[kare4you]

I don't even know how to describe how horrible things feel to me right now. My father killed himself May 3rd. I have been trying to deal with this and things have gotten much worse. My MIL and FIL came into town. They were scheduled to come in for my BIL graduation and came in early to be there for us. My MIL got into a huge fight with my BIL and disowned him and came to stay with us (YIPPEEE). It was the first time she has seen my son (she did not want to come when my FIL came in Feb.). I have not felt like doing much, but I invited them to come to the zoo with my son and I. We got there and my MIL tells me she hates zoos and her legs are tired from walking!!! She knew we were going to the zoo. I got a call to go pick up my father's last paycheck...my mom just couldn't do it, so my FIL asked me if I needed them to watch Drew and my MIL said that they didn't have time! Finally, on Wed. my MIL was ranting about some issues in her life and I participated and kind of ignored some of it (my head is obviously somewhere else). My husband got home from work and away from me asked her to cool it a little and talk about some lighter things (which is why I love my DH) and she started crying and telling him that she has stress and no one cares about her. Then she comes upstairs (where I know nothing that has happened) and starts very accusingly telling me that she is sorry she is such an imposition and that obviously her problems mean nothing to us. So, my husband pulled me aside and told me what happened and we went to dinner. We got home from dinner and I could tell DH was very upset, so I volunteered to go talk to her and explain that he was just looking out for me (BIG MISTAKE). She started yelling at me that she had never liked me since she had met me and that I was grieving too much for my dad. She said that my grieving was interfering with DH interacting with his family. She said that she has never been comfortable around me and that I keep my DH from his family. I participate in all of his family gatherings and they are the ones who decided to move to another state and not be at them. Needlessly, to say I was very upset and they left very "self rightiously" the next morning (my DH and I called in sick to work to try to handle things). I did not come out of our room, but my MIL had some parting shots for my DH...she is never coming back and my FIL is embarrassed at how my DH was grieving for my dad because it belittles the relationship b/w DH and FIL (which I am sure my FIL never said). I am now totally exhausted and don't know what to do. My DH has been upset b/c our son has lost 2 Pawpaw's in 2 weeks. She is now talking trash about me to the rest of the family and went straight from our house to my BIL to disown him again to. Apparently, no one is listening and we all think that she has psych issues, but what do I do now? I miss my Dad so much and I do not want my husband to lose his family, but I cannot deal with this now. I feel guilty about my dad (which is normal) and now I also feel guilty that I have ruined my DH's family life. UGH!!! Wake me up when May has ended. My son has been wonderful through all of this, but I hope he knows how wonderful my dad was and never has to deal with this "stuff" my MIL has caused. I could use some prayers.
Karen

[Dulcey]

Karen,
Great BIG Hugs to You!! I am so sorry you have all of this going on! I am so sorry about your Father. I hope all starts to calm down. It sounds like you have a wonderful husband!!! Your MIL sounds like she wants some attention.....WELL she came to the WRONG place at the WRONG time. Does she not have some compassion for your loss? Prayers and warms thoughts are being sent your way!!!

[myguatbabes]

OMGosh!!! I am soooo sorry all this is happening. My dad almost committed suicide a few months ago and thankfully we were able to get him professional help before tragedy struck. Of course, you know it wasn't your fault, but I think your MIL may be having serious mentall health issues of her own. With the fragile mental state of your family at the present time, I would simply let it go with MIL for a while. You are truly blessed to have a DH that is so supportive and obviously loves you so much, but he is grieving too and if your MIL can't understand that then she should seek professional help for herself. Unfortunately, we can not force those who need it to accept help unless they become a danger to themselves or others, so maybe your FIL will be able to convince her to get help. In a few weeks or months, however long it takes for you and your DH to feel up to coping with it, you might want to consider talking to FIL on the phone and suggesting that your MIL may be in some sort of crisis of her own and need some help dealing with it. In the meantime, try not to let it upset you and worry you. You have enough to deal with!! Sending many (((hugs))) and lots of prayers your way.

God Bless

[wertygirl]

I'm so sorry for your loss. What a full plate you have! Your MIL is being very insensitive. It does sound like she needs help. Try and ignore her as much as you're able and take the time you need for yourself right now. I hope that you can find some peace to grieve in the turmoil that she has tried to stir up.

[CurlysGirly]

Karen, my heart is breaking for you right now for the loss of your dad. I'm so sorry for your loss.

My mom acts like that a lot of times. I notice that it happens more when there is crisis or a big life changing event and the attention isn't on her. It is such a bad feeling, the guilt. I do agree you should just try talking to your FIL on the phone when she is not around. Chances are pretty good that he see's what she is doing too.

I am so glad to hear that your DH is such a rock for you. Most of us with "drama queens" in our life usually tend to be more nuturing in spite of it.

Hugs to you

[Mindybeth6]

Oh honey...I am so sorry for what you are going through. I just cannot imagine how you are feeling and I just teared up reading your post. It is so very unfair of your MIL to act the way she has been acting. TOTALLY unfair. PLease know that you have done NOTHING wrong. I am praying for you and your family and please know that if you ever, EVER need to talk I am here.
Many Hugs

[louiemtp]

Karen,

I'm so sorry to hear of your difficulties. Adopting a little one comes with enough of it's own stress and you don't need more. Your In Laws sound very demeaning and self centered and don't seem to give a **** about you or your family. It sounds like your husband needs to exert some reverse tough love against his parents and tell them bye bye for a while. I lost my dad to cancer, in February ,the day after we came home from Guatemala with our little Macey and I too have been trying to deal with losing him and being a new dad. The only thing getting me through was my wonderful wife and our new precious gift. The only advice that I can give to you is just concentrate on your son and yourselves as a family because when it comes down to it that is what's most important.

Richard ( Daddy to Macey)

[devildogwife]

First of all, I'm so sorry for the loss of your father.

Second of all, you are NOT ruining your DH's relationship with his family like you said. It sounds like your MIL is doing a pretty amazing job of that all on her own. Don't blame yourself for something that is not one bit your fault. Now is not the time to pile a bigger burden onto yourself.

Again, so sorry for your loss. Grief is such a process and a lot of people don't understand that.

[annelisa]

I, too, am so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is so hard, and your fathers' situation makes it even more so. Grieving is such a long, difficult process.......I can't begin to imagine what the hec you MIL was/is thinking in her behavior and self-centeredness. She sounds like she has some major emotional problems. I am sure what she said to you hurt like crazy, not to mention her bizarre actions. But, I encourage you to let the situation with her go on the back burner for now. First of all, you have enough on your plate and you really don't need to resolve your issues with her right now. Secondly, she is the one that owes you a huge apology and I think she needs to get some of her problems worked out before you talk with her again. Unfortunately, there are some "toxic" people out there who only think of themselves and who, for whatever reason, like to stir up trouble. YOU ARE NOT the cause of your hubby's extended family problems; I hope you realize that!
Please allow yourself to take this time for YOU; to do what you need to do to get through this terrible loss.
Praying that God will give you strength and rest.
Blessings.........

[JosieWales]

Karen, I don't have anything to say past what the previous posters have already said beautifully...but you are in my prayers.I am so sorry for the loss of your father.

[susy...patience]

All I can say is I'm so sorry....

[carlyincali]

{{{Karen}}}
I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this now. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. My sincere condolences go out to you with the loss of your dad.

[candkss]

I am so sorry for this so UN NEEDED family drama you are having to deal with...how selfish of your MIL...YOu take all the time you need to greive the loss of your Dad and to HECK with her...we went through a similar thing with my inlaws and I am so sad because Kya lost a Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt and 2 cousins...but the Drama ENDED!!! HUgs

[amyfk]

Wow! So sorry you are dealing with such difficult things. Death of a parent is always tragic, it's even more tragic when it's unplanned and by a suicide. Folks always try to second guess if they saw the signs and if they could have prevented it from taking place. Im sure youre just beginning a large grieving process which will take time. IF you even find that you have a hard time with the issues, seek professional help.
As for your mother-in-law I am shocked at her behavior. You would think that by this age she would realize that you and your family are absolutely devastated by your dad's death. She should be asking what she can to do help you, instead of focusing on her petty needs.
I am sure that other family members will get the message loud and clear that the issues lie with her and not with you. I would not feel guilty about her a whit. If you find that she's eating away at you, I would even take a separation from her, whether it's temporary or permanent.
My condolences to you and your family,
Amy K, NJ

[pippac]

I'm so sorry about your loss. Take your time to recover...in-law problems are not as important as looking out for yourself and you immediate family, IMHO.