[pigmom]

If so, could you share some of your experiences with me? And, if anyone has the name of an agency that they were pleased with, could you please PM me. Thanks for any info.

[Guatemomtobe]

How much older? I am 41 and single and just brought my DD home this week. PM me if you any specific questions.

Susan

[susy...patience]

PM if I fall in the age range you were looking for.

[DianMCinSC]

I'm pretty sure I qualify. I started the process to adopt my son when I was 48. He came home at the age of 4 1/2 months and I brought my daughter home in March at the age of 6 1/2 months. I turned 50 in January. Please pm me if you want info on the agency I used.

[heathcliff]

I am in my forties, actually nearing mid-forties, and brought my dd home last May. Does that qualify??? you can pm me if interested in my agency.

Cindy S.
Call of the Phoebe

[Quesita]

I am also a single mom-to-be in my 40's.

[Disneycrazed]

Not single but I am 43.
Loved our agency and I know they do well with single people. PM me if interested

[djchris]

I'm 45 and waiting to get my 18 month old daughter home.- I ws 43 when I started this process!

[Trishandkids]

I'm 42 and working towards bringing my little one home.

[BobMiami]

Hi, Pig. LOL! Just teasing. I've been chuckling about your "name" all morning. I've also been thinking. Your question started me thinking.

I'm in my early fifties. I'm single. My little guy is in preschool. Its an ugly secret that I joke about with friends every day, but I worry all the time about my age relative to my son's.

As I see it there are only two "cons" about being an older, single parent. One: I am older. Two: I am single.

I know it sounds absurd, but I believe down to my toes that I was put on this Earth to be the father of my son. I really, really believe that and nobody will ever shake me of that belief.

As an older guy, I've been very lucky. I kind of think of my life in three parts. The first, growing up, being educated, getting started. The second, living in a big city as a professional, making a lot of money and working more hours than a I can imagine and playing harder than was probably good for me. Along the way, I had a twenty year relationship with a funny and marvelous woman, who before my son, was the love of my life. Unfortunately, God needed her more than we did.

And now I'm in the third and last part of my life. I am less silly, more introspective, truly grateful for the joys that are in my day-to-day life and a grown up. My career no longer comes first. "Boys Night Out" each month is my monthly deacons' meeting at Church. I'm in a better place to raise my son.

And I enjoy being a father. I chose to adopt my son. We are not a family because "it was time". He is not the product of "an accident". My son is not a gift to a "trophy" wife. We are together because he is wanted and loved.

But I am also aware that he does not have a "mother". Now that my little guy is a little older he is well aware of this fact and desperately wants one. Luckily, I have many sisters and he has a very loving nanny. But I am aware that as yet I am the only single parent in my son's preschool and the oldest. Both those things, of course, as my son gets older.

I am also aware that I don't have the energy or playfulness of a 20 something year old. I am more often than not tired. The idea of throwing a baseball or playing soccer or swiming mortifies me (but I do it).

I am very aware that it is not likely that my son will have me for as long in his life as I was lucky to have my father. I am very aware that each and every day I have to inculcate values that I honestly believe will help him as a man.

But the long and short of all this is that I made the right decision. We have to live with its implications, but my little guy seems happy and well adjusted and I am the happiest I have ever been.

I was not ready to be a parent 20 or 30 years ago. Now, I am so eager that I cannot tell you.

But it comes with a price. I really don't want to go to the zoo this afternoon, but as soon as I get this message off, we'll get ready. Sometimes I miss the second part of my life, but not really. I will spend this last third of my life trying to be the best father that I can be with the maturity and respectfulness that parenting requires.
Bob

[StefB]

42 and nearly a single mom now.

[tybeemuffin]

I am 40 now (39 when I brought DD home) and single. She was 7 1/2 months when she came home. I'm guessing that might qualify me as an "Older single Mom".

I'll be honest, the first several months were hard. I had some attachment issues (with myself, not DD) and some post adoption depression (which can happen to married people too). I was quite overwhelmed and felt isolated. My family was out of town for the first 3 months DD was home. I hadn't been around kids since I was in my teens (I was a serial babysitter growing up though). I work from home and DD isn't in daycare, so I had no time to myself whatsoever. It was 24/7 and I couldn't get any work done. I think if I did have an office job, those first months would have been easier for me because I wouldn't have been so isolated. I longed for adult conversation. Now that the weather is nice and DD is a toddler, we are able to get out of the house and do things. It has made all of the difference in the world. She is the love of my life and eventhough it was a rocky start, I wouldn't change a thing.

My parents live near me about 50% of the year and it is wonderful when they are here because they give me breaks, sometimes even taking her over night. As much as you can love a child, the breaks are very welcomed and needed. A good support system of family and friends can be crucial to your well being as a new Mom.

My best advice is to go into it with your eyes wide open. Educate yourself about attachment issues (I had only prepared for the case if DD didn't attach to me, I didn't even consider the other way around). I also didn't know about Post Adoption Depression and the fact that it isn't that uncommon.

Well, I didn't really startout to write a novel, but it has somewhat turned out that way. Good Luck!!!!


BTW - My agency is fabulous and works with many single moms. The only thing is that if you have your heart set on Guatemala, you wouldn't be able to use them because the put their Guatemala program on hold in January. They do adoptions from many different other countries, so if you are interested, just PM me and I will give you the agency's name.

[mya1]

I was 47 when I brought daughter home and now I am beginnning the process for baby #2.

[Slatond10]

Another Single Older Mom... I am 44 and DD is 2.5. Like TybeeMuffin said, I had a little bit of attachement issues on my side @ first. It was a little bit of a struggle to adjust to being a "mommy" and having someone totally dependent on me. Luckily my family was 2 hours away and I had great friends / neighbors to help guide me into Mommyhood. However I did learn that it is very important to have a strong network. I ended up moving to be near family to help me.

Now I can honestly say like BobMiami said it, I was meant to be her mother and DD my child. I would not change a thing.

At 2.5 DD is exploring family relationships and knows she does not have a daddy. She does have a "papa", uncle and lots of male role models which she adores.

Currently I am turning into chauffer for her active life... gymnastics, swimming, birthday parties, play-dates, school functions....


You are welcome to PM me anytime with questions or comments. I will be happy to share more details of my experience privately!

[Jonesfor2]

Hey pigmom,
I'm 42 and bringing my boy home in a couple of weeks...glad to see so many of us out there!!! PM me if you want my agency name or if you have any questions...also I'm in Virginia.