[stephjoel99]

Amelia has been home 2 months now - she's 13 months tomorrow. We have co-slept since she got home b/c she co-slept with her FF and frankly we tried the crib and she would cry until she vomited.

So I'm exhausted. She tosses and turns all night in my bed. I need that baby in her crib - I have 4 kids under 7 and I am operating on caffeine alone at this point. My husband and I haven't slept in the same bed since she came home b/c he can't be a zombie for his job.

We've successfully moved her for a night or two before, but then there will be a bad night where I can't get her to stop crying when she wakes up and the next thing you know we're back to full on co-sleeping b/c she refuses to go back to sleep in the crib and I don't want to wake the whole house.

Also I am going into the hospital next month for surgery and I will be gone for 5-7 days. I have enough to worry about with me leaving her for a week, to worry about how she will get to sleep without me (this child is NOT a self-soother).

So as I type, I have her in the crib tonight. I've been telling her tonight that she's sleeping in the crib (she KNOWS that hated word well). I rocked her until she fell asleep and I put her in the crib - she sprung up immediately. I laid down on the spare bed in there for almost an hour as she screamed and sobbed. She started taking all her blankets and throwing them out. She pulled out the crib bumper and that is on the floor too. I finally told her "Amelia, Mommy is going night night. Time for Amelia to go night night in the crib." And I left. Now she's taking her clothes and diaper off and throwing them overboard screaming her head off. She is TICKED OFF!

I am quite sure that I am doing this the wrong way. She HATES her crib. I don't think moving into my room is going to help b/c she is flipping out even when I'm in the room with her! Plus now that she's been in our bed, I think it will be harder for her seeing us lying there while she's in the clink.

Oh, silence. I think she's cried herself to sleep. Oh, I hate that I did that to her. But I need advice from BTDT. Thank you in advance!!!

[mombyfaith]

Chloe came home last year doing the exact thing.
She would throw up she would cry so much.
After a couple of weeks we just took the crib down, we had to, she fell out of it trying to get out and I was afraid she was going to break her arm or worse her neck. We put up a toddler bed and it helped.
I would lay on a palet by the toddler bed until she got to sleep and there was alot of nights I would go back in and check on her and she would be asleep curled up on the pallet. It wasn't the best solution but workable for us. WE couldn't take the co sleeping, she flip flops like a fish out of water. She killed my back. A year later for the most part she sleeps in her toddler bed, we will still have a few nights that she gets in our bed but it is usually around 4 am so that isn't too bad. Good luck, I sure do know how you feel!!!!!!

[Waiting4him]

Our son, Alex, had a lot of trouble sleeping through the night as well. I finally read a lot of articles and chose the Ferber method. This method may seem cruel to some or just a fancy way of letting them cry it out. The truth however is that the method is based on the fact that the child cannot sleep without the parent. This was what was happening with us. Alex would cry as soon as I left the room. so the method worked and only took two days for him to understand that I am always here for him. Please google the method, it has saved my sleep!!!

[guatparents2be]

Try the book The Baby Whisperer. She addresses fear of cribs and has a step by step plan for helping children make the transition with more peace.
So sorry you and she are going through this.

My thoughts are with you!

[nurse_reedle]

Of you REALLY feel you need her in her crib and she is going to have to cry it out, then please don't make her do it alone! She KNOWS and has experienced that people walk away and never come back. My son has been home for 16 months and he still has trouble with fears of me leaving. She needs to know you are there the whole time. Sit with her, even if it takes 2 hours. Also, who cares if she needs you (or Daddy) there with her to fall asleep? This is SUCH a short season and someday you will be wondering why your teen won't talk to you. You are building trust right now and what you build now can seriously affect the years way down the road.

[stephjoel99]

Originally Posted by nurse_reedle

Of you REALLY feel you need her in her crib and she is going to have to cry it out, then please don't make her do it alone! She KNOWS and has experienced that people walk away and never come back. My son has been home for 16 months and he still has trouble with fears of me leaving. She needs to know you are there the whole time. Sit with her, even if it takes 2 hours. Also, who cares if she needs you (or Daddy) there with her to fall asleep? This is SUCH a short season and someday you will be wondering why your teen won't talk to you. You are building trust right now and what you build now can seriously affect the years way down the road.

Is having her sleep in a crib going to result in her not speaking to me as a teen? I am having half of my colon removed in one month. I am leaving her for a week. She cannot sleep unless she is in the bed with me - I'm trying to get her in the crib for a couple of reasons. #1 so my mother in law who will be staying with her can get her to go to sleep without me there and #2 so it won't be totally shocking to her when I am gone (mommy gone and sleep pattern disrupted) and #3 (this is the selfish reason) - I haven't slept more than 2 hours at a stretch since March, nor with my husband.

That was quite a guilt trip.

[JenRo]

Steph,
First of all, I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. Lack of sleep is just brutal. AND, having surgery coming up --that must be so stressful.
I don't have a lot of advice but what about trying her naps only in the crib at first? I've heard that this helps --get her used to her room and then, once she is comfortable with napping in her room, try bedtime?
Also, Ferber is controversial (and even more so with adoptive folks) but how about a revised version that meets your needs? ie: put her in her crib ... let her cry 2 mins .. go in, pat her back, leave --she cries; go back in after 5 mins, pat her back, leave--she cries; increase gradually to 15 mins ... something like that .. increase the time before you go in, but go in, pat her back so she KNOWS you are still there but so that she also learns to put herself to sleep. It's kind of labor intensive on the front end but I think this will have quick results for you. Just keep doing it and I bet after a few days, this will help.

Just a thought. I'm certainly no expert. I never could do Ferber with my (bio) kids and don't intend on doing it with my newly adopted baby but I do think teaching healthy sleep habits is CRITICAL for everyone'e health/sanity and I do also believe there is a way to do it that won't make your child feel abandoned.

None of us need a guilt trip. We're all in this together!

Hang in there and good luck with your surgery!

Jen R.

[dance_muffin]

Some suggestions, leaving on a night light, play a cd of lullabyes when you put her in the crib, special blanket (only to sleep with). Maybe putting her on a nighttime schedule. Have the same nighttime routine such as dinner, playtime, bath, bedtime story so that the routine reinforces "getting ready for bed".

Good luck and get some rest.

p.s. Good luck with your surgery; wishing you a speedy recovery!

[DPline]

I am so sorry you are going through this! My daughter didn't sleep well the first couple months she was home, and being sleep deprived is the worst kind of torture.

Personally I wouldn't let a newly adopted child cry it out, except maybe in a very modified form like JenRo suggested, but that is just my opinion.

Have you tried a porta-crib in your room, or a mattress on the floor in your room? Something like that so she is near you, but acutally in your bed. Does she nap? How does that work?

I am sure everyone is tired of my 'sleep begats sleep' mantra, but my daughter made me a firm believer in it. Even after being home for 2.5 years and being 3 years old, the minute she gets overtired (and the line is that fine) she is up and down all night, has to sleep with DH and I (using the word sleep very loosely) and barrel rolls all over the bed when she is 'sleeping.' The book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" and the schedule we got on from it, was a god-send for us. Having her down for a nap at 9:00 AM and 1:00 PM, and in bed by 6:00 every night, drastically cut down on the night time torture for us. I think you have more going on than overtired, but with nights like that, she has to be overtired, and getting her caught up, might be a place to start if you can. Maybe see if you can get the book at the library and see if you can incorporate any of it might be worth a shot.

Good luck! I'll be thinking of you!

[CurlysGirly]

Steph you do need sleep for all of the reasons that you mentioned plus it probably isn't good for you to go into surgery being over-tired and not at your physical best.

Can you take the rail off of the crib for a few nights and pull the mattress from the spare bed onto to the floor next to the crib? That way the bars aren't between you. Maybe the side rails fold down?

You could gradually put the rail back in place after a few days of sleep but you still remain on the mattress at her level. Then take it to the next level of sleeping or laying on the mattress until she falls asleep. My experience with crib battles is to "baby step" it and break down the process.

My only other thought is to develop a routine (bath, story, bottle, etc) before bed time that will be followed to a T while you are gone.

I feel for you as my DS still is a bad sleeper and we've tried every trick in the book including (gasp!) TV. Best of luck girl. You need your sleep!!

[Mariais5]

Have you thought of a co-sleeper for your bed? Bryce sleeps with us, but she is a pretty quiet solid sleeper with little movement. However, when Sofie comes home, I don't think there will be room in our bed for all of us! Since DH refuses to sleep on the couch (hehehehehe), I'm going to use the co-sleeper..

She will be right there with you, but in her own little bed.. It may be worth looking into.. Good luck.. No sleep is not good...

[Guatemom]

First, I'm so sorry you're going thru all of this--and then surgery to boot! Not that it helps, but Connor did the same thing when we brought him home at 6 mts. You're already ahead of us, tho. At least you know they co-slept. We had no idea, nobody told us, etc. so for the first week or so, we spent it in sheer he_ _!! We couldn't figure out why this child freaked at the sight of his crib, which was across the hall from our room. Then we did the co-sleep thing, but we only put him in the bed beside of us (I had a little bed slightly bigger than a bassinet, like one of the old wooden small cribs on wheels). So I pulled it up next to my side of the bed & I'd lie there with my hand on him until he fell asleep (b/c he'd always wake up after I spent forever rocking him to sleep--as soon as his lil head hit that crib, bang-he was wide awake). but when he knew he was with us, that helped, even if he wasn't right in bed with me. Also, we did background noise. We were told (also later) that he was used to a lot of commotion in the background b/c his foster mother had other children, and all very small. So not only did they co-sleep, but there was always something going on. So the dead-silence PLUS the alone-ness just freaked him out. To this day (he'll turn 3 in July), he has to have some kind of background noise--be it the TV, radio, or just us moving about in the house. Not sure if any of this helps, but since you have no choice but to transition her out of your bed, at least momentarily, I'd try a mobile bed next to yours if you can. Let her feel your touch so she'll know she's not alone (being alone in a new place is scary enough, then add the fear of that person not coming back); and turn on some soft music or let the TV stay on low. Good luck and keep us posted.

[praying4rlittl1]

First of all...HI STEPH!!!

Now, I too am wondering about a co-sleeper thing that hooks on your bed. Or maybe even take the twin bed in her room and jam it up between your bed and the wall. You know, something so that she is by you, but not in your bed? Might take some rearranging of furniture, but it might work too. Maybe even try it for a few nights so that you can catch up on sleep and then regroup and think it all through. It's way too hard to make decisions when you're bone-dead tired.

Hang in there girlie! Miss talking to you!

[mmpierce]

Hi, Steph.....I am so sorry about your lack of sleep--that is the worst! I am also dreading Walker's sleep set up b/c he, too, only sleeps w/FF and goes nuts even if they get up. So, we are probably going to try to co-sleeper that attaches to the bed--thankfully, an neighbor has offered to let us borrow it. We only have a double bed so there is no way we can all sleep together.

Could one of your kids help? Walker will eventually share w/my 3 year old, but I don't want to make him pay the price with terrible sleep, but my 7 year old always sleeps better when her sister is in the room. That might cause more attachment issues w/her looking more to a sibling for comfort....I don 't know! I just hope you get it all worked out soon so you can help me in a few months!

Best wishes w/your surgery and recovery--it's just always something, isn't it?!

take care,
mary

[gnattylove]

I just wanted to put my 2 cents in here too as I am having major sleeping issues with DD. We have her in a pack n play right beside our bed and she still wakes up and screams as soon as we put her in it. So she ends up sleeping in our bed all night. Co-sleeping is not very comfortable for any of us b/c she wiggles all over the bed and still wakes up and cries some at night. I try EVERY day to put her down for naps in her crib but even after she is good and asleep, she wakes up and screams as soon as she hits the sheets. She WILL NOT go back to sleep on her own. She will scream and scream and not settle down. So, I have to hold her to get any naps out of her and constantly pat her back during the night to get her to go back to sleep. I am exhausted. Steph, I am so glad you started this thread b/c I am having major issues as well. Any and all advice is welcomed.