[joanr]

We are highly considering and have on hold a 5 year old boy form Guatemala. He has his abandonment papers already. He has been in private foster care for 1 year now. We have been told that he has no attatchment concerns, is loving, easy going and all boy. The only medical issue is that he had surgery to correct crossed eyes but now is seeing just fine. He would be close to 6 years old by the time he would come home.

If you saw his pictures you would be pulled to this sweetheart. We were originally going to adopt an infant girl until we saw his pictures. Once we receive his medical paper work we plan to have an international doctor review it.

Here are my questions: How hard will the change be for him? Do older children from Guatemala adjust fairly easy? Are there certain questions you would recommend us asking our agency and lawyer about him?

We currently have a 6 almost 7 year old biological son. We thought that the age gap would be ideal for both.

Please feel free to be open with your responses. Our heart says YES! But is there anything that should hold us back?

Are abandonment cases any more diffficult than reliquishment cases? Any insight on certain lawyers you recommend or do not recommend from Guatemala?

Feel free to PM us.



Thanks,
Joan

[becky]

I would highly recommend you have a psychological evaluation done before accepting the referral. You should also probably visit him and meet him for yourself as well. Do you know anything about his background before going to foster care? If it was a good stable home then he is probably O.K, but if it was difficult or traumatic you really need to consider if he is going to have attachment issues.

Many children with attachment issues present themselves as very friendly, happy, out-going, so you can't use that as a way to judge. A psychological evaluation could prove very helpful and insightful to you.

I think it is a great option for your family...but you need to be sure you know what you are getting into before you proceed. I think the boys being that close together is a great thing...and I love the idea of older child adoption. But it presents an entirely new set of issues and things to consider that may not be present in infant adoption.

You need to consider language and school issues.

I wish you the best and I hope that this works out for all of you, as I am sure this little guy needs a home!

[JohnnaMJH]

It is really hard to say, some kids make amazing adjustments and seem to never look back. Others really struggle. I agree, finding out about his life before he was relinquished could be helpful.

We adopted a 3yo and he is about 5 1/2. It took about two years to work through the major adjustment. He still backslides now sometimes, but it seems that we've made huge progress. It can be a long haul.

I am sure your agency believes he 'shows no signs of attachment problems' but I am not sure how they are making that assessment. I would not necessarily trust that. When I met my son, on his third birthday, at the end of that visit, I knew we were in for it. We seriously considered walking away, but didn't. I do think meeting him would be a great help if you can swing it.

Good luck. The motto I've heard here a lot is true - hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Feel free to PM me if you would like more details on what we went through w/our son.

[krafmatic]

I would also talk to the SW who did your homestudy for you...if you liked her/him. If you didn't have a good relationship with that one, find another. They can be a huge help before your decision, but can be an even bigger help if you decide to accept the referral. They should be able to educate you on issues to prepare for as well as give you names and numbers of contacts that will be extremely important for you in the months and years ahead (therapists, educational personnel etc...)

There are a lot of resources available in most communities but you have to be aggressive in finding them and accesing them.