[Hopeadopt]

I have something to admit and so I decided to do it here, where maybe someone else understands how I feel.

Since I started the adoption process, I just feel really uncomfortable going to Church. I live in a small area, with only 3 Churches. It took me a while to find that this Church is the right one. The people are warm and kind and haven't done anything wrong! But, I admit, when I go, I look around and see all these happy families with 4 and 5 kids bio kids, stay at home mom's, happy happy families. I'm not jealous in the sense I am really happy as a single and I want to adopt, but it all seems soo hard. There are no other adoptive families in the Church and actually in my area I asked at the adoptive families support group and none go to Church, so no one could recommend a Church either.

I don't want to feel like this. I am a Christian, and I want my kids raised Christian, but I look around at Church and truly some weeks I cry!!! So, I haven't been in a month...I am mad with myself about this. I have tried to broach the subject twice with the pastor about my adoption, but he is busy as he and his wife just had their fourth baby. I don't want to feel like this!

Has anyone else felt upset at Church? Any ideas as to what I can do to stop feeling like this?

[wildboyz2]

I don't know how you feel but sending ((hugs)) your way. I also live in rural area with international adoption not being the norm but my church has embraced our adoption. Maybe if you share with some your church members they might step up and surprise you?? That is my only suggestion. I hope that you find the peace that you are looking for.

[dspakowsky]

I'm in a somewhat simular situation...

We've been going to the same church for 3+ years, but ever since my husband deployed I can't go. When I do, I look around at all the happy couples holding hands and sitting together as a family and I start to cry. My husband is in Iraq and I get so sad that he's not by my side. Pathetic, I know. I just don't know how to get over it. After all these years, I do have the family I dreamed of (two beautiful daughetrs), but now my husband is not here. So, I listen to sermons on-line.

[my2guatgirls]

I am sorry you are feeling this way. It is very hard sometimes. I am reading this on Sunday morning, so guess where we aren't this morning???

Gather up your courage and talk to some people. Your church family is there to support you. You may be surprised to find out that some of the "bio" kids you see, aren't really bio kids after all. My daughter's soccer coach from last year has 8 kids total. They all look very similar to each other. Recently, their oldest daughter was babysitting for us and when I was driving her home I was complaining about some paperwork hang-ups we were having with our ds. She could relate because 2 of her siblings are adopted! I was so shocked. They adopted a dd from Russia several years ago and when the daughter could speak english they realized she was asking for her dear friend from the orphanage. Guess what? They adopted him too.

Praying that you find some peace and that your church family wraps their arms around you in support.

[fochtru]

I had a very similar experience this year. I go to a very large church (2500 families) and last summer, I looked around and thought, "other than the three chinese girls, there are no kids of color in this church. I don't want my son to grow up in a church with all 'white' kids". I started looking around. I visited several churches and didn't like any of them. I decided that I was already going through enough changes and I would go back to my church until Andrew was about 2 and started noticing differences, then I would switch. While I was at Church one morning, I asked one of the pastors about kids 'of color'. He said, "Do I have a group for you." He took me to an adult Sunday School class and introduced me to several couples--all of whom had adopted domestically and internationally. There is even one couple who adopted from Guat. They took me to the nursery and it was beautiful!! There were kids of every color in there.
I realize that you are in a small church, so there probably isn't some 'hidden class' that you don't know about. But I agree with the other posters---start asking around. You may be very surprised by what you find. Besides, someone always has to be 'the first'. Why not you??? You may open the eyes of other people who have thought about international adoption, but have not done it yet.

[JillnChris]

Have I felt upset at church? Absolutley. I am a Christian and I am liberal. But since I have moved to Arizona I am having a really hard time finding a church that respects that and does not try to push their political views on people. Before I moved here I had a WONDERFUL church that I loved so now I have really high expectations. Especially now that we are adopting because I really want to find one that is more diverse. So, you are not alone. Hope things work out for you.

[mommywannabee]

I think I know how you are feeling. There are times when I've been in church and I feel like an outcast because I'm alone because my husband doesn't go with me and I look around at the happy couples and I feel uncomfortable. It's like you stand out because you are different - or an "oddball" - I don't mean that to come across as rude...it's just how I feel myself once in a while. When I start to feel that way, I just pray - because this is where God wants me to be and this is how my life was meant to be...it's hard at times and I understand...

I also think you are going to have a hard time in a small church, but if you really like the church than I think you should stay and see how things go...maybe you'll find that you're happy there and things will work out.

We'll be praying for you!

[cjrogers]

We totally feel this way... and we haven't brought any children home yet. We are somewhat traditional, but have looked into churches (we're catholic) that are a little more modern... or progressive. You might have to travel for a little bit, but no doubt there are progressive christian churches within a decent travelling time for you. Church is supposed to be a safe place... and a place of learning about God, Jesus, faith etc ..... we should definitely find churches that we feel we can relate to other members and that embrace our "different" family...

Maybe your current church does embrace you.. but if you don't feel "right", try a different one. I know that Methodist and Baptist churches often have more progressive communities... usually in bigger cities or towns, though.

[5family]

This past week has been the hardest one since we began this amazing journey and at the same time this week has been one where God has taught us the most. One of the many things that God taught us this week is that the very things we think are awful right now, very often turn out to be a great blessing. With difficulties.....Grows Miracles

As we approach the end of this adoption we can tell how it gets much harder to actually see the end coming. Praise the Lord that the finish line is within reach! All week long God has pointed us to this one verse Psalms 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God.” As God holds us in this refining fire we can do little more then be still and know that he in working all things out for the good of his children. I just want to encourage you to go to church and praise him for all that he has done and for the fact that he is going to bring home your child at the perfect moment. Below is a devotional that we received this past week. Hope that encourages you all.

Title: When Do We Praise

Author: Mrs. Charles E. Cowman
Source: Streams in the Desert
Scripture Reference: John 11:41
"And Jesus lifted up his eyes, and said, Father, I thank thee that thou hast heard me" (John 11:41).

This is a very strange and unusual order. Lazarus is still in the grave, and the thanksgiving precedes the miracle of resurrection. I thought that the thanksgiving would have risen when the great deed had been wrought, and Lazarus was restored to life again. But Jesus gives thanks for what He is about to receive. The gratitude breaks forth before the bounty has arrived, in the assurance that it is certainly on the way. The song of victory is sung before the battle has been fought. It is the sower who is singing the song of the harvest home. It is thanksgiving before the miracle!

Who thinks of announcing a victory-psalm when the crusaders are just starting out for the field? Where can we hear the grateful song for the answer which has not yet been received? And after all, there is nothing strange or forced, or unreasonable in the Master's order. Praise is really the most vital preparatory ministry to the working of the miracles. Miracles are wrought by spiritual power. Spiritual power is always proportioned to our faith.--Dr. Jowett

PRAISE CHANGES THINGS

Nothing so pleases God in connection with our prayer as our praise, and nothing so blesses the man who prays as the praise which he offers. I got a great blessing once in China in this connection. I had received bad and sad news from home, and deep shadows had covered my soul. I prayed, but the darkness did not vanish. I summoned myself to endure, but the darkness only deepened. Just then I went to an inland station and saw on the wall of the mission home these words: "Try Thanksgiving." I did, and in a moment every shadow was gone, not to return. Yes, the Psalmist was right, "It is a good thing to give thanks unto the Lord."--Rev. Henry W. Frost

[Quesita]

Shouldn't your place of worship be somewhere that feeds your spirit?

I wouldn't adjust my lifestyle and values to conform with an institution. You know the values that are important to you and your family. Find the right environment where those values will grow and flourish.

[Truthdefenders]

I'm sorry you're struggling with this. Please try to remember that all those "picture perfect" families have hard stuff going on in their lives too. Even though they may not share your exact struggle, they have probably been in some situations that you can relate to.

We live in the suburbs with millions of churches to choose from, but we have chosen a small church that has become our family. We are the only homeschoolers. We are the only adoptive family. But God causes people who are not like us to be our support system. And when He does that, it is an awesome thing to watch.

I understand the feelings you're having, and it's pretty common. Try to push past the feelings of "I don't fit in" and get to know some of the folks in the pews. I think you will be surprised at how much you do have in common.

[annaguat]

I am sorry you are having a hard time. Is there an elder or other pastor at your church, that is not so busy with a new baby, that you could talk to? I know I always recieved so much support from our church. I would hate for you to miss out on that. One thing to think about too is that eventhough these people might not have adopted they are most likely very supportive. They will be the parents from your child's friends. I found at most churches we attended while our children came home that people really wanted to be part of the adoption by prayer and other support. Many people are very supportive of adoption and they are blessed by supporting others in process. If you belong to a small group you could share about your adoption journey by asking for prayer support. I hope things will come together soon. Anna

[SaraAvaandLileesMama]

I do not want you to take offense to this in any way!!! I am only saying this because I went through something that made me not want to go to church either last year. But Satan wants to put bad thoughts and self pity into you heart, mind to stop going to church. I had to find that out the hard way. My DH showed me this. It was taking so long with our 1st adoption (Ithought, worse this 2nd adoption.) and people keep asking me and asking me Have we heard anything, what going on, this is taking soo long! I would get so depressed I tried to avoid eveyone i knew. I start feeling sorry for myself saying I can't go to church today because I don't wantpeople to ask me and make me think about it. But then one day DH said people do not know how to act or really what to say because we are the first to adopt in our church too. Then he said wouldn't you be even more upset if no one asked or even cared about this adoption. So then I sat down and thought really hard. YEAh ! He was right. I would be! Then he said Satan is just trying to get into your head right now because he doesn't want you going to church. Even more so to pray for this adoption and get everyone else aware of adoption. So then I told myself go and Pray and ask for prayer!! It started making feel sooo much better and helped our process too! Now I know this is nothing to do with your situation, but right now Satan does not want you going to church and especially praying. YOu may also touch another families heart toward adopting!!! But I will pray for you and that God may bring you a family too. You are already starting one!!! Good Luck. Please do not think I am judging you I am not!It just reminded me of me when I went through that last year. Adopting is from God not the Devil. THere are so many scriptures in the Bible about the Orphans and taking care of them I think the Devil just fights us tooth and nail over adoption.!

[SaraAvaandLileesMama]

OH BTW.... I got through these adoptions by going a ladies bible study!!! IT soooo feeds my soul and they are so supportive of me! None of them have ever adopted but some of them are thinking about it now!!!