[bbeard72]

We've been home a week and it's been quite a stressful period. Most posts you read how wonderful it is coming home and we feel quite overwhelmed and stressed. Our little one(7 months old) pretty much cries if he's not eating or sleeping. He's not interested in playing in a bouncy, jumparoo, exersaucer , etc. 50% of the time he wants to be picked up and held (he holds his hands up and cries) The other 50% of the time he's so upset, when you try to hold him, he just arches back and throws fits. We at least have gotten him to sleep from 8pm to 6am..but the day is the challenging part. He's happiest when he's out in about in the stroller (always falls asleep in it)or in public places. He seems to like being around other people, babies etc. He won't really nap much..maybe two 30 min naps a day.
Oh please tell me this gets better. It's just frustrated when everyone is excited around you and it's so stressful when he cries all the time.

Bren

[GabeMom]

Yes, it does usually improve. He is mourning right now and trying to understand what is going on around him. Everything that he knows has been taken from him (people, places, language, and even smells). Try to remember how you would feel if you were shoved into a place where you didn't know anyone as an adult and how frightening that can be for a child. Over time he will build trust in you. I am sure that there are a ton of people that can help you more with this. I heard at one point to expect the healing to take the same amount of time as the child's time in country.

Be patient and loving (as hard as it may seem- it is stressful). If you become too overwhelmed remember to trade off between the two of you (if possible).

Good LUCK.

[jules17]

Oh, my heart goes out to you. We just brought our son home at 7 1/2 months and while we don't have any problems you are experiencing, it was a bit stressful at first as we are first-time parents. Our son did do the "I don't want to nap" bit and by chance, I put him in his swing (the battery operated one his Aunt Judi gave him) - that was THE TRICK...snoozing in minutes...the child I swore would never nap now sleeps for a good 2 hours at a time (even his foster mother said he didn't nap!)

I think a lot of it is just trial and error. In the three weeks since Sam came home, we know he loves people, outdoors (can take him up to a window when he is crying), bathtime, etc. We have also learned A LOT of what he doesn't like - mostly the Pre-Bedtime Meltdown Syndrome.

It is amazing how quickly you will learn your child's cues. I feel like I have a degree in Baby because I study and watch him so much, but it works. We also limit a lot of distractions - i.e. turn phone off, no TV, etc - it gets him too overstimulated. I always try to see things through his eyes, too...I think it has helped immensely.

Look at me rambling - sorry! Best of luck - hugs and PM me anytime! IT WILL GET BETTER and if it is attachment issues, there are many great people on this board that can help.

[joepegcamp]

I am so sorry that this is happening to you. We don't have our baby home yet, but I've already been reading up on attachment issues and it looks like your baby is suffering.

Other parents on this board have had success in helping their babies transition and I'm sure they'll offer you advice and support.

[BrandyHagz]

Have you looked into/researched some attachment parenting steps?

Not saying there are attachments issues - just saying that they are helpful, when little ones are struggling.

[mommytoEli]

yes, it gets better with time, you both learn the routine and get used to one another. eli had a few rough days when he got home, and then he got sick on top of that, but after he was well, everything was amazing....but that doesn't mean every day is perfect

you picked up at a hard age. just hang in there....keep things calm...and if you know he LOVES stroller rides, take him out on as many as you can handle....he'll come to see that you like to comfort him. try going on a walk in the stroller, and when you are almost home, see if he will let you take him out and carry him the rest of the way. try to be close to him as much as possible, but remember that babies need their space sometimes, too.

[kacmom1]

Do you have any friends with children who could come over to play during the day? It's amazing how kids respond to one another. It might be a good distraction and something fun to do.
Just a thought....hang in there!

[jules17]

I just had a thought - Sam also really lights up around other little ones...perhaps that would help?

Also, go with your GUT...I now know that a mother's intuition is real!

[KKR213]

My son did the same short napping when he came home at 6 1/2 months and it can be really tiring on you. Try to nap when he does even if it is only for 30 minutes. Leave the housework back up a little or split the napping/housework with your husband. I agree that 8 months can be hard. My son became really clingly at that age and that back arching thing is hard and makes you feel bad too. He is just confused about all the changes. Just hold him and comfort him as much as you can. Tell him Mommy loves him. Also if a lot of people are visiting maybe limit the visits since you have only been home for a short time.

Hang in there and get your rest, it will get better.

[alreadylove2005]

(((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))

Hang in there! You are doing lots of things right because you're giving lots of love!

I'm by no means an expert, but try try try different things - every baby is different.

I go through the list I read in one of the books, if you're baby is crying check
is he hungry? feed or give bottle
is he wet? change diaper
other discomfort? check/change clothes/bathe
is he sad? kiss and hug
is he bored? play

our baby loves, loves, loves music and lights - any toys with those is a hit. I can't carry a tune in a bucket but she loves to hear me sing

I read somewhere that if a newly adopted child doesn't positively respond to your kisses and hugs, pretend they did, just act as if they are happy and love you, even if they haven't adjusted quite yet.

try to be happy yourself - they laugh more if you do.

our little girl loved movement. maybe your little one does too if he likes the stroller. try rocking in your arms......dancing......gently bouncing.....

I hope you find things soon that will help. Honestly just keep trying, you'll get to know each other more and more all the time and love will come!!!

Stay connected to forum friends - always here with
((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))!!!!!

[starryeyes]

Yes, it definitely gets better. We brought home our almost-2 year old a few weeks ago, and just now he is getting settled in and comfortable with us. I remember the first few weeks were so hard. Hang in there and it will happen.

[dldkaiser]

Just want to let you know you'll be in my prayers. I felt the same way when I went on my first visit trip. Our little baby boy definitely exhibited signs of separation anxiety -- which is understandable at 10-1/2 months old. The only time he did not cry was when I was holding him. He did not take any naps...no matter how tired he seemed to be. At night, he'd fall asleep in my arms and I had to be ever so careful putting him in the crib, lest he awake and scream his head off...which happened a few times. I went on my visit trip alone and was completely exhausted by then end of each day. By the time the foster family and attorney came to pick him up, it was almost a relief for me. I felt so guilty for feeling that way. On my flight back to the US, I had such doubts about this adoption and I thought, 'What's wrong with me?' I couldn't understand how others had such joyful visits and bonded with their babies so quickly and I was ready to throw in the towel. Now that my head is clear, I understand that it was a combo of his separation anxiety -- attachment issues -- and my being completely exhausted that caused such feelings of ambiguity. I can't wait to pick him up soon!! So...hang in there. I know that your little baby will grow out of this. In the meantime, know that I'm praying for you!!

[tybeemuffin]

My DD came home at 7 1/2 months. I am a single Mom and my whole family came down with the flu (except me), so no one was on hand to help out for the first 3 weeks I was home. I was going out of my mind. The swing was a godsend. If you have a used kids clothing / toy store in town (We have one that is a chain called "Once Upon a Child"), you can get them for 1/2 price. Even if I paid full price, it would have been worth it just to get me through that first month. (I stopped using it when she was about 8 1/2 to 9 months).

The stroller was another good thing too. She enjoyed going on strolls through the neighborhood in it.

DD took a couple of weeks to get into using the exersaucer, and believe it or not, she wouldn't get into the jumperoo until she was about 11 months (which is when most kids are sick of it and are ready to give it up). At almost 14 months she is still using it. She stopped using the exersaucer at about 9 1/2 months (bascally when she started to crawl).

Hang in there! It does get better!

[csw]

Hi
It took six months of being home before our daughter would not cry if I put her down..she would even cry if I turned my back to her..forget the exersaucer and bouncy seats..she wanted to be held all the time..
She was grieving, but also had anxious attachment..

What helps is practicing attachment parenting..
I carried Ana in a sling for hours and hours everyday..
Sometimes the Maya wrap, sometimes the backpack, Ergo etc..the backpack kept my hands free so I could still do some household chores..

She would only sleep for 15 min at a time for months on end..she would cry or whine most of the day..

It will take time..
Carry him in a sling, cobath, skin to skin contact, infant massages, always hold his bottle for him..I would say cosleep as we did but if he is sleeping that well in the crib I wouldn't mess with that..LOL..

He has had alot of changes..he needs time..practice attachment parenting and he will get better..

[Slatond10]

It has been awhile for me since DD is now 2 but I do remember that first week...

First I would like to give you a (((hug))). You are a GOOD MOM! You child is going thru a lot right now but it is NO reflection on you or your parenting style. Each day will get better and you may not even notice until another week or 2 has passed and realize that you are sitting in the floor and laughing together and your realize life is WONDERFUL.... and it hits you how far you have come together.

There is one wonderful silver lining you both are getting night time sleep.

Trust yourself!