[jennynabee]

I am leaving tomorrow. Just tell me like it is or was. I want to be prepared. I expect it to be horrible for her. thanks!!

[linda512]

I picked up my son in July at 8 1/2 months, close to your daughter's age. I was prepared for him to be grieving, and prepared for his foster family to be sad. I wasn't prepared for his foster family to be so sad that Benji knew something was going on and was upset just by that. It was so hard for them to say goodbye, they loved him so much. We went out to dinner with them and I let them feed him and hold him- even though it was so hard for me.
The first night he was clearly grieving and looking for his foster family. He didn't sleep well and alternating between clinging to me and arching away from me. He slept with me after a bit. Every day got better and better and only in retrospect do I know that he was not close to being as happy as he can be.
It's good to be prepared for it, but it is so sad to watch them go through it. It will get better though! My son is so happy and so much fun and I just adore him.

Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

Linda

[becky716]

Our son was almost 10 months old at pick up. He was brought to us around 4:00pm and he wanted nothing to do with us at first. He would only sit on his fostermoms lap. After about 30 minutes, he would atleast look at us without crying. His fostermom said that he liked to walk around with her holding his hands. So, she sat him down on the ground and he reached up for her to grab his hands. I asked if I could do it. He allowed me to hold his hands and walk around for a bit. After that, he would smile and play with us.
We decided to go up to our room with the attorneys assistant and the fostermom. We played for about 20 minutes, then the fostermom and assistant left. He was fine for about an hour, then cried uncontrollably for 3 hours straight. We held him tight and let him know we were there to stay. He fell asleep around 9:00. When he woke up the next morning, he was all smiles and wouldn't go to anyone but us. The attorneys assistant was amazed at the embassy. He had always gone to her, but now only wanted us.
I think the difficulty of transition really depends on the baby. Some have an easy transition and others really have to work out at.
My only piece of advice is don't get too stressed over it. The babies pick up on that. Just hold that baby and let them feel your security.
Good luck!

[Mindybeth6]

We are very, very blessed and have a very easy transition. My daughter was in a baby home and was taken care of specifically by one lady there. (who was WONDERFUL...we got to meet her). They brought her to us and it was like we had always had her. It was amazing. She didn't smile very much, but she was calm and happy. Now that she is home she smiles all the time. We really had little if any grieving at all. She just transitioned right to us. She was just over 7 months old when we got her. She is still doing wonderfully here. We are blessed, blessed, blessed. I sure hope you have a similiar experience!
Hugs

[WVUMom418]

Our situation was a little different because our daughter was in a hogar instead of a foster home. Sometimes I think this might be easier because they haven't formed that bond with one individual. We picked Mia up at 14 months and other than being quiet and taking it all in for the first few hours we had no problems with her crying or sleeping. Maybe it was because she was really enjoying getting so much individual attention and we had visited twice but she seemed totally happy to be with us.

[krambk]

Our Transition was great!, Max was only 6 1/2 months old when we picked him up. he had no problems with us at all. always smiles and giggles.

However now that we are home. a couple of weeks he will not let me out of his site. he is fine as long as I am in the same room. A This morning I put him in his exosaucer in the living room and walked into the kitchen to make him breakfast and he screamed and screamed as soon as I peeked around the corner he was all smiles again. Also he will NOT take naps throughout the day, or go to sleep on his own. I have to rock him to sleep then put him into his bed after he is asleep first.
I know you are probably thinking that yeah so what but I just wanted to let you know that at any age they do have grieving issues. I feel Max is afraid of us leaving him also. He just needs reassurance that we are sticking around.

[jennandsteve]

Our daughter was 8.5 months at pickup and son was 8 months, they are bio siblings, not that is matters but I point that out only to show every kid is so different even when they are bios.

My daughter was terrified. Cried for 3 hours and then fell asleep clinging to me. By the next morning she wouldn't cry if I held her but was not a happy baby. I couldn't even go to the bathroom and if anyone looked at her in the restaurant or anywhere she would cry.

We were in Guate for 8 days so at least by the time we headed home she would let my husband hold her if she could see me. It took about a year for her to really come into her own. I only know that now looking back, she was not her happy smily silly self for quite a long time. We also had lots of night time greiving for about 3-5 months with sobbing that could not be comforted.

My son on the other hand came to us smiling and has not stopped since. For the first 2 months or so he would go to anyone, now we have healthy separation anxiety, he wants mommy or daddy.

So it really varys, but no matter how it starts out it will be OK just give it time and lots and lots of love.

Jenn

[Hopingsoon]

For me the worst part was seeing how devestated my foster mom was - I knew she would be as she cried when we visited.

My son was not a happy camper the first day, but did okay after that. He was 4.5 months, and I think the transition is easier when they are young. He had some sleep issues for a while, and I still have to rock him to sleep, but overall I think he's bonded with us quite well.

[judymend]

We too were very Blessed. When we arrived at the Westin at 12:30 pm just this Dec 19th, our Son was brought to us by his wonderful fostermother by 2:00 pm. He was wrapped up in a blanket and sleeping. When we took the blanket off he awoke, and the first faces he saw were my DH's and mine; he smiled. I couldn't believe it! Then we extended our arms to him and he came to us, another Blessing! Watching the fostermother cry was the hardest of all...she took such special care of our beautiful boy and had been with him at 3 days old, and handing him to us at 9 months old -- very hard. We speak Spanish and I was able to talk to her and calm her and tell her how much we loved her for loving him and taking care of him, and how we would always keep in touch with her and her family.

It was still very hard, but one hour later, when she left the hotel with her family I really began to worry again about Peter Jack missing them and realizing that he was with two people he didn't know (we never visited)...well, up we went to our room, and we just couldn't get enough of him, and just held him and talked to him and kept him enthralled with his new surroundings. It was as if he had been waiting for us all along, as if all of our prayers had been softly whispered into his ears and he just awaited us. Another amazing thing was that we started calling him by his new name Peter Jack, and in a matter of hours he was responding to it, I couldn't believe it! That evening, he went to sleep at around 10:00 pm and did not want to sleep in the crib the hotel had provided, which was perfectly fine, my DH and I were fine with having him near us, so we took turns sleeping with him, it was WONDERFUL!! We were there for 5 days and it seemed as if Peter Jack, mommy & daddy were simply on vacation together, just wonderful...and the rest is history, he has been happy ever since, thank God!

I wish you all the best, you'll be fine

[MNStarr]

We were so so lucky to have an easy adjustment. We had visited a month before pickup and I think that helped, also she was only 4 months old. When we were all brought into the room with the translator and I was holding her the fostermom was crying and DD kept motioning to go to her, she hates seeing people cry. After that a few hours later it was like she picked up where we left off. Even that night she stayed right on schedule and went right to sleep without crying. I do think however once we had been home for about a week and half she went through a few days of grieving.

[WesieMom]

Ok, you asked.....It was TERRIBLE! It was probably the worst thing I have been through. She cried uncontrollably for about 6-8 hours straight. She is 13 months old and very attached to her FM. But there really was no consolling her. She sobbed and cried so hard. We were both at the end of our rope and really wanted to make things better for her. But really in the end the only thing that helped was holding and walking with her. She got better with each day and now that she is home. She couldn't be any better! Each day is something new! Good luck! Just remember to be patient!

[caleb215]

My son was brought to me by my attorney.. I never met the foster mom. My son was 7 months old and fell asleep in my arms. He clung to me from that first day.. I couldnt leave the room without him crying. He has been home now since October and is still that way with me.

[DPline]

Originally Posted by Hopingsoon

For me the worst part was seeing how devestated my foster mom was - I knew she would be as she cried when we visited.

That was so true for us too. My son was with his foster family from the day he was born until he was 20 months old. She was devistated as well. That honestly was the worst part. I felt horrible taking him from her. (We do keep in touch and send updates several times a year.)

My kids came home at 20 months and 11 months old and honestly transitioned very easily. I had visited several times which I think may have helped, but it had been 3 months since my son had seen me when he came home. My son had the meltdown to end all meltdowns in the Dallas airport, but it may well have been overtired, hungary, and tired of traveling. He slept a lot when he first came home, but didn't have any big issues.

My daughter never displayed any obvious greiving while in Guatelama, but had a hard time getting onto a schedule when we got home and had a lot of sleep issues. I don't know how much of that was adjustment though and how much was me needing to figure out her needs. (At age 3 and home for over two years, we still have to stick to a very strict sleep schedule or all heck breaks loose.)

Good luck!

[stephjoel99]

Gosh this is so good to hear everybody's experiences. Our Amelia will probably be right at 12 months old at pick up so we are anxious about her adjustment. We've done lots of research on attachment parenting - but knowing what the first few days are actually like is really good information for us to have. Thank you!!

[pjkay720]

Our son was 9 months at pick up. When his foster mother and our attorney came to drop him off my husband and I thought this is way to easy. He was great. He looked a little scared, but was calm. His foster mom put him on the bed and we gave him a bottle. After a half hour or so they left. Then we just let him play. We sat on the bed with him with toys we brought from home and let him play. We didn't try and push ourselves on him. Then we put him in the stroller and went to dinner. He loved strolling around the hotel and seeing all the people. THEN it kicked in at bedtime. He screamed for 4 hours straight. My husband and I just sat there with tears rolling down our faces thinking what have we done. I didn't know his bedtime routine. We tried everything just putting him down, giving him a bottle, letting him snuggle and nothing worked. Finally, he just fell asleep of exhaustion from crying so much. When he woke up the next day he was fine. He never cried again until that night when it was bedtime however this time it was only for ten minutes. He was wonderful and playful.

Good Luck!