[beachykeen]

Ok, so I've started my reading about attachment. I understand the concept of lots and lots of together time (i.e. cosleeping, holding, etc.). But how do I effectively do that with two at the same time?? The books don't tell you how to do that! How do I make sure and know that I'm doing everything I need to do for both? I didn't have the greatest attachment with my parents and I just want to make sure I do everything (well as much as possible anyway) right by our kids.

TIA for any insight.

[BrooklynsMom]

I just finished listening to Nancy Thomas's Taming the Tiger while it is still a kitten....My daughter is now 4 but wish I would have had it when she came home...and even when my sons were born all those yrs ago! She has some wonderful input and really knows her stuff! She has traveled all around the world and spent time in orphanages...and does attachment work...She mentions Guatemala a bit in her cds! She also has a sight called attachment.org.....

Beth in Idaho

[ERAmy]

I have no tips for you. So glad you get the chance to figure it all out though. How fun.

[beachykeen]

Thanks Amy! We are excited, nervous, etc....

Bumping up!!

[Mommy2twins]

I have a son and daughter 8 hours apart in age. They share a room and play together all of the time. They have not shown any attachment issues besides the usual two monthish adjustment period that I hear most people talk about. I think that having them the same age is actually better than a year apart because they are mentally and developmentally similiar and can relate to each other better as well as connect with you. I don't have other children but see the "twinning" experience as a positive one base on our experience. The hardest part for us was getting into a system with them. Doing everything in pairs and getting them on the same schedule. As soon as we figured that out things got better and better every day. They are a hoot to watch playing together!

Shelly

[spokanemom]

This was something that I underestimated how hard it would be. There was no way that I could do everything that the attachment experts recommended that I do. With two babies I couldn't spend the amount of time I wanted to with two babies. Add in a 2 year old, a 5 year old and a disabled 7 year old, and a husband who went back to work 13 hrs a day the week after we got home. When we got Olivia she accepted us just fine and wasn't fazed. Zach was not happy about us at all and did a lot more crying then Oliva did at first. As a result I gave Zach much more attention the Oliva. I held him more and cuddled more and was just plain more attentive then I was to Oliva. After about 3 weeks things started changing and he seemed much more secure and I was noticing attachment problems in Oliva. So we just changed stragies and most of my attention was poured into Oliva and I think I took her about 2 months before I felt that thing were going great. She still has extreme stranger anxeity and we try to sheld her from toher people as often as possible. When people and friends see us out and about they often try to take a baby to help of grab a car seat and I always give them Zach because I know that Olivia just can't handle it. When we are with friends I will immedately put Zach down to play and continue hold Olivia until she's comfortable. At our house your needs get categorized and those with the most needs get met first and every body else just has to wait. When we first came home and both babies were crying and would decide who needed me more and I would first take care of them. Unfortunately sometimes one had to cry and I would try to get there as quickly as I could. We never co-slept or took baths together but I did take turns holding them in sling every day. I also feed them their solids at the same time and whoevers turn it was for a bite I would try to make eye contact and a smile just for them before I would turn to the next baby and do the same. I always bottle feed at different times so that I could spend time with just one child and hold them and make I eye contact while feeding them. All in all after being home almost 4 months I feel that things are going smoothly. The first 3 months were very hard and I thought that adopting 2 at a time was the wrong decision but know things are great and I wouldn't change anything at all. Feel free to PM me if you have any more questions.

[Mom2Guat_twins]

Soon after our referral, I read about attachment, too and thought, uh-oh - how's that gonna work?
Mine aren't home yet, so I can't offer a lot of advice, but I will say, just educate yourself now, read up on some things (I have even joined a twin group, or mothers of multiples group, and that has helped with all things twin related), but when the time comes you (and I) will just have to rely on Mommy instincts to get us through.
I have visited my boys twice and feel so blessed that they have each other. We'll have to stay in touch and support each other, too when they all come home (as if we'll have plenty of time!). lol

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

My advice...throw out the books that TELL you how to bond with your children and let your heart lead the way! My kids are 2 1/2 months apart and the bonds within our family have never been stronger. I really don't feel like I am dividing my time between them, nor do I feel like I am closer to one than the other. I do have very different little things I do with each of them that are "our" things. A special song for Bug, a special cuddle for Bear. The fact is that I love them both so much that our bonds came naturally.