[metro93]

We are going to visit our son for the first time this week. He will be one on Saturday. I have read several posts about attaching and was wondering, what are the signs that your baby may have attachment problems. Did you see these signs when you visited? Is it more common in children that have been in an orphanage or more common in children that have been in foster care? I know that "wearing your baby" is something that is recommended. Any advice is great! Hoping for a great visit and a happy baby that isn't scared of his mommy and daddy......

[dac_cincy]

From my 2 visit trips, I can only say that it was very clear that he was attached to his foster family. I think that is about the only thing you can look for on a visit trip, is your son exhibitig signs for grief, does he clearly look for others (foster family), etc.

Aidan grieved on the first trip by not eating for 12 hours (scary), and looking back at the pictures, hehad such a lost forloan look on his face. At the second visit trip- he cried so hard the first hour that he made himself sick and he did not want to be around anyone who spoke Spanish to him as it was a reminder. He also did not have a bowel movement for 4 days that I was with him (stress). Once the foster family came back, he wanted nothing to do with me.

While it was hard to watch on the second trip, I at least knew that he was attached and that attachment can be transfered to me. I did manage to get smiles out of him and he only wanted to be held by me.

His ages at the trips were 8.5 months and 16 months. So depending on how old your son is, you might get a different response.

But I think the attachement behaviors that we all talk about here, are the ones we see once they come home- but I am willing to say I could be wrong. On visit trips- we see them stressed because everything is different, and we are stressed because we are unsure. I think it takes getting back to home before we as parents really have a good grasp on what is stress related hotel behavior and what is attachement behavior. But I would start all the atttachment parenting activities from the moment you start your visit- cary him, play on teh floor so you get eye contact, give massages after bath time (lotions), feed him (don't let him feed himself), use a bottle (don't prop it up), co-bathe, so-sleep, and snuggle alot.

Love to you,
Deb

[Mindybeth6]

Mikayla was in a baby home where she got excellent care...and I can tell you she bonded wonderfully to us. I think it was easier for her to bond with us because she didn't get attention from ONE single person there, but rather may people, so she was ready for constant attention from the same person. I hate to say it, and it does make me feel guilty for those of you struggling with attachment, but we truly didn't have a single issue with it. I think a lot of it has to do with the child you are adopting. I can tell you that Mikayla seem OVERLY attached to us now to the point where we can NOT leave her with other people and no one can hold her but DH, Me, or our son...with the exception of her grandma and grandpa now (my mom and dad) and I think thats only because she was around them constantly when we were in FLorida for the funeral so she became attached to them as well. I truly think so much depends on the child.
Hugs

[allerseelen4]

I was worried about taking our son away from his FM for a visit because it could be stressful for him, but our pediatrician told us that at that age (4 months) we wouldn't see big signs of him being stressed about leaving her. He was a bit fussy, but seemed to take right to us, loved to be held and snuggled, and whenever he was awake, always made the deepest, most trusting eye contact. Gosh, I miss him so much.