[cantwait2bmommy]

We are in the process of putting together the nursery and are debating if we should put up the pic of our son's bmother. What have you done or would you do?

TIA!
Chris

[ej-momtobe]

We are not displaying it. It is a sad picture of her. If we had a good picture of her/him, we might be more likely to display. We intend to show it to him early (maybe in another year), and talk to him about her, but we see no need to display it while he is this young. If he wants to display it when he gets old enough to express that, we will be happy to.

[Pipercub]

Our duaghter's biological mother's picture is in our daughter's lifebook - which we will show her and read to her from the very first day she comes home. But that picture will not be displayed out in the open in her room. We want her to be able to choose what part of her story she wants to share with other people as she grows up - and feel because friends come over frequently, it would be too "public" to have on display. We really want her to be able to own her story and decide what and when she wants to reveal to other people. If she wants to display her photograph when she is older, we will support her.

[rapf777]

I plan on putting the Bmom picture in her life book....so when she is old enough she can see all the steps we took to get her home to us.

Rose

[KKR213]

I have the dna pictures and one other and have not displayed them. In fact, the only people who have seen them are my mother and sister. When John is older I will show him and let him know what I know about her. If he wants to display them then we will but it should be his choice. When I told people I had pictures of the birthmother they wanted to see them and I think were a little put off when I said no. I don't want anyone analyzing the pictures or making comments about them. I am proud that John has some of her beautiful qualities but I feel the decision to share them should be his.

[Cheryl101]

We're planning on makin a photo/scrap book with photos of our visits and different things- I'll proabably put the picture I have of her in there. It will kind of be a story of him coming into our lives that we can read to him when he's little so he'll grow up knowing it.

[chriscinger]

My son is five years old, and the only pictures we have of his birth mother are those from his INS documents. I have not shown my son those pictures. I was advised to wait until he can understand who she is. That time may be near, as he is starting to ask more in depth questions about where babies come from. He knows that he is adopted, and that he was born to another woman, not me. When we do talk more in depth about his birth, and show him the pictures, then we will let him decide if he wants them displayed.

[Snow girl]

We have our son's DNA photo with his birthmom hanging on our family picture wall. If it makes him uncomfortable as he gets older, we can move it. But, I feel that she is a part of our family so her picture belongs there. We were lucky though. In our DNA picture she looks like he loves our son a lot. She is holding him very closer & has a slight smile. I know that for many the picture is very sad & I would probably be reluctant to display it then.

[guatparents2be]

we are also keeping the photo private for our son. i showed it to one friend and other than that, not even my family will see it unless he decides to share it.

we actually decided to keep it separate from the life book/scrap book because it may be very sensitive for him.

i think what feels right to you...

[Waiting4Celeste]

I scanned the DNA picture of Celeste and her birthmother and printed it in pink on vellum and put it in a frame. It is on a shelf - with two other frames:
the first frame is a picture of Celeste's birthmother's cedula photo that says "Faith" then the picture in the middle is of Celeste and it says "Hope" and the third one is of her and her birthmother together and it says "Love".

I don't have one of Jacob's birthmother in his room, but I think I will get it out and display it. (I am not sure why I never did it before now... no reason, I just didn't!) He does have pictures of his birthplace hanging in his room and pictures of him and his foster mother in our bathroom (they are all bath pictures!).

Both DNA pics were sweet and both women look... content. I wouldn't say happy - but neither look sad or angry. I may feel differently about displaying them if they looked angry.

IMHO: If I planned to show something to my child or tell him or her something eventually, I wouldn't wait - I would show it to them or tell them from the beginning. I think it makes it easier on the children to always have the knowledge - not to "spring" something on them later. It is easier to "practice" the story on an infant or young child so that YOU will feel more comfortable with the information.

ej-momtobe - you said that there was no need to display it this young... and I have to ask why not? What are you worried about? Are you worried that it might upset your child? (I do not know how old he is) I think his reaction will mirror yours - if you present it as something very sad, he may pick up on that. But if you present it as something positive - that she loved him so much that she made the choice to place him... and that maybe those tears show her love... I think it might be a good opportunity to discuss feelings. Again, I do not know your circumstance, but I am just trying to show another side to it. I have never been one to keep anything from my children - after all - it is THEIR information, not mine so I don't feel that I have the right to keep it from them.
Again, just my opinion.

[Waiting4Celeste]

WOW - a lot of you posted while I was typing out my other response!

I have to ask - what is it about the picture of the birthmother that you feel you need to keep private?

If people know your child is adopted, shouldn't they also know that there is a birthmother involved?? Why wouldn't you want to celebrate her and honor her by placing a picture of her in your home?

I am a picture FREAK and have photos all over our house of the people we love because I am proud of them. My children's birthmothers ARE a part of our family and I can't imagine feeling the need to hide their photos.

We need to remember that our children learn how to deal with their adoptions by watching how WE respond. If we hide information and act like showing a picture of their birthmother is a private thing, what message are we sending? That they need to be ashamed of her?

Please help me understand your reasoning. Maybe there is something I have missed!
THANKS!

[KKR213]

I don't feel that I am hiding the picture just because I don't display it. There are people who would just want to see it because they were curious and I don't think that is right. The pictures I have of John's birthmother are not very good. The one of her alone looks like a mug shot and she is not smiling at all. The DNA pictures she seems ambivalent and I realize how hard it must have been for her to see him again months after giving him up. But there doesn't seem to be any connection between him and her. When I saw it I felt a little hurt so I it isn't something I want others to judge and comment on. Maybe if the pictures were happier I would feel differently.

[PintoBean]

I would display a picture if I had one. My daughter is an abandonment case and I wish we had a picture of her birth mother and her birth father.

Sonja

Referral 21 month old girl 5/11/06
In PGN 12/4/06
KO and resubmitted 1/31/07
OUT! 3/06

[Mommy2twins]

We decided to keep the details of the birth mothers private for our kids until they are older. They can then decide if that's something they want to share with others. We have family and friends over and it would just open up a whole load of questions.

[kauai2k]

No.
I believe that this is something that belongs in context with the whole story of how our child came to be our son...in his life book.
diane