimes it's more like a canyon.

[JustBarbara]

Ah - so many variables in the mix. I cannot imagine being a toddler and wearing a HEAVY soiled cloth diaper for long. You'll find kids who were potty trained at 9 months, walking at 10 months, speaking in sentences at 12 months etc. etc. I think part of it is a generational thing. If you have twins they may be a little delayed. I cannot imagine DS wearing diapers at 4. But my special needs sister WAS wearing diapers until she was about six so there are certain variables.

[crick]

I think it's a combination of things with increase in technology, change in family dyamics, more time spent out of the home as opposed to before, more knowledge of child development etc.

It's kind of funny though because any time someone would tell me that my youngest son needed to hurry up his potty training (he was 3.5) I would remind them that back then, they thought giving kids whiskey for teething was good or only going to school til 8th grade was good too.

Things change over time and you do what's right for you!