[Larue]

Hey Forum Friends - OK - I need a little pep talk here. A women I have worked with for many years - actually a very sweet lady - was [EDITED] today (I gave up swearing for lent!) about her sweet daughter, who is only 2 years old. About how she doesn't listen to her, leaves her toys tossed all over the house, makes a mess...bla..bla...BLA! OK...I wanted to rip my arm off and club her with it! Not a healthy response! Am I totally evil?! What I wouldn't DO to have her freaking problems!!!

So how do I deal with it? With you guys it's just so easy. I know you understand. Whether you're in the paperchase, DNA, PA, PGN...baby already home after long struggle -- I KNOW you guys can relate!

My question is how do you relate to other mothers?! I feel like I'm on another freaking planet sometimes!

Any and all advice is appreciated!

[auntiepippi]

Unfortunately that's what two year olds do -- and soon it will be your turn to find out! I guess I would just listen, smile, and know that your precious daughter will be with you soon. Hoping it is soon! Many hugs for you!

[Tamiswaiting]

Laura-First, you crack me up and I LOL at some of your comments...back to the question at hand, though...I actually simply say to the person something to the effect of what you were thinking..."I wish I could be going through that", or "count your blessings", or something like that. It shuts them right up.

[cbmstephanie]

I felt that way too so take heart, you're not alone. I just tried to tell myself that they didn't really appreciative that they had these beautiful children in their lives (if they did appreciate it, they weren't showing it at that moment) and tried to bite my tongue.

I did have one instance though where I didn't and I do sort of regret it. A friend of mine took Maria and I to lunch shortly after we came home. When I took out the baby food jar and put the banana's or whatever it was into a little bowl instead of taking it right from the jar she looked at me and laughed. I asked her what she was laughing at and she told me she could tell I was a first time mother and that in a couple of months I wouldn't worry about bacteria and would just take the food right from the jar. I told her that in a couple of months after I had experienced her first cold or the flu I would probably be more careful. I think she was more offended than I was...and I was pretty offended. Moral of the story...probably better to just bite your tongue.

[mommytoEli]

you are on a different planet.....AND kids don't listen...to what degree depends on how old they are

[Mindybeth6]

When we were waiting for Mikayla to come home I swear everything annoyed me. It was the PGN thing that really sent me over the edge. I would go out shopping with Alec and mother's would be yelling at their kids and I wanted to smack them. LOL. Or someone would have the NERVE to complain to me about something pregnancy related....like weight gain. I would think HAH...I would take 100 pounds to have my child home. THen I would go on a diet of course.

My point is this. This process turns us into people we are NOT at times. And it's OK. People outside our "adoption world" do NOT understand us no matter how much they try. People will always say things that are WRONG. THe best one I got was this..."OH...you will be sooooo lucky because my baby is up all through the night and when yours comes home you won't have to 'deal' with any of that." UMMMM..HELLO...I WANTED to deal with all of that.

It's so hard....hard to be in that place...but you do get through it and even when they DO come home...you still will comments that annoy you. Trust me!!!

Please hang in there....and PLEASE...keep that arm. You will need to rock Sabrina with

[PetDragon]

Originally Posted by Larue

My question is how do you relate to other mothers?! I feel like I'm on another freaking planet sometimes!

You may never relate... I'm sorry but it's true yes a toddler is trying they can make you completely bananas!

But it depends on you to be honest, it is possible that after the paperwork, the waiting, the hoping, the hard times and everything else that when your toddler is behaving exactally the same you may just sit back and smile to yourself thankful that you ARE having these problems!

And hey some other Mothers will then feel as if you are the one visiting from planet denial!

Cheer up and keep in mind each person is different!

[jillbee]

Laura,

You are hilarious! What do you think? Is this the kind of person that is not thankful for what she has? Or is she cool, but is just having an off day? Is she depressed? Is she normally insensitive?

At our old parish, there was a family with five kids. I thought they'd be nice to know because two of their kids matched up with two of mine and the mom gave the outward appearance of being normal. She wasn't. She was incredibly negative to and about her kids. Now, everyone needs to vent from time to time, but this was really weird. My parenting style is rather lighthearted, we don't have a lot of rules, but the ones we have are enforced. Our home is our safe place. Lots of laughter, jokes, kindness, creativity. I did not want to expose my kids to the negativity of that family.

Can you avoid spending much time around her? If not you can still rip off your arm and club her with it. You can't swear until Easter, but you didn't give up clubbing did you?

Jill

[akasohappy]

We do have a awesome little guy who just turned 7 on the 15th, but I feel like some sort of weirdo with "baby-fever" most of the time. My friends are not in that baby stage anymore so it seems, to me, a little strained sometimes.
I know you wanted to club her (ha ha), but you will have your wonderful Sabrina home soon.
I think it is hard to be an AP in process because you are not visibly "pregnant".
I almost flipped out the last 2 months of my sister's pregnancy because I have been "overdue" for months and everyone talked about her baby, but if I would mention my daughter I swear everyone would look at me like some loon who had a weekend pass.
You are just as much as a mother as anyone else.
You have cried, waited, prayed and loved this little girl for almost a year.
Once Sabrina is home comments like that probably won't bother you so much.

[SKL]

I would smile and say, "you know, it may sound funny, but I so look forward to dealing with all that." Every time they blow you off, e.g., "you really don't want this particular headache," just smile and say, "no, really I do." If that doesn't get through to them pretty soon, they are idiots and you must turn and walk away before they see your eyes rolling.

Smiling and keeping quiet is the way I almost always deal with aggravation. I don't trust myself to speak without cooling down first.

[Gatos]

How about a simple "Trade ya! Your kid can be an ocean away being raised by people you hardly know for an indeterminate amount of time while you miss all their milestones and cannot comfort them while they cry you wimpy, whiney, self absorbed pain in my bootocks!" Or something else.

People are dumb sometimes, including me (see above).

Or you could try the "agree" approach. "Oh, that's just awful. You have to pick up toys? She is noisy? She has an opinion and expresses it? That is really a shame. I feel so badly for you. I hope your suffering ends soon, dear friend." Walk away.

See? I can be dumb, too.

[Oceanmom23]

Larue, I know just how you feel. My sister has a 2 and 5 year old and she is always complaining how she never gets to have time to herself and how they never listen to her. I feel like telling her to shut up and enjoy what she has....evil huh? I get so jealous and angry with people when they complain about their kids. I wish I could only have that problem!!! Hang in there your time is coming.

[CurlysGirly]

Stellla...umm I mean Laura....LOL.

It is so hard to bite your tongue on things like that. Sometimes I just can't even stand to go shopping because people are telling their kids to "shut up" (my son was a VERY late talker...what I wouldn't give to have their problem) or people are just plain old mean to their kids. I would simply say something to her like "Boy, thank you so much for sharing with me what I have to look forward to when we finally have Sabrina home. I can't wait to pick her messes."

Sometimes the nicest people are still clueless.

[Graysons_Mom]

I completely feel your aggravation! My sister called me one time and was going on and on about how she was at the store and just couldn't get anything done because the kids were always crying and blah, blah, blah. I was so mad that when we got off the phone I just sat and cried about how I wish I could take Grayson to the store! But, I've learned that I will have an appreciation for Grayson like she could never have for her children. I have not biological children so I'm not speaking from experience, but I just think that my journey to Grayson is so hard and frustrasting, that I will have something special over those moms who give birth. Hang in there and just tell yourself you will never get upset about the simple things in life. And, if you do, remember the long, hard journey that led you to Sabrina!

Emily

[beverlyanderic]

I hear people like that once in a while at work. I think the stress of parenthood just sometimes gets to them.

I just ignore them. Maybe a little empathy here and there and say, "Sorry to hear it's difficult" or "Wow, sounds like you have your hand full..." I feel usually these people are just looking for a bit of attention and some empathy.

Also, I always have to remind myself that everyone's kids are different- some at 2 years old are little angels and pick up after themselves and then others are terrors- both examples are still great kids though. Just different.

Can't wait until parenthood
Eric