[jennynabee]

Just checking to see if anyone else out there feels this way or if anyone can make me feel better. I changed my daughter name and kept her original first name as a middle name. I did however, give her my mother's first name as her first middle name. So her original name is her second middle name. I have thought about changing it and having my mom's name her 2nd middle name, but I think it would devastate my mom (and when I mentioned it my mom sounded so hurt)! She is an amazing grandmother and she adores my children so so much and my children adore her. She is very involved in their lives. However, everytime I see paperwork with my daughter's "original" name on it I feel so so guilty as if by changing her name I have dismissed her past, her heritage, her birth mom. Friends tell me this is crazy because I kept her name as a middle name...is this crazy? I just have this nagging feeling that she is going to be hurt that I changed her name when she is older. I don't know who named her--birth mother or attorney--but her original name was the same as her mother's.

Hoping someone out there can provide me with a smidge of peace about this. Thanks!!

[purplecat]

Follow your heart,we changed our daughter's name and have no regrets at all.




Cathy

[Niclayson]

I wouldn't be concerned about the "order" of the names...you still kept the name!

Treyson's name was Nicholas. We changed his name because our daughter's name is Nicole and we thought it would be confusing to have 2 Nic's in the house. I do know that he was named by the attorney's office staff...but I still have some guilt that I changed his name at all!!! I feel silly about it but I know what you are saying...I feel like I took "something" away when I changed his name. But I did make his birthmom's name his middle name.

[Mindybeth6]

To say that I had no guilt at all would be a lie and we didn't keep ANY of her birthname. It has nothing to do with not respecting whoever names her, not sure if the mother or the attorney did, it just has more to do with the fact that My husband and I felt that we wanted to name her, because she is our daughter. We had her name picked out for years and years...far before we every knew that she would come to us through aoption. It would have felt more wrong to me to give up the name that we had chosen for our daughter and spent time thinking about and loving. I do think if Mikayla's birthname a lot and when we did the readoption and if was officially "gone" so to speak..it was sad to me. But I love her name and she IS a Mikayla and there are plenty of other ways to respect her culture and past besides her name:-)
Hugs

[mommytoEli]

I had a tinge of regret when I changed my last 2 kids names. I find peace knowing that when they are 18, they can change their own name and be whomever they choose.....thieir original name, or something completely new. Plus....Eli will never cease being Estuardo just b/c I changed his name on paper. And we talk about "Estuardo" all the time, so it is not like he will not know. We went to Nordstroms the other day, and a lady asked what the kids' names were, and my 4 year old told her all their names now, and all their previous names....it was funny. If I could go back in time, I would keep their 2 first names as a middle name, but I didn't.
Anyway...your feeling is normal. If you can't get over it, you can always pay the name changed fee and change it again.

[JustBarbara]

Jenny - please do not feel guilty about changing your daughter's name and I would keep it as you now have it. You are home with your daughter and I'm sure there'll be plenty of other things to feel guilty about ie if you have to work outside the home and send to daycare, if you can't sign her up for THE camp she wants when she's older, if you can't afford to buy her THE toy of the season etc. etc. All you need to do is love her, take care of her and make sure she is as healthy and happy as she can be - give her your unconditional love and she will be fine. You have not dismissed her past - I have changed DS's name to the English version of his Spanish name because I have named him after my brother and grandfather. His middle name is my father's first name. And I am teaching him Spanish and he WILL know exactly where he came from and will learn about his heritage. Please - again - do not feel guilty about the name change. Your mom sounds like a wonderful grandmother!

[pjkay720]

I changed my sons name and plan on changing our sons name whom we are currently in process of adopting. I don't have regrets. I agree with MommytoEli that when my kids turn 18 they can change their names back or to whatever they like. It's up to them. I wanted to pick out my children's name. I always try to put myself, as hard as it is, in the birth mom's shoes and think if I had to for some reason give my child up for adoption what would I want. Being a mom I would want the mother who is going to raise my biological child to raise that child as their own and make the child apart of their family. I would always know my child by the name I gave them. I gave both my sons their grandfathers names as their middle names. I think by doing that I've given them ties to their new family and their forever family. I hope and pray that my sons someday see it that way.

My son adores his pop pop and I hope that someday he is proud to have his name just as proud as I was in giving it to him. These are all just my thoughts and opinions.

[mom2noahymariana]

Jenny~

If it helps any....my daughter who is now 7 (referred at 6) changed her birth name after she found out that she was getting a new family. ALL by herself! NOT a name that I would have chosen, but it fits her. I bet that if your baby had a choice, she would also choose to change it.

[JillnChris]

YES, I totally feel the same way. When we told her FM what we were changing her name to I felt SOOO horrible. Like I was just completley dismissing her birth-mom's wishes. BUT I also think it is important that she have a name that we actually like? We had decided on the name Evangeline before we even got her referal and we are keeping her bmom's middle name as her middle name. So I feel like we are still honering her and at the same time giving her a name that means something to us. I think it is hard with international adoption because we don't know what the significance of the name has if any. We don't even really know if her birthmom named her.

[linda512]

I changed my son's name and feel a little guilty that I did not keep any part of his name. But his name was given to him by the agency and was not a spanish (or guatemalan) name and would he would have been made fun of for it. I always wanted to use the name I gave him and his middle name is for my grandfather.
So, a tiny bit of guilt, but mostly just joy and happiness.

[Guatemom]

Hi, there.

With our first son, Connor, we struggled very much with how much to keep of his birth name. We ended up only keeping his first birthname as his new middle name. But not b/c we struggled with feelings of 'taking away' or anything, but rather very simply--b/c we disagreed over the name itself! I got a LOT of slack over not keeping his middle birth name as his new middle-middle name, but at some point I pulled rank and explained to all well-meaning family (including DH) that I am his mother. That's it--ME. I am his mother and this is the name I have chosen for him. I felt as if I'd I'd already missed out & contributed nothing to his birth, and perhaps by selecting his new name was a way for me to become part of his beginnings. And, as such, I chose a part of his birth name to remain as part of his new name--and again, this was my way of 1)showing respect to his birthmother and 2)combining my new name with his birth name to form an integrated name that reflected his integrated beginnings. Clear as mud? I don't at all feel I've taken anything from him. In fact, had I kept his full birth name, I dread to think of the teasing he would have endured because, altho beautiful in Espanol, it is not pronounced the same here, and the pronunciation here is, well--nicely put--NOT a normal 'boy' name. So that is the one I chose to leave behind. And symbolically, Connor did leave that behind. And he started a new life--with us. Altho he'll always have part of that with him (hence part of his birthname, etc. to reflect that)

This is just me, my 2 cents. Hope it helps some

[CEB]

Not really. We changed DS' english name completely to name him after one of each of our grandparents who are no longer with us. Its a family tradition to name children after close relatives who have passed on and I want DS to be part of our family tradition. We did consider keeping his birth first name as a second middle name but instead decided that because his birthname is biblical, we will use it as his hebrew name and we are having a nice naming ceremony for that. I am confident he will know his birthname and, more importantly, his heritage.

[Kaz99]

I agree with Mindybeth's posting.
We always want to name our son after DH and that is what we did.
Our daughter will have a family name as well.

We want our children to feel that they are a part of our family and what better way than to pick out special name that has meaning to you and your family.

We are hoping our children will take their birth names as their confirmation names (we are catholic) but it is their choice.

We have tons of Guatemala items in each of their rooms and a dedicated wall to their heritage in our living room complete with a huge oil painting my dad did depicting a scene from Guatemala. We get so many compliments on how we are keeping ties with Guatemala.

Like someone said, we aren't even sure our children were named by the birth mother so why should we keep a name that may mean nothing to nobody. At least now we know their names have a personal meaning.

Don't beat yourself up over it, just love them....thats all they really want !!

-Randi

[charliebrown1894]

We changed our daughter's name and have said that if she wants to change it at some point (after a lot of heart to heart discussion - changing one's name is not a light matter), we will help her do that, by filing and paying for the name change. My husband has no guilt, but I have to admit, I do sometimes wish we'd kept part of her birth name somewhere. But, alas, I'm wiser now and I can't go back. So - we've settled the guilt that way. If, at some point she hates us for it and we do help her change her name, I will also make every effort to help people understand her decision and claim some responsibility.

Peace,
CB

[cjrogers]

We are changing our son's name to Cole and keeping his spanish name as a 2nd middle name. I feel slightly guilty... but I don't know where his name came from.. the agency, the attorney??!! We just don't know...

Go with your heart on this one....