[Guatemom]

The staff here at my company (there's only 28 of us in this office) is constantly passing around fundraisers for their kids' school things, church things, etc. So I approached my boss TWO days ago via email and told her about our beginning the adoption process for #2, etc., and I asked if it would be alright to pass around things to the staff to let them know what's going on with whatever fundraiser of ours might be going on (we're doing several over time). I finally got her response--and it was a big fat NO. She said 'due to the particular subjective and impracticality of the content', I'm so confused. SHE'S EVEN BROUGHT THINGS IN FOR HER SON TO SELL!!! Ugh, I even am setting up a separate checking account so that any donations vs. exp's can be easily monitored and viewed by anyone that donates or is interested to see where the $$ is going. And with everyone else's things going on, I feel like I've been hushed; I'm the only adoptive parent here, so no one has a clue what we're going thru. I just feel so slighted. Am I being too sensitive? I am so upset I'm nauseous and shaking. I think of all the times I've bought things from my coworkers b/c I'm such a sucker for 'causes', esp. kids'. Then here I am trying to bring a child HOME, but NOOOOO. Thanks for listening...I just want to crawl under my desk...

[tinaedmond]

I'm really sorry you're having to put up with this. Can you go talk to someone in HR about it? Or if you have company Legal counsel on site, talk to them?

The circumstances are different, but similar, and it could constitute discrimination.

Tina

[jaymo]

Oh Melanie!
I am so sorry to hear that your boss is a DOLT (This is my favorite word )! Perhaps going in and sitting with her and explaining what is involved ---> bring the list of fees etc, she will have a different tune ... OR you can be mean and threaten a suit because she is discriminating (not sure if that is true but it sounds good, right?) because fundraising for a school is not much different from raising money to better a child's life .... take that angle ---> all for the betterment of children.
Sorry! So, so sorry! :hugs:
Maura.

[iuando]

I would be quick to tell ANYONE selling/solicitating funds that they needed to stop. I would pass out my fliers to anyone that I thought of as a possible donor and not worry about it. But I am a little pushy! Ü

[momfrommn]

Wow, I am sorry about this! I would go to HR and tell them you expect ALL forms of fundraising to stop then. I hate to use the "D" word (discrimination) but how can they say one fundraiser is okay when others are not?

I am keeping you in my thoughts;

[Guatemom]

Thanks, guys. I'm SO fumed, I can't type straight without shaking. I can't get to HR very discretely--I report to a VP, who reports only to the President--so I'm kind of stuck. The first thing they'd do is to tell my VP what's been, and my fav phrase, "brought to their attention". I feel highly discriminated against. And I can assure you this--I will not be buying any stinking cookies or cookie dough or coupons or WHATEVER anybody's selling here EVER.....and if they do, I'll let them know that I'm "offended" that I'm being solicited. Get this, they even send staff emails (like a person will send a blanket email to all staff) to buy lottery tickets, play on the ponies, etc.!!! Hey, I'm not saying I'm for or against gambling--but isn't this the same thing? What if I were offended at the gambling? Nobody's stopped them from asking me to put in the pools. Maybe I should tell them how I feel about gambling...or at least how I feel right now about it!

[ERAmy]

Honestly, I do think that there is a little difference in helping finance an adoption vs. helping to finance something for a school or group of children.
I think the best way to get around this is to set up a website or blog and encourage coworkers to visit it.

[Guatemom]

Amy,
I thought of the blog spot (you can link up with paypal and stuff), but I"m not supposed to approach my coworkers, that's the thing. I just don't get how they can approach me for their lotteries, their schools, their churches, etc. but I can't approach them for this. Schools and churches are organized and are supposed be separate from state, so I just don't get the difference. What if it's a different religion than I am, and they approach me for a fundraiser for that church? What if it's a rival school (this is a rural area that is big on rivalry by the way), what about the lottery or the gambling pools? If they don't draw the lines on those, then why do they draw it for me???? I'm sorry, I know you're trying to help and I really do see your point-it just doesn't make any sense to me how they're determining what's ok and what's not.

[KayV]

I'll probably get some comments here, but I think there's a big difference. If you were thinking about getting pregnant, would you ask your co-workers for money to help you out? If you were pregnant, would you ask your co-workers to contribute money for you to pay for your expenses? Everybody's always saying that they're tired of their adoptive child being discriminated against and being viewed as "different", but isn't that what we're doing when we ask people to contribute money for help in our adoption? We're saying "this is different" because we're adopting. I can understand why you'd be upset, but I really think there is a big difference between contributing for a school fund raiser and helping someone out who is adopting a child. JMHO

KayV

[cyntil8ing]

Sorry, but I have to agree with your boss.

Fundraising by selling items for a non-profit organization, such as a school or scouts or little league, is completely different than just giving money to an individual.

And if they allow you to solicit funds to build your family, what's to stop someone for soliciting funds to get a vasectomy reversal, or to do an IVF cycle, or to hire a surrogate?

I just think it's one of those things that an employer is wise to steer clear of.

I do like ERAmy's blog idea.

[Guatemom]

KayV-
That's a good point, I hadn't thought about it that way. That helps. But then what about the ones for church and gambling? Shouldn't there be something concrete that says, 'ok things for schools, etc., are alright to approach folks and raise funds for', but __ & __ are not. I'm glad you pointed out the schools vs. pregnancy thing, but it still doesn't help me with the other stuff. Ugh...I do appreciate your help, tho,

[ERAmy]

See, I think if the adoption blog site had info and updates on it (along with a link to paypal for instance), I really dont think how your work could be upset about that. You would be sharing the website with coworkers to educate them about the process and keep them up to date with yours. Kind of like anyone elses family website.
Now if you do a rummage/garage sale, I think it would be appropriate and fair to invite coworkers.
I think your work is viewing your request for donations as a personal gain vs. a school (no matter what the religion) as being more of a group gain.
Now if your work allowed someone to solicit donations for IVF then I think you would have a discrimination case.

[ERAmy]

With churches, again, you can say no if you dont feel right in supporting a different faith. But as a pp said, because they are usually non profit and finances used for a group of people, I think your work views it as okay.

Now the gambling crap, any emails or solicitations should be directed to the boss.

[jaymo]

I am not sure that comparing adopting to pregnancy is a fair thing ... in my mind like comparing apples and oranges ---> my point, sex is free ... adoption is not. Also, saying that people will then ask for money to help with IVF or whatever .... there are some people who are VERY against fertility treatments (against their religious belief or whatever) of any nature and should, I would think, support adoption and would be willing to help out.
Melanie, I think that if you have a co-worker that you are friendly with, mention it to them ... ask them to spread the word about what fundraiser it is that you are doing at the time and go from there. Your boss can't be angry or whatever because you are having a private conversation with a friend.
I am sure that all your fundraisers will be great and beneficial! GOOD LUCK!
Maura.

[MomtoJABE]

GuatMom,
I see both sides of this but I agree that if you have a blogsite that you are just sharing, from a personal email or note, so that others can see your child and read about your journey they can't stop you.

You can always put something on the site saying if you would like to help financially................

We mailed out 150 letters and sent emails with our blogsite attached and said if anyone wanted to help financially...and then gave instructions on how to do that.

I don't know if you have access to anything like this but we have a Adoption Ministry at our church and people can donate money to them and request that it be used for our adoption specifically. It is a tax deductible gift and of course the church is non profit so we are able to do fundraisers through them.

Good Luck