[mamalaura]

Only you forum members can completely understand the despair an adoptive parent feels when waiting to bring your child home......my family and friends either don't know what to say or don't realize how the process, while exciting and fulfulling in the end, can be painful and anxiety producing and heartaching....especially during these times of uncertainity..

Don't mean to complain as I know alot of you have had very difficult times with your adoptions, but I just need an understanding ear to listen...We are on our third guta adoption and have been in PGN for 3 months now and I thought for sure we would get out of PGN yesterday...no such luck. I am out of tears-cried them all out past 2 weeks and no am only left with a helpless feeling..any advice on how to cope with the waiting? Our first 2 adoptions had PGN times of 1-1 1/2 months so this longer wait is new to me.

Thanks for listening...

[Mindybeth6]

We were in PGN for about 3 months and I can tell you it was one of the most difficult things in my life. I had to take it day by day and even then it was not easy. I really have no advice. I don't know how I got through it....I just did somehow. I cried, I sulked, I ate ice cream, and I shopped...a lot. I did whatever I could do to get my mind off of it thebest I could and at the end of the day all I could think was...I made it through one more day so I am one day closer to getting her home. THe wait is unbearable. Period. It is terrible but you will make it through.
Many Hugs

[kauai2k]

Our stay at the "Hotel California"/pgn was excruciating - it felt like yet another kick in the stomach after all we went through to get our pre-approval from the embassy (attorney problem with this I believe until the day I die).
We were over 4 months in PGN for no real reason. Isn't that always the case - who can ever say why it takes so long?!@#!

I feel your pain - and I truly hope that your good news comes soon. When our's did, I cried for days. What a release.
diane

[ellasmommy]

.....I truly do. We were in PGN for 6 months and 2 days. I held it together for the first 4 months. The last 2 just about did me in. I got so depressed, and didn't think we would EVER get our Ella home. Then one day, out of the blue, I was driving home from a funeral, and decided to stop by the grocery store. I was just sitting there, in my parking space, staring through the window, trying to remember what it was I had stopped for. Then my cell phone rang. It was the call we had waited for ....for so many months. It WILL happen. It WILL. You just have to get through ONE day at a time....that's all. Today, ALL you have to do is get through TODAY. Don't even think about how hard tomorrow will be. I strongly suggest that you start writing a journal for your baby to read one day. It got me through so many days. After a good cry, I would go sit down and start writing to Ella. I would write about things I look forward to doing with her, how much we love and miss her, etc. It was good therapy for me, and i know she'll love to have it one day.

I'll be thinking of you...

Mary

[jemmawag]

So many here understand what you are feeling. My referral was the beginning of July. We started our process last March. We are not even in yet. I have run out of excuses, smart witted combacks, etc... I am running on frustration, anger and DETERMINATION! We are here for you, so vent away...

[rhsinnc]

I'm SO sorry!! I know how you are feeling! It's just the most miserable feeling in the world. For me, having no control over the situation was almost unbearable. Like Mindy said, I also ate a lot, shopped A LOT, slept a lot and tried to keep busy. We were in for almost 3 1/2 months....had one kickout and then came out about six weeks after that. Have you had any kickouts?

Again, I'm really sorry for you. I konw it's frustrating because no one else but adoptive parents do understand. My family is really clueless and most of my friends are too. When I am down and out, I usually avoid them because if I don't, I'll end up snapping at them.

Once you get your angel home, things will be so much better and this will all be a long, lost memory. Right now we are waiting on Pink...and it's still very difficult. Just take it day by day...pray and we will be looking for your OUT post very soon.

HUGS,
Rebecca

[gwenrenee007]

I can't imagine how you feel because I have only been in for 6 weeks and I can barely stand it. I agree with the others - just take it one day at a time and it WILL happen. This forum has been a wealth of information and support so anytime you need a pick me up just log on and we will be here for you.

I hope next week will be your week.

[mamalaura]

Thank you all so much for your help and support-I draw strength from you and will take this great advice.
No, in answer to rhincss' question, we have not had any kickouts to my knowledge.
God bless you all.

[rapf777]

I will keep you in our prayers..that you will be out of PGN soon.

Rose

[amyruston]

I know your pain. We've been in since 11-13 and I'm ready to be done now. I'm sorry your having such a hard time. I wish I had some way to magically make it easier. I just keep hanging on those words that so many posters use when they are OUT, "IT WILL HAPPEN". I have to tell myself that over and over. AND IT WILL BE WONDERFULL when it does. Hang in there and feel free to vent away. HUGS!!

[mcmom]

I am so sorry for your long wait! It is so hard to not be in control and have absolutely NO say over how long you will have to wait! I felt completely desperate while we were in PGN with our daughter. I cope by praying so I was on my knees a lot! My prayers actually turned into something that looked more like begging. I felt like throwing a full blown toddler tantrum and think I probably did a few times! Just hang on and use whatever coping techniques you use with other types of stress (eating , shopping , sleeping!) I will say a prayer for you and your family now. You will get through, you just have to trust!

[arthymom]

Like Amy we have been in PGN 4 months and counting.

Like you and Amy I also thought last week would be our week.

So here is to next week!

Hang in there. I have few words of wisdom except that it's ok to be down but it's important too to live your current moments too. I gather you have other little ones at home to be with. Our little one was suffering too much to see his mom suffer and somehow I have managed to turn a better corner this week-end.

Here is to a better corner for you too.

[lionbird]

mamalaura,

so many of us can relate to you. I just have to believe that we will all make it through. I have good days and bad days... I try to remember this is my "readying" time. Ready the house, my dogs, my car, my schedule, my heart, my kitchen etc.. I am preparing a notebook of healthy meals and their ingredients, making a scrapbook for the FM. When I feel like I am walking through molasses, I let myself just sit and cry. Then I get myself up and pull weeds or shine my kitchen sink. I try to not let myself sit in the baby's room and sulk.

It does sound like because of your prior experiences you had an expectation about how this one would go, I would imagine that makes this especially frustrating.

I hope I don't offend you but this is a tool I use and it helps..when I remember to use it:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

Deep breaths...in and out... believe there is a plan bigger than mine and that my baby is part of it.

Big hug

[Melinas Mom]

I understand exactly how you feel.. Our duaghters adoption went so smooth, only 6 weeks in PGN w/ no kickouts. We have been waiting for our son to be released from PGN for months now. We have been in since 12/11 with no word. I try to distance myself from the forum because it hurts to much to see people out of PGN in 6 weeks. I thank God every day for my daughter who keeps me so occupied I don't have time to think of PGN 24 hours a day. I do have days when I do think todays the day but I know I will get that call that today's the day soon.. Keep your chin up & think of how much fun you will have when your baby does come home to be with you forever..

[Ms.Judi]

Keeping you in my prayers that your out call comes soon and your baby is HOME FOREVER!!!!!