[rhsinnc]

We got out of PGN on Monday. Before that I was like the rest of you...checking my phone every few minutes.....waiting on the phone to ring, when it did and wasn't my agency, I got sad and depressed...even snappy sometimes. I had one kickout and got very, very depressed. Pulled myself out of it in a few days....and like everybody had my up and down days. Then when I got the call Monday, my whole life changed. I was SO excited. I was literally jumping up and down and screaming shouts of joy. I know that my emotions did a 180 degree turn. I just want to know if you guys experienced any of the feeling that I am right now. I have been feeling nauseated ALL week....no energy, very tired, worrying constantly about everything, unable to focus and really just wanting to be alone. Have you guys experienced anything like this. I read somewhere that when women get to the end of the adoption process, they experience some of the same symptoms as women getting ready to give birth. I don't know if that's true because Zachary is my first child. I would appreciate your thoughts...comments....suggestions.

Also, I am also in kind of a unique situation. I started my adoption as a single mom. I wasn't dating anyone and didn't care about meeting anyone. It was a huge step for me to take but I knew it was what I wanted. I met Mike a couple of months after I started the process. We have been dating ever since. I have recently started getting possessive over Zachary. I'm not sure if I want to share him. It is complicated. I don't want them to get attached to each other and then things not work out between us. Does that make sense? Does anyone have a clue where I'm coming from. I need some advice!!!

Hugs,
Rebecca

[KY_Roni]

Well you know I don't know what to say. I think you will feel differently after you see Mike holding and caring for Zachary. It may spark all kinds of emotions that you didn't even know you were feeling. I would make any rash decision, just let things ride themself out for a while. Now that and 50 cents will buy you a bag of chips. HAHA

[rhsinnc]

I believe that you are right about the rash decisions. I'm not going to make any right now. I hope and pray that you are right about my feelings changing when Zachary gets home. ;-)) Thanks for being such a great friend.

[Hopingsoon]

After getting out of PGN, I just almost shut down emotionally - I didn't want to work, I didn't want to do anything - I just wanted to wait for the phone call to pick him up! I was basically non-functional at work, but luckily, my wonderful co-workers understood covered me.

I didn't want to share John, either. My parents came into town about 3 weeks after he came home, and I think they were a little disappointed I didn't let them do more in terms of feeding/changing him. I did let them babysit one night so DH & I could go to dinner, but he was already in bed when we left.

I just got back from visiting my parents with John, and still pretty much felt the same way - like I need to do everything for him. Apparently, at this point, John also feels the same way. He cried when anyone but me would attempt to feed him.

We're getting ready to start daycare on 3-5, and I think I'm in for a tough ride.

[dilgra]

I know just how you feel! We got out last week while we were in Guatemala on a visit trip and were on cloud 9 the entire time. I thought it would be easier giving the baby back this time knowing that we would be back soon to get her but once we were on the plane, I turned into a major grouch and didn't want anyone to talk to me, not even DH. Everyone was so annoying!

Now that we are home I am completely useless! At work I can not focus and don't even care if my work gets done and that it NOT like me at all. I just look at our baby girl's picture all day

I was so relieved when we got out that I thought the wait for pink would be easy but now I am starting to obsess again. We just want our baby girl home! I am exhausted! I guess it must be normal to feel like this now. I hope that you get your pink soon

[saranbr]

First, CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I cannot help you with the dating thing since I'd been married 7+ years by the time we brought Amalia home...more than a little different situation.

For me, the "mood alterating" call wasn't out of PGN (things were different then) but getting the pink slip after three MONTHS of waiting. What you're describing is normal!

[Parodess]

FWIW, my stepdaughter was 5 1/2 when my first biological daughter was born.

[Parodess]

FWIW, my stepdaughter was 5 1/2 when my first biological daughter was born. She immediately loved her baby sister and always wanted to hold her, care for her, feed her, etc. And I was resentful and didn't want anyone doing anything for the baby except me.

I think it's a natural enough feeling for a mom to be possessive of her baby. From what I've seen in myself and others, that mellows out over time. Of course, I'm still a bit possessive of my kids. I let other people help with them, although I'd usually rather do it myself (except for diapers! lol). But whenever there's a new situation or experience, *I* want to be the one there to watch them and and be with them. I get jealous if I have to miss even the silliest things.

In my opinion, it would be more worrisome if you weren't feeling at all possessive of Zachary. The possessiveness I think shows that you've already bonded with him -- and it's not something you can really balance out until he's actually home. Once he's home with you, and you have chances to see other people with him and see Mike love him and bond with him, then it will be easier.

[DoraDora]

Good to know I'm not alone!

We got out on Feb 9 (a Friday). I was in a happy fog through the weekend and then the irritation set in. I think the problem is that, after you've felt the relief and happiness of getting out, returning to the miserableness of waiting and uncertainty is almost unbearable.

I am traveling on business right now. Sitting in important meetings with clients all day long -- but can't focus on a single thing. The really bad thing is that my inability to focus on anything else is making the wait feel even longer.

Hang in there...you are not alone!

[mommytoEli]

rebecca...i am so glad zachary is out of pgn...i hope he is home before you know it. as far as the possesive thing goes, i think i know what you mean....b/c i get possessive of the kids with my husband! i think what you are feeling is natural and healthy. i don't want this to come out wrong, but i think that you are right to be concerned about zachary. you obviously don't want him to bond to your boyfriend like a daddy if he is not going to be around for the long haul ....b/c in the end, zachary will pay the price. it is obvious that you are an intelligent woman very much in love with your son, so i trust that you will always have zachary's best interest in mind, but i don't think that means you can never date again! i think you would be wise to not totally share zachary with him, but to continue to date him yourself. get a sitter and go out on the town. include zachary on outings here and there, but don't totally share him. later if you end up getting married, then obviously you have to share him ........i used to think alot about this b/c i was SURE i would be single adopting kids. i was about to buy a house and settle down to get started when dh FINALLY came around and we got married.

[annaguat]

Hi Rebecca,

Yes, you make sense to me. Mike must be pretty special though to have been there for you when you were at your lowest. Maybe explain your concerns to him and ask if he can stay in a supportive position to you and at the same time not move in too much with Zachary until you feel comfortbale. I know when I became a mom the first time around I was surprised by the strong protective emotions and feelings I had about MY little one. Anna

[Pipercub]

{{{Hugs}}} First - congrats on being OUT!

I can't really say anything about the single thing since I've been married almost 9 years, but I totally related to the part of your post about feeling differently after getting out. I feel like my personality has gone all Jekyll/Hyde since we got out of PGN. Anybody who's seen me post on the boards over the last year knows I am usually a really upbeat, positive, glass-is-half-full kind of girl. But since we've gotten out, I am one nervous, over-anxious negative, fussy MESS. I can't concentrate on ANYTHING and cry at the drop of a hat. In a way I was relieved you posted this because it means I'm not alone! We'll get through this. We'll get our pink appointments, go pick up our babies, and settle in to our new roles. We can do this! {{More Hugs}} <3

[adoptnky]

On the day we got out, I came home early and crashed. I fell asleep and didn't want to wake up for anything. (We ended up going out to eat because it was my best friend's son's 8th birthday and he wanted us to go out to eat with them) I definitely wasn't myself at all. I wasn't talking much.

Be prepared for some of the same emotions at pickup. I ended up not feeling well - and I think it was just all of the stress melting off of me. The day of Visa pick up I took a 4 1/1 hour nap!!! (Good thing I had DH and mom with me)

And BIG congrats on getting out of PGN - I hope you travel soon.

Kim

[rhsinnc]

THANKS you guys!!! I knew that you could make me feel better. Just to give you a little update, Mike and I had a good talk tonight. We aired out some of our issues and even though we don't see eye to eye on some things, I do feel better. We are both so strong-willed and stubborn (especially him...hahaha) that sometimes we have a hard time communicating. I am hoping that I will be fairly calm over the next few weeks. I definitely have the whole Jekyl and Hyde thing going on too. I'm so glad you guys can relate. Now I don't feel like I have gone completely off of the deep end!!!!!

[linda512]

I don't think you will feel normal until well after you are home with your baby! I thought I would be so relieved to be out of PGN and I was, but I couldn't stand one more wait, especially one without a known length. The uncertainty of the process wears you down over time, as does the lack of control. So, I was also useless after getting out of PGN. I was good for a little bit because I had so much to do, but then I lost it again. I think it's to be expected.
Good luck! I can't wait to see pick up pictures!

Linda